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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say he cannot come back

13 replies

livingthehighlife · 26/07/2010 15:10

Yesterday was my son's birthday...i have been split from his father since january. I held a birthday party for him at my home and invited my family and ex's.

My ex has a nephew who is basically the spawn of satan...a little terror, bully, atrociously badly behaved, ill-mannered etc etc. He is notorious for hitting, biting, cursing, kicking (in fact he kicked his own father between the legs on friday night and had him doubled over for half an hour in agony).

Party started off good but quickly descended into madness when he started to pick fights with other childen there. At one point i called down the garden "boys, c'mon now someone is going to get hurt". He had a child younger than him in a headlock throwing him onto a concrete pavement. Half an hour later he took a run and dive at the same boy - who ended up curled up crying on the ground. The boys mother, and the rest of ex's family were in stitches at this, thinking it was hilarious that this child was beating the crap out of other kids there. I was horrified and went out and shouted "knock that in the head NOW".

Ex's family very loudly muttered amongst themselves "why is she getting on like that for?" and then got up and left without saying goodbye. After this point my mum approached me and said that earlier in the day the same boy kicked my son in the leg maliciously and the boys mother laughed and thought this was the best of fun. I lost the plot at this stage and phoned my ex (our son is 2, this boy is 6) and told him that it would be the last time i wouild be inviting his family to any get-togethers like that. Not only was i horrified at a 6 yr old kicking a 2 year old, but for his aunts and grandmothers to stand by and laugh like it was no big deal?

My ex has given me such grief since last night and is making out that i am just a bitter ex with an axe to grind. Apparently i'm nit-picking, out to make his life miserable and have caused unnecessary upset over nothing.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 26/07/2010 15:11

YANBU. If I were you I would just exclude them all from your life.

WurzelBoot · 26/07/2010 15:12

While I'm alien from this experience, you don't sound at all unreasonable to me. It's your house; if you don't want your exes family there then don't have them there. You are not denying either ex or his family to his son; you're just not allowing it on your time.

ChippingIn · 26/07/2010 15:21

YABU

Well, you would be if you invited them back again!!

One of the best bits about having an ex is being able to pick & choose the bits of his family you have contact with.

I wouldn't let the ex have unsupervised access either if he thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

I wouldn't have inflamed the situation by ringing him and telling him you wouldn't invite them again - I just wouldn't do it next time IYSWIM.

livingthehighlife · 26/07/2010 15:36

thanks everyone for your replys...up until this point things had been quite amicable with his family.

i have told him that i do not want DS left unsupervised with this child in the room as the behaviour yesterday was totally unacceptable.

The reason i called my ex was because i was unsure of whether or not he was present during the incident where DS was hit...ex is all too aware of this boys behaviour and capabilities so i couldn't understnad how my ex could have been standing out the back and not intervened in the situation.

I absolutely hate confrontation so trust me when i say i don't actively go looking for it, but i was horrified to hear this yesterday and needed to seek further clarification and to ensure that it does not happen again.

His family are quite rough and had i went over myself to try to get to the bottom of the situation i probably would have been met by threats/actual physical violence.

Its a very sad situation that i never wanted to get into.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 26/07/2010 16:20

They sound like a right charming bunch. I hope you and DS don't have to have too much to do with them.

I wasn't getting at you, sorry if it sounded that way, I just meant that I wouldn't tell the ex anything I didn't have to and just let things take their course - but I see you didn't really ring him just to say 'they aren't coming here again'... Do you think he saw what happened and ignored it or do you think he would have stood up for DS if he had seen it?

I can't believe you invited people who would make you feel scared to stand up for your DS?! You are too nice and you need to stop being so welcoming and generous to these people who do not deserve it. There's no way you should feel that way anywhere let alone in your own home!!

livingthehighlife · 26/07/2010 16:38

Ach no no, i knew you weren't having a go

I really hope to god he didn't see what happened..because if i thought that i'm afraid it would be supervised access at my house twice a week in that case. I really would like to believe that he would have stood up for DS had he seen it.

They are a nasty bunch if you get on the wrong side of them in fairness...but like i said, i've always been on thier good side and have tried to remain amicable throughout the breakup.

However it will be a cold day in hell before any one of them steps foot across my front door again. They might raise thier kids like animals but my son certainly will not be following suit.

OP posts:
prozacfairy · 26/07/2010 17:07

YANBU! No wonder that boy is such a little shit troublesome little boy if he has such a captive audience! I find their behaviour more sickening than the boy's!

Quite sad really- the kid will end up with no friends if he treats other people like that- not that he deserves any friends ofcourse....

Stand your ground on this one- your house, your rules. It just so happens that in your house you dont allow bullies. Think that is totally reasonable!

ChippingIn · 26/07/2010 18:13

livingthehighlife - just remember, anytime you have to deal with any of them, there are lots of us here standing right behind you!!

DetectivePotato · 26/07/2010 18:43

OMG!!!! YANBU.

I wouldn't be inviting them anywhere again either. Bloody disgusting to think that this behaviour is funny. How would they like it if a 10 year old started kicking and putting this little horror in a headlock?

Tell your ex you are not inviting them again and thats the end of it.

Jasonthunderpants · 26/07/2010 19:12

They sound terrible. You are better of without them and you dont want your son growing up around such a bad lot

Keep well away

thephoenix · 26/07/2010 19:21

agree with everyone else. Your house, your rules. As long as you are allowing your ex contact with your DS you are doing the right thing. You do not have to have his rather unpleasant sounding family in your house

livingthehighlife · 26/07/2010 22:32

Thank you everyone..as much as i know i'm right in this, it does really get me down so i'm really grateful for your support today.

I've told exP that they will not be back near the house, nor is DS to be left unsupervised with this boy, when DS is at their house (exP still lives with his mum). I've told him that unless these requests are followed i'm afraid the access he will get to DS will be supervised visits at my house only.

ExP's mother already as one court order disallowing her to see one of her grandchildren so i think if it ever went down the legal route, i'd have a pretty strong case in my favour.

I'm going to have a nice glass of wine, chill out in the bath and go to bed early because my head has been pounding all day with the stress of this.

Night ladies xxx

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 26/07/2010 22:52

Night - enjoy the rest of the evening, put this behind you

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