..to suggest that self-service checkouts should have a 'silent' mode?

[Chil1234]

"UNEXPECTED ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA. PLEASE REMOVE BEFORE CONTINUING" ... "ARE YOU USING YOUR OWN BAGS?".... "PLEASE TAKE YOUR ITEMS"... "THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT TES-WAIT-MARKS-BURY-SONS"...

All delivered at penetrating volume by someone trying to 'do a Dervla' in slightly pitying tones. "Have you swiped your Nectar Card?" she asks breathily (You sad, forgetful creature, you) And if there are a few people using the self-checkouts at the same time there's a freaky echo effect to boot. "Please place the item in the bag... in the bag... in the bag.... "

I love the concept and I'm sure the voice is jolly handy for the visually impaired or novice self-packer, but couldn't there be a 'silent mode'? Let those of us who can read the screen get on with the blipping & packing in peace?

Unreasonable, moi?

I hate the fucking things and refuse to use them.

DH hates the fucking things too, insists on using them and then getting his hair off when one starts talking to him like a simpleton

Really bingtata?
Why don't they make it more obvious???

Honestly, I do it everytime I use them - in Asda, Tesco, Sainsburys, Boots. It is a little button in the bottom corner and you have to do it before you start, you can't do it halfway through.

I then leave them on mute when I finish, because I like seeing the confused person behind wondering why the damn thing isn't shouting at them.

My mum once told a self service checkout in Sainsburys to 'fuck off'.

Agreed. When I was pregnant it kept trying to weigh my humongous bump which I kept accidentally resting on the scales... Drove me insane with hormonal rage! In the end and assistant came over and did it for me

Has anyone seen Alan Carr taking the piss out of them on his Tooth Fairy DVD about the woman putting a wide screen telly through as button Mushrooms rofl.

for the lightweight things that don't register on the scales, if you give it a tap it usually notices. That's worked for me when buying packets of seeds in B&Q.

I also talk back to it but usually at the end I say "thank you!" and "goodbye". I believe in consumer vs technology karma and I like to keep my machines happy.

YANBU! My local sainsburys & waitrose have self-scanners, which are bloody brilliant; gun type thing that you stick on your trolley or hold as you go round. You scan each item and pack as you go, and at the checkout, you just hand over the scanner. So fantastic, and luckily hardly anyone else does it, so the 'fast track' checkouts have no queues at all.

They try to direct you to them in our local Tesco - I always refuse and insist on being served by a human.

Our local library's got the infernal things now too.

"Unexpected item in bagging area"... "no you moronic robot, that's a bag."

NO YANBU AT ALL!

It reduces me to absolute apopletic rage.

Mind you, has anyone tried 'self service' cheque paying in at the local HSBC?

We have a special experimental HSBC branch near us. The staff stand around directng you to the 'self service' machines but there are only 3 normal people sat behind normal bank teller screens. There is no way a normal human can pay in a normal cheque using a machine.

I breeze past the staff now waving my business cheque demanding to see a real person.

YANBU!!!!

GOML - you are so right. The Morrisons ones are the worst. They may as well rename them masochism machines.
If you make even a slight mistake, you can't continue to scan the items, and you have to wait for a person to come over and fix it. This will happen at least once every three items.

I am the "moronic octogenarian" who operates 7 of these at the Sainsburys I work in.

You'd be amazed at the number of credit cards I get left in the paypoint, the amount of change left "below the scanner" and the number of people who fail to follow the simple instruction "please place item in the bagging area" and stand there with it in their hand looking at the screen. And the amount of people who think they can scan one thing, put another ten straight in the bag and only pay for the one is amazing.

Oh, and I don't stand around gossiping ignoring you...and the loudspeaker is set so that I know when someone is struggling and can help!

My batty mother has complained to Morrissons about the volumne of them. Didn't get anywhere, apparantly "its company policy that they're set that way and I can't change it" was what the manager said.

I did leave £20 cashback in one at Asda the other week so it obviously didn't shout loud enough at me to take the money.

Luckily I'd got forgotten something and came back to the till just to see a store worker taking the money and proved to her from my receipt that it was mine. Well I proved I'd got £20 cashback a minute earlier so she gave it me.

The Co-op have a nicer voice. Sort of more caring and considerate.

'Do you have member dividend card?'

I don't use them on principle.

I think my favourite of all these are actually the ones at B&Q with the world weary, possibly slightly PMTed woman telling you what to do in a tone that implies that she has seen everything and the whole of homo sapiens are morons.

i am also a moronic octogenerian who stands at the end of these things giggling at people struggling with VERY SIMPLE TASKS.

they are buggers the machines, but when it tells you to put your card in and you dont know which way round it goes...or cant even see where it goes despite there being a massive arrowd... give me strength!

oh and yes, there are silencers. either on the screen, or where the scales are you'll see a little sound button, press that and you're ready to go.
i generally just whack each item down as hard as possible so it registers on the scanner.
and when theres one person looking after 6 of the bladdy things, cut us some slack, we have to listen to the noise for hours on end, at least you get to leave...

I always lie when it asks me how many of my own bags i've used. (they don't seem to have worked out yet that 3 items between 9 bags doesn't go.)

Small victories people...