to think that if you are on a dating site and ticking the boxes about being attracive, sexy, happy with your appearance etc....

[HerBeatitude]

Then you probably ought to tick that you are attractive, sexy, happy with your appearance and that if you aren't, perhaps you shouldn't be looking to date right now, but to look at the reasons why you aren't feeling attractive, sexy and happy with your appearance and do something about that first?

Only, you're not selling yourself to by saying "that's not me at all" on the "sexy" or "attractive" box. Why would anyone think that anyone else would be interested in meeting someone who is not confident that they are sexy and attractive? Are there shedloads of people out there desperate to team up with sexless, unattractive people?

This was Match.Com btw. Was surfing it with newly divorced friend and she got quite depressed. And frankly, I see her point.

So go on, AIBU?

I recently bought a book which compiled the best lonely-hearts adverts from the London Review of Books, famed for it's unusual ads of this type.

To reproduce a couple of my favourites:

" I'd like to dedicate this advert to my mother (difficult cow, 65) who is responsible for me still being single at 36. Man. 36. Single. Held at home by years of subtle emotional abuse and at least 19 fake heart attacks. Box no 6207"

" Man, 42 suffers severe mood swings. You've got to laugh. On second thoughts, don't. Box no 7535"

" Shy, ugly man fond of extended periods of self-pity, middle-aged, flatulent and overweight, seeks the impossible. Box no 8623"

For me I find nothing more sexy in a man that a sense of humour and the ability to make me laugh a lot .

I don't really LOOK sexy either though HB - you know I'm quite happy about my looks, and all of that, but I'm just not "sexy", I know I'm not - I'm rather a "plain jane" to look at tbh. Although I do have very striking blue eyes (just the rest of the face doesn't quite live up to them LOL)

But there's more to me than my looks (or lack of ).

But being happy about your looks probably makes you sexy. Seriously.

I think all this discussion has proved is that we can't agree on a definition of the word sexy and that therefore it's a bit of a pointless yardstick!

I mean, I know there are people out there who do believe Jordan and that ilk to be sexy - if that's what they are expecting and I ticked sexy on my profile, they would be getting a nasty shock...

yes - maybe - but that's only once you get to know someone - like it or not people DO often judge on first appearance (looks) - especially online where the first thing they see is your photo.....

Like Toccata I left the 'attractive' bit blank.

I find that a nice smile attracts me as much as anything.

So, interstingly, would we all be put off by a man who ticks 'very attractive'?

Yes, I would be. But then I don't find conventionally "very attractive" men actually attractive - G Clooney, B Pitt etc. I can appreciate that they are good-looking but they would be too good-looking for me. I'd assume anyone classing themself as "very attractive" was similarly conventionally very good-looking. Or a bit full of themselves.

yes if they didn't fit my idea of "very attractive" (and I have a very broad taste in men).

If they're the not sort of that people you would expect to see when you open the pages of a magazine and see adverts with men in them (now some of those models I don't find attractive BUT I can see how they are "very attractive" if that makes sense??). then yes I would be put off, The sort of "universal" conventional appeal that some men have.

Obviously if they have those looks then I see how full of themselves they are with it as well before clicking away...........and I'm sorry but some of those men you can tell just from their profile they're so far up their own arses that I'm surprised they can see far enough out to read the profiles of the women...........

i feel better already, no one wants as much as i though