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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Talk me down, I'm being a bridezilla, I think.

26 replies

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:03

Not a big deal but I could do with some healthy MN perspective. Wedding is in two weeks, just trying to think about flowers. We didn't plan to have any in the church initially, but our venue canceled on us and now it will be a bigger, emptier building where it would look pretty to have flowers.

I had spoken to my mum, very vaguely, about maybe doing some garden flowers mixed with florist basics to put on tables at the reception venue. Now, I've realized that you can get flowers from wholesalers and they're really cheap, but you do have to buy a lot. It'd still be cheaper overall to go for the wholesaler, but we'd end up with masses of flowers and would probably need a some foliage from mum's garden.

I spoke to my mum and she's not at all sure. She was bouncing ideas around, thinking maybe bunches of herbs with parsley seed-heads or fennel seed heads would look nice, maybe little bunches of blue and white flowers.

I appreciate her thinking up ideas and I really appreciate her offering her garden flowers. But would I be being a bridezilla if I told her I really want lots of white flowers from the wholesaler mixed in with some garden greenery? I just really fancy vases of freesias, star of bethlehem, white lilies - I can find it all on the wholesaler's website no problem, but I think mum's really sold on a sort of country-garden look. The thing is, she is right that if I order from the wholesaler, we will have masses of flowers!

Would it be silly to try and talk her into the white flowers idea, given I know it is a bit extravagant on flowers and might look a bit pretentious maybe?

OP posts:

theskiinggardener · 26/07/2010 18:07

Your wedding, your flowers, your look. It's lovely of your mother to offer things, but it sounds like you know what you would like and can get it easily.

pjmama · 26/07/2010 18:08

It's your wedding, choose what you like!

slushy · 26/07/2010 18:09

I don't think yabu and I think your mum will understand and forget once you move on to deciding the next area. Where is this wholesaler can I see the website please I am trying to price up how much I would need for a wedding so I can save.

coventgarden · 26/07/2010 18:09

No way are you bridezilla.

White flowers will look lovely.

LadyBiscuit · 26/07/2010 18:10

That's not remotely bridezilla I don't think There is no way you will be able to get enough flowers from her garden for the whole wedding - even my friend's MIL who has a nursery had to grow stuff especially and they only had a marquee!

So YANBU so just ask her for the foliage - that will be great She's probably trying to save you stress after the church debacle (glad you found somewhere else!)

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 26/07/2010 18:12

Your wedding, your choice - doubly so if you are paying!!

LimaCharlie · 26/07/2010 18:12

No not bridezilla - but lovely of your Mum to want to help - do you think you could put it to her that it would be too much work just before the wedding when you really want her to be there for you - but involve her in the wholesalers trips etc?

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:12

slushy - it's 'flowers4florists' - just google that and you should be ok! They have a minimum spend though.

Thanks for replies everyone - I really wanted to know if you all had the same reaction and thought 'urgh, white flowers, the waste, nooo!'.

There will be little pots of herbs on the tables (yes ... I ended up doing the dreaded 'favours', ok!), so her ideas are nice. Just ... I went a bit crazy when I realized how much nice stuff I could get online.

OP posts:

chocolatefroggie · 26/07/2010 18:13

YANBU we got married a couple of years ago and bought our flowers from a wholesaler to be honest there wasn't really a minimum we could buy but I had all roses enough for 5 bouquets 15 buttonholes 10 tablecentres and 3 big arrangements - we had loads leftover and the whole lot came to £240 so it's not too expensive (I've known brides to spend that much on a bouquet) especially if you pick cheaper flowers to pad out the expensive ones. where in the country are you? our wholesaler was v.nice

FakePlasticTrees · 26/07/2010 18:13

it's your wedding. If you want white flowers, you should have them!

If there are masses of excess flowers, can you make up some rough bunches with some cheap ribbon and ask your guests if they want to take them rather than wedding favours...

And even if there aren't loads left over to do this, make sure you tell people to take the flowers at the end of the evening - I hate the way flowers often just get thrown out after weddings...

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:14

Thanks Lady

Lima - that is a good idea!

OP posts:

belly36 · 26/07/2010 18:14

No, not bridezillery at all. Although see if you can speak to the church florist and see if they can do anything along the lines of what you want.

I did that with my church, I phoned her up, she explained that there was First Communion the day before so there would be yellow, orange and white flowers. Then she asked me what my colours were and I told her purple. Said I wasn't fussed to be honest. Asked how much and she said "it's voluntary but about £30 should cover any extra flowers" When I turned up at the church they were gorgeous, loads of purple and white, masses of flowers.

Btw it would look really nice I think. And it's your wedding.

FakePlasticTrees · 26/07/2010 18:16

oh, x post re favours!

belly36 · 26/07/2010 18:16

Soz, re-read properly and its not in the church

slushy · 26/07/2010 18:17

Thanks will google now .

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:17

Fake - yes, I'll certainly ask people to take bunches! It might still be an awful lot of flowers, I'm finding it really hard to estimate. Mum is absolutely sure she has enough in her garden to decorate the reception (not the church, though!).

Does anyone know about this, actually? It'd be about 70 guests, we think 8 tables. Then we wanted to put flowers and fruit around the cake (it's homemade, so not decorated already). I do need buttonholes but not bouquets (we'll all have our hands full). How much flower do you reckon I need?

OP posts:

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:18

belly - it is in church, we're going somewhere else afterwards. So I do need to get in touch about church flowers. Thanks!

OP posts:

LadyBiscuit · 26/07/2010 18:23

You will need about 8-12 flowers per arrangement. Usual is about 12ish but really depends on the arrangement.

I really think there is no such thing as too many flowers - only too few. You can have vases or swags at the end of the pews.

I would seriously get your mum involved in decorating the church and reception area. She doesn't have to use all the flowers but if she is a keen gardener she will probably really enjoy it (I know I would!)

TartyMcFarty · 26/07/2010 18:24

Don't know about how much, but we had some fab home-made pew ends which would be a good way to use up any leftovers.

In fact we did a combination of what you're planning - lots of cottage garden flowers for the tables and roses and lisianthus for bouquts, buttonholes and arrangements from the wholesaler via a local farm shop. Was really pleased.

(not Bridezilla!)

DinahRod · 26/07/2010 18:25

You might also put a garland of greenery/whatever round the church door, if you are having photographs taken there. The church ladies did a fab job for our church wedding - cost £35.

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:28

Thanks Lady. We do both love flowers.

Tarty, that sounds beautiful.

I am quite excited at the idea of having masses of flowers to play with, actually. It'd be really sad if the garden was decimated and the flowers didn't really survive, which is my worry otherwise.

Thanks very much for all the advice everyone.

OP posts:

QueeferSutherland · 26/07/2010 18:29

I had white flowers-I got them from Tesco a day or two before the wedding.

I got some proper ones too, but nobody noticed them.

I think you're right though.
YANBU.

Original poster

JaneS · 26/07/2010 18:37

See, Queen, this is how I know I am a bridezilla, even when I try to conceal it. I know in the big scheme it doesn't matter, but I love freesias, lilies etc., and hate various other things. Mum did suggest we just went down the market/supermarket the day before and picked out whatever was white to supplement the garden, but - bridezilla-like - I don't fancy going there and then finding there was nothing I liked on that day.

Ah well ... I try to keep this side of me hidden except for on MN. And I can lie to everyone else that the wholesale flowers were simply more convenient.

OP posts:

JosieZ · 26/07/2010 18:59

Are you able to decorate church etc the day before otherwise it is too much on the morning imo.

Also bought flowers are good as they last - garden flowers can wilt quite quickly, specially if it's hot.

My flower arranging is pretty dire so wouldn't attempt it myself.

The florist quoted 25-35 pounds for a table floral decoration - fortunately the hotel are providing them for my daughter's wedding mext summer.

LadyBiscuit · 26/07/2010 19:05

I am very anti-bridezillas (see numerous threads on here ) but I think being a bridezilla is making unreasonable stipulations on your bridesmaids or guests. I don't think it's remotely bridezilla to want flowers that you actually like at your wedding rather than a raggle-taggle lot from your mother's garden. I pick flowers from my garden to put in the house but if I ever got married would want 'proper' flowers. So there

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