to think DH could have bothered to visit DD's grave on her birthday

[onthisdayinhistory]

On this day...
...in 2000 I brought DS home for the 1st time after 4 months in NICU.
...in 2005 DD was born and died
...in 2006 DD2 came home for the first time after 6 weeks in SCBU.

He could at least have laid some flowers and come home at a decent hour and maybe even chatted to me for a bit instead of watch **ing darts.

And breathe.

I'm blaming him for me eating an entire box of Thorntons chocs.

Could it be his way of dealing with it? Hopefully?

So sorry this is a difficult day for you.

Is this how he deals with it perhaps, by pretending it is just another day?

Does he give you the opportunity to talk about her and remember her together at other times?

He did WHAT !! after everything you've listed!!I am so sorry for all you've been through and especially for the loss of your little girl. I am speechless at your DH tbh.Does he tend to bury his feelings (clutching at straws to find a reason for his appalling behaviour).

Sadly I think you're right. And this (and chocs) is mine! This yar just seems harder somehow, I feel like my bloody heads is exploding.

Can you talk about her to someone else?

Even here if it helps?

Weirdly, I can't talk about her any more - I want to, but people just shy away. I shall express my grief on the bereavment thread, it is really a safe place. But here, wanted to scream about him!

I am in fact being a little unreasonable and I am in a bit of a daze, but I have just remembered that he actually brought the chocs home. Perhaps he know he was going to be a head-in-the-sand arse and thought he'd at least provide me with chocolate for the lonely evening ahead. So cross with him.

Men have a bloody weird way of dealing with things. He may not even mentally mark these anniversaries. Many many men people don't remember birthdays or anniversaries.

That said, he might have realised that you do and been a little more attentive than he sounds he has been. Sorry that you had to go through this emotional day alone.

i am so sorry for your loss, what a mixed emotion for you both to feel.

Thank you duchesse you are spot on. My Dad used to throw money at me whenever I went through trauma, and I fear I have married a man just like that. This week I have had flowers, jewellery and now chocolates (so I know I ABabitU) but not one cuddle .

I can understand him not visiting the grave. But he should have definitely given you some time.
(Did he realise it was the anniversary)?

Oh my gosh, just realised the day is over. Right I am going to cuddle my 2 little miracles and say a prayer for my angel then get to bed to wake up strong again tomorrow.

I know in a few days, all his emotions will fall out and I feel a bit bad as I know he's been bottling it up. It is soo hard. I just hate that lonely trip to the cemetery.

Thank you ladies.

affects us all differently.we have coping strategies.maybe his is avoidance and denial.dont assume he ok.maybe not