To think that DP was being TOTALLY PFB?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

So, she dragged me out for a walk around the park yesterday. Baby was is sling and grizzled the whole way, not really the way I would choose to spend my time.

When we got back she insisted on checking the baby's legs for marks, she is so paranoid about hurting her with the sling. And of course she insisted on asking me for a second opinion. There was nothing there, just a tiny mark like a sock would leave.

Anyway, baby was still upset so she took baby off to bed to feed her to sleep - she is far too attached I can't see why she can't sleep on her own.

After beng ignored for a while I decided to head in and see what she was up to, they were both asleep! Typical, I flopped myself down on the bed and they both woke up. Baby was all smiley as she always is after a nap, so she started to play with the baby when she noticed these marks on one leg.

I mean they were tiny, nothing there, a few wee spots that she described as a "pinprick rash" and demanded I get her a glass. I told her she was being daft and overreacting but got the glass anyway. she rolled glass around on baby's leg and then asked if we should take her to hospital. Hospital FFS! I told her, again, that it was nothing to worry about, it was just a heat rash, there was nothing wrong with her.

But no, she rushes out of the room and starts frantically tapping on the computer and then tells me that according to NHS24 we should be calling an ambulance. So we ended up taking baby to A&E, then the A&E at the childrens hospital where baby was subjected to a pile of pointless tests like having her blood taken, poor thing. The whole time I kept thinking she (DP) was about to cry!. At the end of 5 hours we were sent home, and like I had said there was nothing wrong.

AIBU to think she was being completely PFB, totally overreacted, and I really can't be arsed speding 5 hours in A&E with a screaming baby every time she so much as sneezes!!

PS I have tried to write this post from what I feel to be my DPs viewpoint. I am the "she" who was close to tears in A&E. So was I being totally PFB?

Yup. You were. But who hasn't been like that at one time or another? It's bloody scary having a tiny human being 100% dependant on you to stay alive! Whether they live or die is down to you! Never mind the person they will become. Thet's enough to make even the most laid back person a bit crackers sometimes

More important, I feel, from what you have written, is your treatment of and attitude towards your partner. He is the baby's father, he is 50% of all of this. Be a team.

whoops. missed this bit!

because he doesn't accept any responsibility for being a parent. He is not letting having a daughter change his life at all. I feel like a single parent. And no I can't talk to him about it because I feel so guilty for having dd in the first place and ruining his life

What responsibility do you feel you want to see that he is not accepting?

How do you feel his daughter should be changing his life? What are your criteria? What do you want to see?

Has he said that having the child has ruined his life?

You did nothing wrong and nothing that all of us haven't done in one way or another in the past - how about calling NHS direct 2 hours after my PFB had her first set of jabs? I did decline the ambulance they offered to send................. In fact as long as the medical professionals didn't send you away like you were a daft mother then you are ok, which they obviously didn't. I think you will find that everyone would prefer for you to take a well baby to a & e than to leave a sick baby to suffer and for you all to suffer the consequences.

At least you didn't go to a & e for still having Lochia at 4 weeks like one of my friends !

Also being sleep deprived and a new baby does make you go slightly bonkers, being on your own with a new born whilst your dh goes out even for work can be stressful and you can feel like it is the end of the world.
I would suggest that you perhaps talk to your HV or to your Dr about it just to put your mind at rest. Also this new born phase does pass and it does get better and your life will return to normal.

Perhaps try and go out for a couple of drinks with some girlfriends to have some adult time - I can assure you you will feel much happier once you have done this as you will probably miss PFB soooo much that you will just want to be at home with her!

slushy was that aimed at me? I didnt say she had PND... I said i did.

The rash was probably heat rash.
If the baby was happy it is quite U to subject her to A&E and a blood test.

I'm sure your partner didn't mean to wake you up!
If he did, he's a twunt, but maybe he just wanted to snuggle with his family.
He played with the baby-it sounds lovely.
You do sound quite down on him.

"You sound absolutely revolted by your partner. Does he really have these thoughts about you or are you imagining them?

You sound very highly strung and a bit like me when I had just had my baby. I had PND and I HATED my partner.

I would seek some counselling and ask yourself if you like your partner enough to actually be in a relationship with him"

I was not being nasty or funny I guess it just made it sound like you thought she had PND but I wasn't being funny with you I just didn't think the way she was with her DP is a full indication of PND because as I remember it all couple's argue while they sort out the new ratio, and I remember feeling quite resentful to my partner.

YANBU to have the rash checked out. DS has twice had a similar thing (a non-blanching purple kind of "petechial" rash all over his legs) and we have been to hospital each time (indeed, we were sent in that direction by NHS direct).

I have been told by the Paediatrician to take him straight back to A&E if it happens again, even if he seems fine, as babies can get sick very quickly.

Possibly a little bit PFB about the sling, but we've all been there

Fair enough slushy. I wasnt diagnosing her with PND I was just saying that the way she wrote about her partner was like how I would have writen and I had PND and hated my partner so maybe she should see if either of those things are the cause for her vitriol.

Youre right, it could just be the usual relationship struggles that come with new baby.

This sounds familiar to me, I've panicked a few times myself, it's hard not to at first I think. Most new parents will have a similar tale.
Your dp's attitude also sounds familiar. We've just split up.

Flippin' eck

So I have PND and should leave DP? Gotta love Mumsnet

r.e. DP - yes I was being a bit ranty, but was pissed off and painting him in the worst possible light. I love him to bits really, though he can be deeply exasperating.

r.e. the rash. It was a "proper" rash, very similar to the ones on the Meningitis UK website. Was not a heat-rash. The reason it was taken seriously by the hospital was that it was the "correct" rash for meningitis, but fortunately this particular type of rash can be caused by many other things .

When I suggested that the rash was caused by the sling I did not mean it was rash caused by rubbing on the sling or anything similar. It is possible (though we don't know) that the sling may have been pressing on her in an odd way, which caused this rash at a later time on a part of her leg that had not been in contact with the sling. A very slightly overtight bandage, for example, may have caused a similar effect on a part of the limb not touched by the bandage.

we all learn from our experiences. thats all I can say really. dont be too hard on yourself