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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist that the pond is covered?

34 replies

greedyguts · 23/07/2010 15:11

Inlaws have a small pond in their garden. The pond is very near the back door and it is usually easy to see where the DCs are and if they are messing around near the pond. It's surrounded by plant pots and the DCs (5 & 2) hardly go near it.

However I am always worried that one of them ends up in it. You can't keep your eye on them all the time etc etc.

They have a heavy wire mesh cover and I always insist that this is over the pond when we're there with the kids. DH usually rolls his eyes and MIL & PIL act like I'm totally paranoid.

Am I? Should I chill out about it?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 23/07/2010 15:13

Just put it over the pond yourself. YANBU

duplotogo · 23/07/2010 15:13

I think YANBU, friend of mine's MIL looks after her DD one day a week, one day the FIL took DD into the garden, was standing about with the toddler and yet the toddler still managed to fall in the pond unnoticed for a minute or so. You are not paranoid.

PrivetDancer · 23/07/2010 15:14

If they've already got a cover then I can't see what on earth the problem is with you insisting it's on!

yanbu

Mowiol · 23/07/2010 15:18

No - there are too many tragic stories of toddlers drowning in garden ponds. We had a pond and when our grandson was born we decided to fill it in and turn it into a veggie patch. Which is what we did!

Original poster
greedyguts · 23/07/2010 15:41

Thanks. The kids are going up there themselves in a few weeks. Just want to feel justified in asking MIL to definitely put it on.

OP posts:
MiladyDeSummer · 23/07/2010 15:46

Do not chill out about it.

Why on earth would your DH and the PIL roll their eyes and dismiss your concerns?

YANBU, they are.

MiladyDeSummer · 23/07/2010 15:48

And on the back of Mowiol's post too, how fecking hard and / or expensive is it to fill in a pond while the DGC are little?

kittens · 23/07/2010 15:49

There are arguments for and against this. We have a pond and when my DD was born I told DH to put a cover over it - he refused!
The reasoning behind it was that if a child grows up with a pond they become pond aware and this will help them in life. If you have a cover - especially the ones they can stand on then they will never learn the danger of ponds until they fall into one. I didn't agree with him. Anyway 7 years on I think he has a point as both my DDs (7 and 3) are very pond aware and won't run towards, lean over or reach into a pond, stream or lake. This is because they have been brought up with a pond and understand the dangers. It is a pain when they are little as I had to go out in the garden when they did, but in the long run I think it is better for them to have this understanding at a young age.

wigglybeezer · 23/07/2010 15:50

There was yet another story about a toddler drowning in a pond in the Dialy Mail the other day, YANBU.

LadyBiscuit · 23/07/2010 15:51

Its not hard or expensive to fill in a pond but I wouldn't do it if I had one for visiting children. However, I would definitely insist on the cover being on. Make them watch Don't Look Now

PrivetDancer · 23/07/2010 15:54

Seems a shame to fill in a pond when a cover will make it perfectly safe.

Think of the frogs!

jesuswhatnext · 23/07/2010 16:01

my parents have a pond and a pool, all dgc are NEVER left alone in the garden - yep, it is inconvievent,(they enjoy having the kids to stay and that is part of caring for them) but thats the way it is! - both my parents think covers can be more dangerous than not having one - my db fell in the pool years ago and went under the cover - had he not been seen falling in he would have drowned.

so, YANBU to say that if they insist on keeping the pond, then the children should never be left outside without supervision.

LimburgseVlaai · 23/07/2010 16:03

My sister went to a garden centre with her children, turned around to see the head of her youngest (then 3yo) disappearing under water of a pond with a low fence around it. Her DD had thought it was a patch of mud (it was quite green and murky water).

Actually, I do agree with the 'pond aware' argument (we don't have a cage around the trampoline for similar reasons) - but in this case the pond is not at the child's home, and children do forget between visits.

Mowiol · 23/07/2010 16:10

"Seems a shame to fill in a pond when a cover will make it perfectly safe.

Think of the frogs!"

We did think of the frogs - which is why we re-homed the frogs together with the fish!
I just couldn't have lived with myself if anything happened to our grandson - our own kids were older when we put the pond in and so were visiting nephews and nieces.

PrivetDancer · 23/07/2010 16:17

You can't rehome frogs, they don't live in ponds, just turn up to breed once a year.

It was a light-hearted comment though, children clearly more important than frogs, but I don't think it's necessary to fill in a pond if you can make them safe with a decent cover / safety grid.

ifancyashandy · 23/07/2010 16:19

YANBU to ask them / gently push them to cover it.

But YABU to insist. Would get my back right up if you insisted anything to me.

MiladyDeSummer · 23/07/2010 16:22

kittens bringing up DC to be "pond aware" is all very well, but don't most children drown in other peoples' ponds?

It doesn't seem very fair to the children who don't have ponds at home and forget between visits, or those who don't have ponds at all.

Oh and fuck the frogs.

ChunkyChick · 23/07/2010 16:25

Pond gets a cover or you don't go round, simple as that. One of my nephews almost drowned in his parents' garden pond while friends of ours had their toddler daughter fall into their pond just a few months ago. It's not worth the risk.

Mowiol · 23/07/2010 16:28

"You can't rehome frogs, they don't live in ponds, just turn up to breed once a year."

That's toads - frogs do live in or around ponds permanently because unlike toads they must keep their skin constantly moist. Toads appear at ponds in spring to spawn then they "hop it". We drained our pond in autumn and found our resident frog which we scooped up with our fish and took to the new home.
Anyway, I digress!!

sapphireblue · 23/07/2010 16:33

agree that ponds are a bloody pain in the a**e. My parents have a big one bang in the middle of their garden and it means constant vigilence when DD is out there.......no relaxing in the sun with a book for me! I would never insist that they cover it though....I would however jump for joy if they suggested it!

Bramshott · 23/07/2010 16:33

It would never occur to me to insist that the DDs GPs get a cover for their pond. I just watch them while we are there (although to be fair, their pond is raised, so it would be difficult to fall into).

But if one already exists, then YANBU to ask (rather than insist) on them using it when your DC are there.

Bramshott · 23/07/2010 16:34

If the DC are going there without you or DH though, then YWNBU to insist that the cover is on.

RuthyandBrendan · 23/07/2010 16:37

No - you're absolutely right!!!! Get the cover out! If it means you can all relax there, and the kids can play - what's the biggy?? There are some things you can be overly worried about but while they're still little this isn't one of them. My grandparents covered their pond when we were kids, and not only that it was ASSUMED they would - you're not being neurotic. Do they roll their eyes when you put the seatbelts on? Same difference ;o)

suecy · 23/07/2010 16:40

According to responses I've received on AIBU my thread about a man walking round with a rifle in the field next to my garden, you should have weighed up the odds, and thought - 'there's only a small chance my kids could fall into that uncovered pond and drown, so I'll go with the odds and take my chances'.

Apparently thinking a small risk could happen to you isn't reasonable behaviour

(I, on the other hand think you are definitely nbu!)

AttilaTheMeerkat · 23/07/2010 16:45

Your DH rolls his eyes?.

YANBU here, your ILs are being unreasonable. This cover should be in use when your children are there.

There have been a number of cases where a child has fallen into a pond unnoticed and drowned.

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