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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..or am I overreacting?

12 replies

rhelove · 26/07/2010 02:41

SIL is a nanny and we recently employed her to help with our 4yo twins as dh and I work. Last weekend she came with us to the playpark. While there, ds accidently pushed dd over. She was not hurt however SIL ran up and started yelling at him loudly infront of everyone and even threatened to smack him. I was furious and told her so but she said I was overreacting and she has the right to shout at them since she looks after them. Dh agreed but it's not as if she was working, it was a family day out!

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 26/07/2010 03:06

I think you are perhaps mistaken to involve family in a paid capacity to look after your child. If you had interviewed her as a stranger and found she was happy to threaten smacking, would she still have got the job?

I would re-think this now.

prozacfairy · 26/07/2010 06:24

I agree with Bof. This needs a rethink.

I wouldn't be happy with her myself for 3 reasons.

  1. She threatened to smack YOUR child
  1. She did so in front of you and DH, not giving you a chance to deal with the situation
  1. She then basically that from now on, she can do what she likes with your DC because she looks after them.

YANBU at all and I dont think you are overreacting. It's pretty strange that she doesn't seem worried about your concern regarding this.

gorionine · 26/07/2010 06:30

Not over reacting IMHO, It would really have ennoyed me if I had heard about it after the event but to happen while you are present to and not letting you deal with it is definitelly not good.

LittleSilver · 26/07/2010 08:15

Re-think needed quickly. You've lost the trust already haven't you?

waitingforbedtime · 26/07/2010 08:19

Not over-reacting imo it is never ok to shout at kids (but everyone does ime!)unless they are in imminent danger like about to run out into a road for example.

Shouting is a/bullying and b/all about lack of control.

If anyone threatened to smack my child I would be furious.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/07/2010 08:49

Put aside that she's family - you'd have sacked her already. And pull your DH up on this, he should not have sided with his sister. YADNBU.

DetectivePotato · 26/07/2010 09:28

She shouldn't tell your DCs off when you are there. She isn't working at that time and your DH should have backed you up. The fact that she threatened to smack your DS means you should find yourself another nanny, like others have said if it wasn't family you wouldn't let a nanny behave this way. I feel sorry for the other children she looks after, unless she thinks she can only to it to yours as they are family?

WorgenFreeman · 26/07/2010 11:16

We have employed my Dh brother's partner in an official capacity as a nanny, and we do actually tend to hang out a lot as a family too at weekend things....and when myself or dh are there, we are the parents....and if ds or dd does something a bit wrong/dangerous, then Nanny/sil will disciplin him, if I or dh is distracted by one of the children or not in immediate area (as I would expect any family member to do tbh)...but she will tell us what happened and never does it in a way I disagree with, or she would not be looking after my children full stop..

She is probably a touch more strict than I am, but then maybe she feels she needs to be, as this is her job..whereas I am just thankful one of them has not managed to seriously injure themselves by climbing/jumping etc by the end of the day!

GypsyMoth · 26/07/2010 11:31

threatening violence to your child??

sack her!!

Colliecross · 26/07/2010 11:35

If she is shouting (except as an urgent warning) then she is not in control of herself. If she cannot control herself how can she control a child?
With threats of violence?
To teach him to be kind to his sister?
Wrong in every way.

Altinkum · 26/07/2010 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LutyensCBA · 26/07/2010 11:59

Not acceptable on so many levels. Any nanny who even threatened smacking (let alone carried out the threat) would be shown the door in our house. I'm also concerned by the fact that she basically over-ruled your and your dh's authority by being the one to jump in to deal with the situation.

My mum looks after dd for 3 days a week (picks her up from school, and gives her tea and bath and has her in pjs for me to pick up at 7). When she's alone with dd, she has final authority and I wouldn't tell her how to handle issues. But when I or dh are present, then she tends to take a back-seat and lets us handle things in our way. Even if she doesn't agree, she would never say so in front of dd and would save it to discuss with me later. What your SIL did would have me livid.

Agree with BoF, the situation needs a big re-think from your side.

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