to be thinking of getting christened?

[KeenAunty]

My best friend is having her six month old christened in September and I'm delighted that she has asked me to be godmother. My dilemma is this:

The vicar at the C of E church where they are doing it insists that all the godparents must have been christened. But I haven't been. I think I have three options:

1. Tell the vicar I have been christened.
2. Get christened (the vicar says we can do it easily either before or along with the baby).
3. Decline to be godmother.

What should I do?! Supporting information as follows:

• I'm not religious, but I think I live my life according to broadly Christian values. I'm certainly not an atheist, but I like to think that the 'higher being' is something like the greater good of humanity, rather than an all-powerful single figure.

• My friend and the rest of her family aren't especially religious. She has been christened, but her husband hasn't (this doesn't seem to be an issue!) and they aren't church goers. (This isn't an invitation to suggest they shouldn't be having a christening - I don't think it's my place to have that debate with them!)

• My gut says that I don't really want to be christened, but I don't actually mind doing it. I just don't want to if it's morally wrong - and I'm not sure if it is or not!

• It seems the requirement for godparents to be christened is different with different vicars. I can't ask them to change the vicar, but maybe that fact means it's less of a big deal if we just say I have been christened (he doesn't need to see any proof!)

• I really would like to have a formal attachment to my friend's baby. Even though being her godmother wouldn't mean that I was going to give her guidance on being a good Christian, I would like it to mean that I will have a special relationship with her, which will include helping her explore her spiritual side if she'd like me to, and generally being a figure of support for her. And I know (because we've talked about it) that that's what her parents want too.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Has anyone else had a similar experience? What to do?!

I think that it is CofE policy (but I may be wrong) that godparents will be baptised themselves.

I guess that in the church it would be anticipated that "god" parents would have a faith (Christian faith)of their own in order to fulfil their role as godparents.

I agree with this policy really. (but I may be wrong that godparents have to have been baptised). could you have an informal discussion with the vicar (or another minister) who may help to clarify and explain this further?

no! i really don't think you should

i think it would be incredibly hypocritical.

Personally I think it would be wrong to be christened if you are not a Christian. It also seems a bit strange to me that you are so eager to be a Godmother.....surely it doesn't mean anything to you as a non-believer?

I'm not a Christian btw, and that's just the way I look at it. I have a "Godchild" who hasn't been Christened........it's just an informal arrangement between parents that we would care for said child should anything happen to both parents. We take a huge interest in her life and have a close relationship.......as you would expect. Just without the religious element.

You don't have to be baptized I had BIL for ds godparent he was a atheist and is the best god parent we have and through his studying in order to fulfill his role, has decided to believe and become baptized himself. Bless he is always bringing little prayer books for ds and rosary's .

IIRC Christening is not Confirmation. Christening is just an acceptance of the church of the child and Confirmation is the study and formal acceptance of God in your life.

Personally, I would just feign ignorance as to whether or not you have been christened (I would lie) .. you have the right intentions and really being another interested and active person in a child's life is first prize! It isn't like you are going to benefit financially or at the expense of anyone ...

My brother is my DD's godfather - he is christened and confirmed and contributes absolutely nothing to my DD's life so it could be sour grapes ...

A god parent promises to help to bring up the child in the Christian faith. Either you are committed to the Christian faith (in which case you would be happy to be baptised) or you are not (in which case you shouldn't be a godparent).

You can of course have a close and special relationship with your friend's child without being a godparent from a religious point of view.

we were in this situation - we chose a friend who meant a lot to us but he had not been baptised. He had never been to a baptism service in fact and is an atheist, but he is such a great person and friend we just had to ask him. We just talked it over with the vicar and he was fine with that. Don't do anything you are not comfortable, but maybe just chat to the parents and see if the vicar will be ok with it.

You could be a 'sponsor' our boys have non baptised non christian 'godparents' we call them their god parents but 'offically' they were called 'sponsors' on the paperwork and for the ceremony.
We are C of E btw, personally I think a godparent is about moral and spiritial guidance not necessarily of the same religon, talk to your friend and see what she would like you to do, I think if having a baptised godparent is important to her then you should respect that.

actually I get quite annoyed by this sort of lighthearted treatment of the christian faith

would you consider undergoing any solemn rites within any other major religion just for the sake of it, for some very trivial reason?

if you are happy to stand and make promises you have no intention of keeping either for yourself or the child then shame on you

As much as I agree with you perpetually, It seems a bit mean to exclude someone because they don't have the right paperwork! I don't think it is making a mockery of the Christian faith - the whole church accepts the child and the duties of bringing the child up in the Christian faith

but the whole point is that a christening is a religious symbol, a very importnat one, and a godparent is a religious role, though many do not realise that and think its about nominating a guardian in case of your death,or giving a friedn a sense of involvement in the childs life

the church are not excluding people on a whim from being god parents, they are sticking to what has alwasy been their definition of a god parent, and now modern day man wants to change the rules to suit them

I agree with Perpetually
Our children have god parents that are not baptised but we are RC so our Church must have a different policy

Why not be baptised? A baby is baptised but hasn't yet decided to be a christian. Maybe this is an opportunity to have a really good think about what religion means to you.

My DD1 has a godmother that i only recently found out hasn't been baptised and I feel a bit pissed off about it.

On the other hand, a godparent who has been baptised isn't necessarily going to be any good at providing long term religious or moral guidance.

What is important/fundamental about godparents? Jesus didn't have any (he was baptised late in life) and somehow not having godparents doesn't impact what sort of Christian you become. Don't you think the more important celebration is the confirmation ?? (I was christened on a Friday and confirmed on the Sunday)

The Church we go to used to insist that Godparents were confirmed and christened - the confirmation requirement has been relaxed

No I don't think you should be christened as you are not a Christian (as a bare minimum, you have to believe that Jesus was the son of God).

Nor do I think you should lie, imagine how awful it would be if you were found out and your status as godparent was somehow "annulled".

I think you should say to your friend that unfortunately you can't be christened, but you would love to be "godparent" in every other (non-Christian) sense. See if the church will compromise for the ceremony eg as suggested above could they describe you as "sponsor"? If not, it's then up to your friend whether she would prefer to have a Christian godparent who the Church accepts, or you. If she isn't that religious then I'd imagine she would choose you rather than picking a second choice who happens to be christened.

Jesus was baptised as a Jew not a Christian. I don't know if Jews have Godparents?

I thought John baptised in the name of the one who comes after hime of somthing...?

I'd go with being a "sponsor" or other equivalent. I don't have godparents and wasn't christened, but I do have someone equivalent. I have known her all my life and consider our relationship to be very special. More so than if my parents had asked her to be a godparent and she had then dutifully sent me a booktoken every birthday until I was 18 (like DH's godparents who he has nothing to do with now). She picked me to take a special interest in and I reciprocate that interest. Even if you don't end up with a named role you can create that relationship and that matters so much more than titles.

I think that either you are intending to be a godparent and support the child's spiritual development in the Christian faith or you are not. If you are intending to do these, then you should be baptised. If you are not intending to these things, then you shouldn't be baptised or become a godparent.

Thanks for all the replies - excellent food for thought which was just what I was after.

Definitely not going to say I have already been christened (just plain wrong), and think the best thing would be to see if I can have a chat with the vicar to scope out the possible sponsor option, or see if talking to him directly helps make the decision clearer.