To be LIVID at the hypocrisy of DH??

[Citrus81]

A while ago DS (11) wanted to watch a movie about super heroes that was an 18. I said no at first but when I watched the trailer, I must admit I did consider it. I think it was Wolverine or something. But DH was liKE "no, no way, definately not, movies are 18's for a reason, bad parenting to let him watch it, over my dead body" etc etc etc. I backed down and agreed it would be wrong to let him watch it.

So last night DD (13) said she wanted to order some DVDs and wanted DH to "help" her. This morning he tells me "oh, she ordered nanny mcphee - and I can't remember the other 3.

So I look in his emails this morning and find an order from amazon confirming his order for nanny mcphee, Hot Fuzz (15), Paranormal Activity (15) and - wait for it - LAW ABIDING CITIZEN WHICH IS A GRUESOME 18!!!

I have text and asked if the DVD is for her, he won't answer me.

I know I'm not being unreasonable to be livid, but I sure as hell wanna vent about it. It will be going straight back but I will not forget this hypocrisy in a hurry. I'm livid. He preaches to me all high and mighty about parenting, Mr fucking Hollier than thou ......

YANBU. I wouldn't be too fussed about Hot Fuzz, but agree about the others

She's livid about his hypocrisy, not about the films.

YANBU, OP.

OP, YANBU. Paranormal Activity scared me witless and I am an adult!

His hypocrisy is unbelievable IMO

yeah I'm not bothered about the films (hence why I considered letting DS watch an 18, rightly or wrongly) but its the sheer hypocrisity of it. How he DARE preach to me in the way that he does and then go and do that makes me sick.

Well, if I was ordering children's dvds from amazon, I might put stuff in for myself too. Are you certain they're not for him?

no because I know what he's like, if he was buying it for us he would have asked me to go halves on it. He ALWAYS does.

He's just admitted it anyway. "she's 13 now, I think she's old enough for the odd 18"

fucking dick. Talk about favouritism. No wonder DS always feels like 2nd best.

YANBU but I'm sensing there might be other issues here?

He's ALWAYS favouritising DD. DS has to go to bed dead on time but he tells her in secret she can stay up in her room until whenever as long as she's quiet. DS has to buy DVDS out of his own money but he secretely gets hers on his card. DS got a treat for excellent sats results and so he insisted on getting DD a treat for the same thing - BEFORE he results had even come out and when they did they were below her actual targets which completely devalued DS's reward. ds is "too" old to be taxi'd to school/friends etc yet his OLDER sister isn't?

I'm starting to hate the fucker. (DH, not DD obviously!)

What an arse!? Why is he doing this? Have you challenged him?

yes. He reckons he doesn't realise he's doing it. I've just totally had enough.

Does sound like a bit of favouritism going on there.

But there is a huge difference in 11 and 13 isn't there?

I had to pave the way for my younger siblings, begging to get out once a month, then my 17 year old sis was out a couple of times a week 10 years later. I had a major rebellion though so they learned!

he'll probably be watching this stuff when he is 12 thanks to his big sister

Its not about the films though or who's watching what. It's his attitude. The way he preaches shit to me but then goes behind my back to do the complete opposite. The way he more or less calls me a shit parent but then secretely does all the stuff he tells me off for doing. The secrecy ("don't let on that you've got this DD, hide it"), the lack of respect for me, the lying.

Its not about the movies. Its about DH's attitude to me.

he 'tells you off'?

i think you need to re-visit that phrase.

i mean if thats how you refer to it day to day - there is something wrong here honey!

if my dh shouted at me like i ws a 6 year old i would tell him to get fucked.

You're right Custardo. I put up with far too much shit. Yesterday DH was at work and DS had some music on. When DH come home from work he said "DD text me to say she was woken up with loud music?" as if I had to explain my fucking self. I'm being "grassed on" by a 13 year old. And then told off when "the boss" comes home. Fuck that. I've had enough completely. I've had enough of everything.

It's always worth reading the BBFC extended guidance, though (warning: may contain spoilers) off www.bbfc.org.uk. My elder, 14, heard Kermode raving on about how heartwarming Le Concert is. She plays in various orchestras and I said I'd take her, until it turned out that it's a 15. I'm pretty hardline on certification, especially in cinemas.

But I read the extended information and decided that on this occasion, I couldn't care less: it's certificated 15 for the zero-tolerance reason that (and bear in mind that this is a subtitled art film in French) the word m-f- is not allowed at 12A. That's pretty much it. I suppose that if she's really quick she might be able to match subtitles to dialogue and learn something to enliven her GCSE French writing, but the world certainly isn't going to end. Ah, for a 15A certificate.

Sounds a bit of a bully to me.

He makes you pay half if the DVD is for both of you WTF?

yes Diddl, ridiculously fucked up isn't it? I think I've lost sight of what is normal in a relationship tbh. People act so shocked when I recount our day to day life and it's not until I take a proper look at things I realise why.

so what did you say to that - the loud music text thing?

tbh - i would say - "if you want to be a sahd- you knobjockey, then go ahead, im off tesco for an application form - sure we might have to downsize, sell the house, move area, sell the cars.. but i am sure as you want to be a sahd SOOOO much, my part time wages and our unending happiness will see us through.

The asking to go halves on DVDs is bad enough! The favouritism towards your DD is just not on. Sorry, I think this is pretty serious and will take some addressing all round. I know that's not comforting. But YANBU, anyway.

Haven't read the rest of the responses but please whatever you do, do not allow you DD anywhere near Law Abiding Citizen. I love scary films, thrillers etc and am pretty unshockable generally, but Law Abiding Citizen i frigtening and grotesque beyond belief. There are extended scenes in it, in which the man tortures someone, cutting part fter part of his body off while he is alive that you actually see on the screen. I would not let my DCs anywhere near it until much much older than 13.

Also, YANBU - total hypocrisy too. However, my greatest concern is that you don't let her near Law Abiding Citizen (or at very least watch it with DH first so you can make a decision together). For what it's worth I personally don't mind younger children watching some older things, but it's always best to watch it first and make a judgement call based on your DCs maturity/fearfulness. For example, my DD is almost 8 and can't even look at a Dalek without screaming, let alone watch Sarah Jayne adventures or even ET!! but I'd be happy for her to watch certain 12a's if they weren't scary because she is quite emotionally mature and can handle relationship talk etc.

He is undermining you at every turn at every turn isn't he? Your dd has picked up on this and is starting to go behind your back too. There is a lack of respect here and it isn't doing anything for your self-esteem let alone what your poor ds feels about it...
As for the films, arrange for you and your ds to be away for the night when she watches Paranormal Activity and let dh deal with the nightmares.

He asks you to go halves????? Don't you have a joint account?

And are both the dcs both of yours?