To think MiL is trying to 'upstage' me?

[Dinkytinky]

It's a bit weird but she's contantly copying me in a weird way.
Suchas-it is FiL bday and he's having a party, last year I started making specialist cakes as a hobby and since always make a special cake for everyones bday/anniversary,FiL doesn't normally like cakes but wolfs mine down.
So, MiL phones last week and said 'don't make one, I've bought him one specially'..

Other examples as well - I bought a new set of crockery, mentioned it to her in passing and then she turns up with a load of crockery that DP told her he didn't like years ago!

I choose new carpet- she brings round old rugs to 'cover them up'

It's like a weird one-up-manship game that she's competing in all by herself.

Is anyone elses MiL do this? Feel like I'm going mad!!!

actually i can sort of see where shes coming from, perhaps

could the crockery have been so you could save your new stuff for best? and the rugs to save your new carpet from dirt and wear and tear, cos that sounds like the sort of things my ILs would do

also the cake thing, probably just her pride/jealousy - SHE wants to be the one to provide FIL his cake, or she doesn't want to put upon you/ask for help

Yep mine she tries to out cook me and then gets a shock when ds says mummy is the best cook.

She also showed me her top she had bought for a wedding and when I showed her my designer strappy cocktail dress took her top back and bought a dress of the same style in the same colour thing is a 50 year old woman looks pretty stupid in a dress a 22 yo would choose.

Don't know really.

But with the carpet, it could be that your DP doesn't like your choice as much as he lets on, and he's said something to MIL?

She might think you are in need of crockery if you are buying stuff.

She might want to help you protect your new carpets.

She might want to provide her own husbands bday cake.

I don't see how she is copying you. She sound like she is a keep it for best type. Does she have stuff covering her sofas (throws/plastic) so it doesn't get warn out?

Oh my god- the outcooking thing! Yep I get that too!

DP chooses all the stuff for the house with me and will happily tell me to eff off if he doesn't like something.
It's a weird situation of never knowing if I should be insulted or flattered or grateful!!

Lol Slushy - all kids say mummy is the best cook, whether she is or not. It's the law

Trust me if you tasted MIl cooking you would know what I mean, Frozen yorkie's frozen veg frozen roasts, instant gravy.

If she is cooking chicken she pours the fat from food over chips ewwwww.

I also don´t think she´s competing-otherwise she would be buying new stuff for herself when you do.

And all the cakes you make-I assume you ask in advance that they are wanted?

You sound weird, she sounds like she is trying to help/be nice?

I can imagine a thread on here about how a DIL makes cakes and is now expected to make fab ones for PIL birthday/wedding anniversary/opening of an envelope and is not even asked!

do you go on about how expensive things are and you can't afford them?

Gosh, my kids always make a point of telling me how much they prefer X's mummy's supper, "it was so much nicer than your mummy!"

OP, maybe she just wanted to provide your FIL's cake? I understand your POV, really I do, but and old friend came to stay round DD3's b'day and I was (secretly) really upset when she asked if she could make her birthday cake; I didn't feel like I could say no, but I really wanted to be the one who made it for her.

Honestly, take it as a very sincere compliment, she obviously admires many of your skills.

I get a bit of this from my MIL too. Even though she knew I was doing DS's birthday cake, she brought him one (fair enough, you might think), but when I (perhaps faux-modestly) said, 'oh I'm sure yours is much nicer than mine', she said, 'well, yes, I admit I do make a rather nice cake - let's eat mine and we can just look at yours...'.

She also meets any comment of my dh's about curtains I've made or suchlike with comments about what she's done, and then loudly finds fault with the ones I've made. Gets a bit wearing since I'm naturally quite deferantial, and she walks all over me!

deferential!

Dinkytinky I don't think that it's her trying to be nice/helpful whatever.

Sounds as though she's not so much copying you as trying to prove that she's still needed by giving you things. Or she just doesn't like your taste and is trying to impose her tastes on you.

It does sound more of a need thing than oneupmanship to me. My ex MIL thought throwing money at things was the way forward such as spending a ridiculous amount on Christmas presents which was really embarassing. I mean who needs silver plated salt and pepper shakers? it seemed that little things like that and insisting that there were specific things that she had to
buy when ex H and I bought our first place/ DS was born etc were her way of showing that she was needed. In reality, practical
support and understanding would have been the things most appreciated.

Never got the point of using rugs to cover a new carpet. If your going to hide it why not just keep the old one and hide that?

I get this all the time from my MIL, your perfectly normal, its OK for those who get on fantastically with their parents in law to accuse you of being unreasonable, mumsnet is a bit of a cowards sniping zone... i will give you an example, if i have specifically told my MIL that i dislike fussy, decorative items, fluffy toys, cutlery that looks like it belongs in the 1800's, clutter, all manner of tat and chicken frigging risoles (whatever the hell they are anyway) - why oh why are these the only gifts i ever get, things foisted on me and my household that are quite clearly going straight in the bin, and, the chicken risoles is the only meal i ever get dished up at hers, when she knows i hate it!!!

It is definitely a control and need thing, they need to feel like they still have a strangle on something to do with their childs life, i would suggest you take the items with a smile, and then bin :O)