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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We are about to go on holiday where there's a 'small pond' in the garden.

28 replies

BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 21:48

...and we have a 3 year old and a 2 year old.

I've only just noticed the pond bit.

Dh doesn't think that we need to be physically looking at the kids all of the time.

I think we will need to for obvious reasons.

Now that I know he thinks what he does, I'm not going to be able to relax at all now am I

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 22/07/2010 21:52

Get some sort of covering, otherwise you will not be able to relax.

ArseHolio · 22/07/2010 21:54

You will need to watch them all the time... so will your DH.

Original poster
BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 21:58

DH honestly thinks it's fine and said 'we tend to know where they are'.

I said 'but we'll have to be actually looking at them and out in the garden with them without letting them wander in and out freely'.

He said we wouldn't.

He just doesn't share the same sense of risk.

e.g. he put our then 18 month old on the other side of the road to wait while he went back to the car to get the 3 year old out and thought nothing of it. I discovered by accident as I wasn't there and he was furious with me for objecting to what he'd done.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 22/07/2010 21:58

You will have to be in the garden with them when they are. But with such little ones I guess you would have to be out there anyway.

snickersnack · 22/07/2010 21:58

We had a holiday home with a "small pond" last year. Honestly, it was absolutely minute. I don't know how deep it was, but it was the size of a tea tray. In a large garden, the children would have had to try spectacularly hard to fall in. Do you know how small "small" really is?

Obviously we kept an eye on them. But I wouldn't leave a 3 and a 2 year old on their own in the garden anyway, I don't think. Not a strange garden, anyway.

moonstorm · 22/07/2010 22:02

Does anyone have a link to the drowning thread in Chat? I can't find it and haven't got time to look at the moment - [rining that off might change his mind...???

moonstorm · 22/07/2010 22:02

printing

teaandcakeplease · 22/07/2010 22:04

My DD was playing at Grandpa's in the spring aged 2.8 and she kept leaning over the pond with a stick to poke the pretend floating ducks, Grandpa was beside her no less. I kept saying from further away you'll fall in (i.e Grandpa please get her away from the pond) and lo and behold she did. She swimmed to the side and we pulled her out. She's still talking about it months and months down the line but hasn't been near the pond since, when visiting that house.

Your H sounds very relaxed, bit too much though YANBU the DCs will need to be watched. No reason you can't at least have a glass of Pimm's to hand though surely

Original poster
BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 22:04

i've read that. He wouldn't read it and just poo poo'd it.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 22:05

I just want to know that if i'm cooking dinner in the shower for example, he's keeping a proper eye on them and not doing his own thing while they're at risk

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 22/07/2010 22:05

You have to treat a pond like a pool and that requires constant adult supervision.

Original poster
BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 22:09

So what do I do? How on earth do I enforce it?

OP posts:
JimmyTarbuck · 22/07/2010 22:09

Your DH sounds like mine - very laid back. My nephew fell into the pond at his grandparents' house despite knowing it was there and being closely supervised. He was OK, thankfully. I would buy a roll of netting from a DIY shop and some sort of fixings and take it with me.
You are entitled to enjoy your holiday. I wouldn't be able to completely relax if something like that was niggling me.

roadkillbunny · 22/07/2010 22:10

My 2 year old ds has fallen into the small pond at the pil's house before while under close supervision so you are NBU in stating that your children will need to be properly supervised at all times in the garden, at the ages they are I would say they should have an adult out with them at all times pond or no pond, home or holiday tbh

teaandcakeplease · 22/07/2010 22:10

I'd really like to see you cook and shower at the same time!

Just kidding

I know what you mean, as I'd want to feel my H was taking my concerns seriously when watching the DCs as well, so nothing terrible happened in my absence.

archstanton · 22/07/2010 22:14

Is your holiday in the UK? By that I really mean are you going by car? If so, can you buy one of those outdoor furniture covers from argos for about £10 and take it with you. Then weight it down with rocks or anything else heavy. It may give you some peace of mind.

at leaving an 18mth old on the other side of the road. Mine would have followed me back across.

NarkyPuffin · 22/07/2010 22:20

Google 'child drowns in garden pond'

withorwithoutyou · 22/07/2010 22:23

I think your DH is being really strange.

I wouldn't trust him generally to look after the children with that attitude.

He left your 18mo alone on the side of the road? In a buggy? Or just standing on a pavement?

Original poster
BrownPaperandString · 22/07/2010 22:26

Just standing on the pavement!

He said that he was fine and knew not to move .

I think he got overwhelmed with how to get 2 small children out of a car and to the other side and did it in what he thought was the most efficient way.

All it would have taken would have been a stranger walking past or a dog (both extremely likely events as it was next to a park!) and DS would have run towards DH crying.

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 22/07/2010 22:27

He sounds like and idiot.

Sorry.

Sn0wflake · 22/07/2010 22:29

To be honest I think I would throw a huge fucking tantrum with my husband and demand he researches this and takes it seriously or pull out of the holiday. You are actually implying he is lax about their safety at other times and so this is something you really have to tackle. Also how patronising is he being to you? Fuck him! He's being a total fuck wit.

faddle · 22/07/2010 22:33

a friend of mine tragically lost her 2 year old son to a pond in grandparents garden. Mum thought he was with grandparents, grandparents thought he was with mum. 15 minutes later they realised and found him.

Dont take your eyes off them, even for a second. And it doesnt matter how deep or small the pond is - a toddler may fall into a small pond with their feet still on the edge and be unable to right themselves. Doesnt take much, you can drown in an inch of water. I know you cant wrap kids up in cotton wool all of the time, but toddlers and water of any kind have a magnetic attraction for each other.
Anyone who leaves an 18 month old child on the opposite side of the road unsupervised has a seriously skewed hazard perception I'm afraid.

sanfairyann · 22/07/2010 22:33

my dh is like that

it will be fine. you will need to make sure you know where the kids are all the time and not rely on your dh - at least that's what I have to do. my dh's just not very alert to danger or arsed about it either tbh.

LauraNorder · 22/07/2010 22:37

My DH looked after a family who lost their 2 year old in a drowning accident. Please don't leave them unattended, he still isn't over it, goodness knows how her family are It was a terrible time.

yellowkiwi · 22/07/2010 22:41

Look into getting a cover or you will never relax. Is your holiday abroad? I'm not a big fan of so many health a safety regs but I've been to couple of holiday places in Europe that were just far too dangerous for kids - open balconies etc. If in UK the owners may do something for you. It just makes it no fun having to watch them all the time.
Your dh sounds like my dad - my mum will not let me leave dc alone with him as she says he was hopeless at keeping an eye on us as kids. Once left me as a toddler on a grass bank by the side of the main road playing while he was in someone's house - mum found out cos she saw me as she went past on the bus!