To think that leaving a child somewhere is not the same as giving them independence?

[Lougle]

There is a girl I know whose mother is very keen that she should be as independent as possible.

She is....4

Every Birthday Party I have been to this year, she has been dropped off and her mother has left.

She would get dropped off and picked up from preschool by another relative, as Mum worked (not an issue), but at any of the preschool events, the Mum wasn't there, but neither was the other relative. The little girl always looks, though

This week she was at a party which my DD was invited to. She fell over and hurt herself, and spent ages cuddled up to me. I asked her if her Mum had gone for a cup of tea while she was at the party, and she said "No, she has left me here. With . She was so sad. She just wanted to be cuddled.

Later in the party, she came to me across the hall, and said "Can I have a hug?" I said that of course she could! and she ran across to a chair on the opposite side of the hall, waiting for me to sit down, then climbed up onto my lap and snuggled in.

Don't get me wrong, children need to learn to go to places on their own, but surely, given that the Mum works all of term-times, she could have spared under 2 hours to go to a party with her daughter, and for her daughter to have had someone delighting in her fun?

Wow so now not only is she a bad mum for abandoning the child at every opportunity, she also doesn't appreciate what an angel she is as defined by you. You actually think you know her better than her own mother. Are you kidding me?

You also criticise the mum for picking her up quickly and running out of the door - sounds like a very harassed mum to me for reasons we have no idea about.

I get that the child was sad and needed a cuddle - these things happen, and it's great you were there to cuddle her. So what? Mums should always stick around in case the child has a wobble - that's ridiculous.

But why aren't you answering BALD's point? You are being very judgey of the mother and not judgey at all of the father. Why do you give the father a free pass and think the mother is a bad parent?

KickButtowski, I haven't heard a positive comment from the family about her in all the time I have known her, genuinely. Others have even commented on it.

I don't think I know her better, but I do think that it is clear from her words and her facial expressions that she is sad when her family isn't there at things that are important to her. OK, parties are painful for the parents. I had a real ball watching my DD like a hawk so she didn't ruin the fun or have a meltdown (SN), but it is part of parenting. You don't get to pick and choose.

Doesn't matter how harrassed you are, it is simple social skills to approach the host and say 'thanks for the party, we are leaving now'. Takes only a minute.

Lougle quite frankly bully for you aren't you the perfect parent!I am obviously lower on the parental pecking order than you because I dare to leave my DC's at a party. You have no idea about this woman's life and other comitments.

lisanthus, I did address BALD's point at Sun 25-Jul-10 21:25:19, when I said that I only said 'Mum' because I have never met the Dad, and that equally her Dad could have come, as one father did.

hobnobs, that is ridiculous. I am not saying that you are a bad parent, or that I am a good parent. I am saying that this child needed her Mum (or Dad) and that she has never been complimented, or had compliments accepted about her in the last two years that I have known the family.

Lougle get a life if you have nothing better to do that gossip about this other parent and keep a scorecard of positive/negative comments made about this poor woman you need to get out more

A bit personal, don't you think? Check my posting history. How many times do I start AIBU threads? How many times do I say 'look what he or she did'? I don't. I have tonight because it made me sad, and I felt guilty about not being able to tell her Mum about the injury as I had promised her.

I was not gossiping, I was asking for opinions. Isn't that what Mumsnet is about? I think you'll find much more judgemental threads on here.

op, YANBU

as you will learn, some people don't have time for their own kids

don't get het up defending how you feel, sounds like you've touched a nreve here

I've no experience of 4yo parties, so can't really comment on that. But it does sound sad that you have consistently experienced all positive comments about the girl being negated by her mum. That's not good at all and would upset me too.

I'm sure she appreciated the attention you gave her today and that's really all you can do I suspect. Oh, and making sure you comment on her good behaviour to her directly when you see it, but I suspect you already do that.

Now I am thinking that BALD posted 'hmmm' after I posted that my DD can't go to the toilet alone.

Just for the record DD has SN and has to have constant supervision. She starts special school this year.

does this child have siblings?

No

no I am hmmming at your PA assertion that it can't be that hard to stay as the child is an only

HTH

I always stay for parties, will do until i'm told to bog off by my 8 year old, next year probably

Thank you, yes, it does clarify. I don't think it was Passive Agressive, personally. Just opinion. She has one child. She is on annual leave, I fail to see how 2 hours can be too much of a burden.

that the girl was missing her mum and needed a hug. She sounds like a little sweetie. And it's sad that the parents don't seem to have a positive word to say about her. But you can't necessarily extrapolate from what you've seen and presume to know how her parents are with her at other times.

YANBU.

I wouldn't leave my 4yo at a party, and I know very few mums who would. About 50% of parents stay at 5yo parties around here, with many leaving them for the first time at 6yo parties (Y1)

I also wouldn't send DD to the loo by herself, unless in family or good friends homes. She's just turned 5.

I know a working mum who's DC are dropped off like this...always have been,even when tiny, in places they have never been before, where they know no one.They were usually . Why this mum has never got a nanny is beyond me.

again you are not critiscising the father

why not please

Lougle there's a mum who always leaves her dd at parties we go to, she always asks another mum to look after her then off she goes. This little girl also spends most parties cuddled up to someone elses mum and everyone always comments on it.

She did it at my ds2's party and several mums did tell her when she came to collect her that she had been in tears all through.

I don't leave ds2 at parties and he's 5, nor do any of the other parents round here. I think it's a bit young tbh

YANBU. I think it is sad that neither parent seems to be participating in this girl's life outside the home - eg never attending any pre-school events. With two parents you would think one could have spared the time to attend some of the events.

When ds was 4 it was the norm to stay as it was his first year at school so most parents took the opportunity to stay and get to know other parents in the class/year. There were always a couple who didn't and who didn't seem to notice that their dc was always cuddling another parent at collection time .

I have already explained - haven't met father, mother brought her to party and left her. Had her Father dropped her off, I would be saying the same about him.