to despair over how my friend is raising her DDs?

[foreverastudent]

My long-standing friend and her 2 DDs (8&11) came to stay with me for a couple of days.

I'd been looking forward to this for a long time as she never normally has enough money for the journey to come visit me.

But it's been a shock to see how the DDs are being raised. It reminds me of the tv programme "honey, we're killing the kids". Both are overweight, the eldest obese. They dont eat any proper food, only junk.

I made them dinner but my friend said to not even bother serving it to the youngest because she wouldn't eat it. She then asked for chocolate and the Mum seemed a bit surprised when I said she'd have to eat a banana first.

The next day they refused cereal then at lunchtime went out and had a deep-fried pizza (with extra salt!), chip-shop cheeseburgers and chips.

This eating pattern isn't just because they are away from home. when I have visited them the DDs are sent to the newsagent to buy sweets, chocolates and crisps for lunch and dinner.

The only 'meal' I've very seen them have was chicken with a jar of curry sauce mixed with double cream.

I'm really worried about the long-term health implications of this lifestyle (they get NO exercise either). They are both spotty, pale and have yellow, rotten and misshapen teeth.

My friend is herself morbidly obese, smokes, drinks a lot, takes no exercise, looks 15 years older than she is and is on anti-depressants so I don't even think she knows what a healthy lifestyle is.

I want to help but think if Imention it she will think I'm criticising her and fall out with me.

How do they get no exercise? Aren't they in school?

It is a shame, but you have to let her get on with it really. Awful for the kids to be obese and she not seeming to care. Serve your own healthy meals and if she chooses them to have junk, let her pay for it.

thats all very very sad but i am not sure what you can do TBH, the school/HV/GP probably already know all this but there is little they can do if she will not take advice on board and make changes

could you offer to teach the DC how to make their own healthier pizza, with lots of veg on, or healthier wedges instead of chips, own fish fingers from cubes of salmon dipped in egg and crumbs and oven baked etc?

how frustrating. don't think you can really do much, but I like the idea of making your own 'healthy junk food' with them.

it made a bit of difference with my DSDs - always served junk food at their mums and as DH is the NRP he has felt pretty powerless to change it. but they help with cooking here and they do eat healthier.

It is upsetting but realistically I don't think you can really do anything. The school will be aware of the problem.

tortoise- I suppose there will be PE at school but it wouldn't surprise me if they have no energy for it and get sick notes.

I mean outside that, they dont do any clubs or go on walks or do any activities at the weekends or during the holidays. They sit around their flat all evenings/weekends.

it sounds like your friend's antidepressants are not really working. Maybe, if she's a really close friend, you could talk to her about that and whether she shoudl be prescribed something stronger or get more/ better aimed counselling. The children's problems are only a symptom

She's only been on them for a short while. She says she does need counselling but the GP just hands out pills.

To be fair to the GP, there is often no counselling available for people to be referred to.

It is such a difficult situation though. I liked the idea of encouraging the children to cook but, if she's not willing or able to change things right now, I'm sadly not sure of anything else you can do. All very sad.