to have told my sister that if she goes back to her violent, unpleasant, drunken, drugtaking TIT of a BF

[BigWeeHag]

that I am no longer available to pick up the pieces?

As in the last year, on several occasions, I have been called in EMERGENCY situations (she lives 300 miles away) and helped her financially, emotionally and practically, and she has gone straight back to him every time.

Added in to it their behaviour at a recent family wedding - completely off their faces, plus I saw her wank stain of a knob head BF bullying my friend (who has learning difficulties) when he thought nobody was looking.

He's very charming, and he is good looking enough if you like the scum bag slime ball estate agent type, which I do not. But he has pushed her, dragged her about by the hair, shoved her down the stairs. But he hasn't "hit" her and she LOVES him, clearly it is Troo Luff and I just wouldn't understand.

Oh, she lives near my XH and also expects him to pick up the pieces- he doesn't tell me everything, not by half, but his patience has worn very thin indeed, and I don't blame him.

OK, I'm not really going to abandon her, but I want her to THINK for a second!

I don't think that's unreasonable. And I don't think it's unreasonable for you and your XH to leave her to it the next time. (Put XH fully in the picture) I'm afraid you have to let her hit rock bottom. It's not 'abandoning' her as such, but if you keep picking up the pieces she has no incentive to change.

YANBU to tell her this to make her think, but I suspect you wouldn't actually follow through with it. I agree that if she knows she has you to fall back on she won't face her problems head on. Sounds like she needs to realise she's not helping herself. Just give her the Women's Aid number and say next time he does this to you, call them, not me.

YANBU. It must be draining to help someone who refuses to acknowledge there is a serious problem.

I would leave her to it until she comes to her senses. She's not exactly up the road from you.

YANBU, but you could help your sister help herself - please suggest she goes to Al-Anon, it sounds from your post that her life is in a mess because of his drinking and drugging, Al-Anon can help her stand on her own two feet.

It's very frustrating for you, but please realise she's just as sick as he is rigth now. She needs help to understand she must help herself - if this cycle doesn't break, you'll find yourself either forever picking up the pieces, or losing your sister along the way.