to think people shouldn't be judgey about things they haven't experienced

[whoneedssleepanyway]

was having a conversation last night with some colleagues about long car journeys and little ones and portable DVD players came up, we have one and it has been a life saver on occasions on long journeys.

my colleauge who has yet to have children piped up "oh there will be none of that with us, it will be I spy all the way".

I resisted saying "good luck with playing I spy for 3 hours with a fractious 3 year old" and kept quiet but it irritated the hell out of me.

it isn't the first time said childless colleague has had an opinion on my child rearing techniques. Grrrr.

Do you know, what, I've suddenly realized that I must have got the wrong children!

Because, although I have been crap at bringing my own up, I could easily tell you all how to bring up yours. Isn't that odd?

my sister said her children would all wear hand made clothes, do lots of crafts and art, never shout or argue and call her mamma. I remind her of that whenever they're tearing chunks out of each other and shouting "muuuuuuuum" over the top of the tv, while wearing their Hannah Montana/HSM/Charlie and Lola tshirts! And she's never done a single days worth of crafty activities!

lol.

I think it's important to have an 'ideal view' of how you want to be as a parent, and to have aspirations. but you also have to realise it'll be hard to live up to it completely!

Pmsl at the thought of playing I Spy for three hours with a three year old! Yes because they really know what letters objects start with! (well some might, if they're particularly talented but mine doesn't!)

It does bug me when childless people say, "oh mine won't do that" blah blah blah.

I must admit that when I was working and childless a colleague and I were talking about children. She said that she'd have loved to SAH and I said that I would probably SAH when I had them. At the time she must have thought "twat!" and replied, "hmmph, if you can afford too!" To be fair I am but it's not all it's cracked up to be!

DVD's for car journeys?? Do other people not gag their kids and throw them in the boot for long journeys then?

My ex boss was very opinionated on childcare, I didnt have children either at the time but even back then I would be a bit
It's a shame but I cant remember any particular gems, but ive had 2 children since then and have managed to successfully block out the majority of my time for with her!

Well tht made sense... What I meant to say was "...successfully block out the majority of my time working with her"

I was always really judgey about dirty children. How could people take their dc's in dirty clothes? I have learnt my lesson now as my dc attract dirt like a magnet. serves me right!

I hated to see children behaving badly. I still hate it. In my own and in others.
Mu judgeyness hasn't changed at ll.
But he does sound naieve.
We all have opinions on things we haven't expereinced. I have never had an affair. But hold strong views that its wrong.

I thought my best friends ds ate limited shit (chicken supernoodles and banana nesquick milkshake, almost exclusively) and promised myself mine wouldn't. mine eat almost everyhting.
but i wasn't judgey. i knew i would shout. i didn't care if kids were dirty. I hated dummies and still do. i knew mine would watch tv.
i wasn't precious then. and am still not.
i wonder why you were all so precious before children ?

i dont think its about being precious, but a mixture of unrealistic view of parenthood and arrogance that that all the other people are jsut doing it wrong and you'd never have that problem. it only goes away if you struggle in that area, the 'i would nevers' can last well into having children if they've never had a fussy eater or a bad sleeper etc.

i said i wouldnt have dummies, but did for a few weeks, and i wouldnt tolerate fussy eating, but sadly my son has other ideas.

Although some things new parents did when I was childless were so bloody annoying I made a mental note not to be like that. Example being people that talked of nothing, nothing, but their baby and never asked one paltry question of us although we had trekked across town to see them. Still think thats pretty crap two children later.

i must admit i do still have opinions on how other people do things since having my two but i now totally appreciate that you sometimes don't have a choice in the matter, e.g. with DD1 i remember being really like, she will never sleep in our bed etc etc, DD2 comes along and sleeps in our bed for the best part of 8 months so we could all get some sleep.

Another classic was a different colleague who was pregnant with her first when I was pregnant with DD2 saying to me "Oh we are going to do Gina Ford, my friend's baby was sleeping through at 8 weeks" it was all i could do not to bust our laughing, her little girl still doesn't sleep through now over a year on!

I had to laugh when friends suggested they had plenty of practise in raising children because they had dogs you know

My friend said she knew exactly what it was like to have children because she had once run her own business for a year! And when I was chatting about returning to work after being a SAHM for 7 years, she said "oh yes, you should get a job seeing as you have been doing nothing for the last 7 years!" It's only because I have known her for over 20 years and know what a loon she can be that I didn't deck her

Despite having raised my DSD since a newborn, people still comment on "Well when you have your OWN baby" and offer stupid advice. Arse to that. She is my own baby, I just didn't grow her. Said stupid advice is from childless people. To which I give the answer my mother gives: "Everyone can cure mad dogs except those that have them."

The DVD in the car is the one thing we haven't succumbed to. It's our smug in-joke. All the other stuff we said we'd NEVER do (dummies, co-sleeping,telly, mcdonalds)...yep we did 'em!!

Btw that's the issue I have with Supernany, Jo Whatsername, she doesn't have her own kids. You can spend all day, every day with children but it's not the same as having your own. I don't mean that loftily, but factually. Your emotions (and frazzled nerves) kinda get in the way!

the paralells between dog training and child-rearing aren't, in actual fact, lost on me.....

though yes childless people do talk crap although so do people who have kids...

I've no objection to the DVD player in the car. I don't object to DD watching a DVD at home, so why does being in the car matter?
Generally we start off a journey chatting, then when we all get bored of each other (by the time we get on the motorway) the DVD player goes on, with sporadic conversation in between. TH#hen it goes off as we approach and talk about the place we are arriving at.
And I thought every family did it this way !!

Yup, proud, my sister was a nanny for years and absolutely brilliant - made Mary Poppins look like a clueless idiot on her first day of work experience. Managed four kids, including baby twins and the eldest who had SN and behavioural problems as if it was not terribly challenging at all. I thought she'd be an extremely competent mother with a beautifully behaved daughter who ate everthing. Wrong!

Took her about 18 months before she cracked and phoned me up to wail 'it's so DIFFERENT with your own child...'

To be fair, we eventually discovered my niece had terrible ear problems so eating had obviously been very uncomfortable. But she's still very, um, challenging for her mother although very sweet indeed with everyone else.

After 10 years of parenting i have finally bought the portable dvd player for very long journeys, it was cheaper than a new car to stop them all fighting for three hours.
Seriously how anyone can play ispy and drive at the same time i don't know, if you're interacting educationally with the children you aren't concentrating on the road IMO.

I was going to learn a second language whilst I was on maternity leave!

To be fair - I did - tellytubby language

I still remember a childless coworker that swore (in a very condescending voice) that when SHE had children there would be no television (especially not used as a babysitter ), no junk food, and they would be polite and well-behaved at all times. Myself and all the other women with children just burst out laughing.

When DD was 6yo, her teacher called me in and commented that DD was quite "active and exciteable" and that she was concerned that she was "acting out because of some trauma at home." She literally told me that because DD was quite energetic that she felt that it was indicative of some type of psychological problem. I actually had to have the GP call the teacher and explain that DD was simply an active healthy child and always had been. The teacher was very young, no children of her own, and spent the whole school year looking for traumas to report in the children.

What is worrying triggles is that there are plenty of teachers like that offering their professional opinion which is believed over the parents