am i? i will be in a minute though...calm me down

[ThatVikRinA22]

i used to live on a street where an elderly lady used to get me to nip down the road to her and do anything she needed help with.

she has a grown up daughter with mental health problems (which she refuses to get help for) who lives just up the road and a grown up grand daughter. they do nothing to help her.

i moved 4 years ago across town. the elderly lady still phones me if she wants anything, because she has failing health, eye sight and needs someone, and her family just dont help her.

her daughter acts helpless. she is a selfish individual. the other week her mum (elderly lady) phoned me because she was ill and i drove her to the out of hours gp. her daughter phoned while i was there and began to regale me with her tails of woe, that she was ill, that her pills werent working etc etc. not a thanks for helping mum. not the merest hint of concern for her mums well being. in short she really really pisses me off because i am the muggins who runs around after her mother.

tonight her mother phoned me to tell me the DAUGHTERS burglar alarm was going off and she was saying she (the daughter) couldnt cope and would commit suicide! she said they had phoned the police to come and turn it off (!!!) and they quite rightly refused.(its saturday night, they will have enough to deal with tonight) so i go down to her daugthers house. the alarm - its ancient. it works on a 3 pin plug. so i unplugged it and turned it off. she apparently didnt think to do this. she then tells me im ok etc etc because i "have a man". her daughter (the elderly ladies grand daughter) is sat in the living room smoking fags and quite happily leaving me to sort out her gran and her mother.

i leave.

i get home. i get another call. its going off again. elderly lady is now crying down the phone. i spent 3 1/2 hours sorting this fucking alarm, getting an electrician to come. the first alarm company i phone says they had dealings with her earlier in the day and she (the elderly ladies deranged daughter) ranted at them, they therefore refused to come out. he says she is mentally unstable. i know. trust me i know.

i rang loads of electricians and eventually get one who will come out on a saturday night.

i have just logged onto facebook where i find a message from the elderly ladies grandaughter. we are not facebook pals...it says

"alarm going off again."

i then get another one saying

"Alarm all sorted."

yes. because i fucking sorted it you ungrateful bastards. would it be unreasonable of me to post that back? because right now im very very very tempted...

the elderly lady knows im going into police so now she phones me for absolutely everything and anything. at xmas she was left alone in the house with no food - on xmas eve i ended up going and getting her shopping while her lazy arsed daughter and grand daughter did nothing. i dont begrudge helping anyone, ever, but tonight i gave up my night off running about after them and i got not a thankyou, just a sodding rude facebook message as if its my job to sort their stuff out.

i am incensed at the cheek of the facebook message. i would like to reply in a manner fitting how i feel but seriously try to explain that i am not their personal assistant.
AIBU?

Block them from your fb so you can't get any more messages!

Agree you should block them from your fB. They are not your friends!

Fob off the daughter and GD's problems. Left to their own devices they shoud be able to sort themselves out, and you don't a) like them or b) owe them anything, so be too busy to help!

You are lovely though OP.

thanks everyone. i think i have always had MUG stamped across my forehead....i seem to pick up waifs and strays including dogs, cats, troubled teens and elderly people with alarming ease. it may be something i need to work on.

i am feeling a little calmer today. i deleted the messages so i didnt have to look at them and seethe!
i have phoned some other elderly neighbour pals on the same street and they says its got to the point where they daren,t answer the phone because the lady is always phoning for help. im going to pop over and see her later today and get the number of the nursing team who is seeing her. im going to phone and speak with them and social services.

other neighbour who i spoke with today says she refuses to let anyone phone anyone, but tough tits. its time to do something before she does herself a damage. apparently she phoned that neighbour (who is also in her 70's and unwell) to go and show her how to use the microwave - she says she is getting very forgetful, tearful and angry so i think its time to act.

sounds like a good plan vicar. you're a much nicer person than I am to keep helping but I guess if you can find a way to help while dropping the other 2 then that's great. hopefully SS will sort something out.

phoned her today and seems the crux of the matter is she doesnt want to pay for help, and because she is well off she doesnt qualify for help with costs.

im a bit now.

ive told her straight that she is in a fortunate enough position to be able to pay - she says she wants to leave all her money for her sodding useless family which i can understand, but not paying for services which she clearly needs is just nuts.

she gave me the phone number of the nurses and it seems she is already under the care of community CPN for older people. (i rang and got an answer phone - ill phone back next week) there really is a limit to what i can do. she has to want to help herself even if that means paying for some social services help. they apparently arranged some help and some community social stuff like popping to the local community centre for a meal, but she says she wont go as she has to pay!
half her problem is loneliness, she hates being alone so i think the social stuff would be great for her but why she thinks that someone else should pay for it is beyond me. she also was very active in the church which is only round the corner from her house - you'd think her priest would help a bit - her friend has said she will take her to church next week.

ive also told her in a month i wont be able to just drop everything and come running. i hope she realises i mean it.

Change your phone number?

I am very in favour of helping people, but sometimes when they are taking the piss you have to draw a line.

she should move into a home or something I reckon. not necessarily a proper old people's home but maybe sheltered housing? my nan bought a flat in a complex with wardens, there's a hobby room etc, it's fab.

that is completely taking the piss that she's not willing to pay when she is in the minority of OAPs who can actually afford it. FFS. either she's not as lovely as you think, or her evil family is persuading her not to use the money so they'll inherit it. either way, I'm

I hate to say it but maybe when you are away soon and therefore aren't dropping everything for them she will be forced to pay instead!

I think if her phone can be set to dial various numbers she might need and as you said a sheet of paper with number in large print stuck up on the wall behind her phone and SS alerted that she requires help, I would disentangle myself.

Does your own phone reveal caller ID? If so I would not answer the daughter and rest of the family tbh

She's taking the piss. If she can afford to pay for things then she should, it's not on to rely on the kindness of friends etc for everything when she could afford some more help.

You have a great reason to draw back from it all with starting your new job.

Alibaba is right, you have the perfect excuse with your new job. Give her a list of numbers, ways she can help herself. Tell her you're going to be very busy and won't be able to answer calls and see how she manages.

I had sympathy with the gran until the point you mentioned she didn't want to pay for anything. No matter what age, that's just tough. You can't just get stuff free just because you're old.

You have been great to her, you are a good person but don't be taken for a ride anymore. You've done the right thing telling her you can't come running anymore. Just make sure you stick to it. Better for everyone in the long run.

im going to phone and have a chat with the nurse, explain what im doing and then try to do just that. (disengage)

perhaps the nurse can talk some sense into her. she has the means to get some help, but she is very good at doing the sweet little old lady in help act. even the other neighbours i phoned earlier said she is sure she puts it on for our benefit. she doesnt act like a confused, helpless befuddled little old lady in front of the nurses apparently, she keeps telling them she is ok!

anyway, i gently said to her today that her daughter needs to start to think for herself and that i wont be as available when i start my training, so she might like to consider what other help is available. i do feel sorry for her, she is lonely and vulnerable and she is suffering with anxiety and memory problems, and im sure the daughter adds to her issues, but i will have to try and withdraw a bit or im going to spend all my spare time running about after her and she will happily let me!