Well, yes, if that was all it was, if it was some normal responsible ex-husband that was a loving, caring, attentive father to his children, that would be unreasonable. Completely unreasonable. That's not the case here.
I'd like to give you some background. I'm not asking for judgement on my nor his actions, I'd just be grateful for an objective viewpoint.
I left my husband 6 years ago after his behaviour to the children became more and more appalling. I explained I needed a trial separation as things were getting progressively worse between us and there was constant friction and fighting in the house. He wouldn't have that idea and just walked out on us, without a word as to where he was going, and disappeared for a week.
The day he came back, he tried to emotionally blackmail the children by saying, "Mummy doesn't love me any more so Daddy is going to kill himself now. But remember I love you and always will, but Mummy doesn't want me so I have to go away." (Seriously, he actually said those words to two children of 4 and 6 years old. Outside, on the pavement, with the neighbours watching.)
I freaked out as his suicide attempt was just too close to what happened here. His suicide just wasn't as well planned. Luckily the police managed to find him before he did any harm to himself or others.
I took the children and left the UK, going to our holiday home to get away which is where we had planned on moving to later that year anyway. Our divorce went through in 2006 and I have been here ever since.
My question I would like advice with is this: If I come back to live in England do I have to notify my deranged ex-husband to the whereabouts of the children? And given as he has already tried twice now to snatch them with lies and trickery, I want to keep him from tracking me down or taking my children while I fight him in court for custody. We had a simple divorce, no further arrangements were made for the children other than they lived with me.
He has not paid a penny in support in all these years, has 'no known address' so he can't be tracked and works on the black so it looks like he is poor. (But can afford trips to the States to visit internet girlfriends. I have no problem with him having girlfriends, we're divorced and I've moved on certainly, I simply have a problem with his financial priorities.)
I quit giving him my home address because he was leaving disgusting things in the postbox, however, he has had access in the past to see them away from our actual home. But even though he has had a mailing address he does not send Christmas or Birthday cards or presents or even so much as a letter or postcard to his children, even though he promises them such in infrequent text messages or emails. (ONE text message for two children just doesn't cut it as a Christmas present.)
Every time he does come to see the children he never notifies us in advance so we can be ready and make sure we don't have anything else planned. He attempts to terrorise us and these last two visits has attempted to spread lies to the local police declaring I've kidnapped HIS children. (The first time, as we all stood in the Police Station together, the Police officer wryly said, "these children are happy, healthy and obviously well-adjusted and they've been away 5 years from the UK, so, are you saying you've just noticed they were gone?" The second time the Police said, "Didn't we go over this last time?")
As I see it, this isn't about the children it's about terrorising me, it's about control and manipulating the situation to HIS wants, not what the children want. They have had so little contact, and what contact they've had has been fraught with such stress, raised voices and general bad feelings, that they no longer wish to have anything to do with him.
I don't think they should be required to see him if it is not an enjoyable and worthwhile experience. Furthermore, seeing as he has behaved like a nonchalant sperm donor up to now, I don't see why I should force them to do so. But I do welcome different perspectives, viewpoints and objective voices on this situation, as I cannot distance myself enough from it and I know this.
Thank you for reading this, I know it was long but I wanted to shed some light on my situation. If you have any words of guidance to share with me, it would be most gratefully received.