in not wanting to see my MIL again?

[RenfrewMum]

My FIL died a few weeks before my DD was born, and I've always felt it was important for her to know her surviving grandparent. I have been taking DD to visit Grandma since she was a baby (she's now 8), as DH can't stand her and wants little to do with her.
I'm now at the stage where I can't stand her: she's lazy, ignorant, prejudiced, nags and hectors my DD, and gives crap, unimaginative gifts for DD's birthday and Xmas.
I'd be happy not to bother going to see her any more, and DD rarely mentions her: should I just give up, as the relationship isn't doing DD any good?

How far away does she live and is it always you making the effort or does she seem to appreciate the visits and make an effort? I would certainly not make a huge effort to see her if you feel like this but nor would I stop seeing her altogether as would seem a shame if it became obvious?

Not only are you NBU, but I think the efforts you've made over the last 8 years are well above and beyond the call of duty! If the initiative is all on your side and DD doesn't seem bothered, I'd be very tempted to wait and see how long it takes MIL to pick up the phone to you...

hard to say without a bit more info or a few examples. If DD doesn't ask/want to go and see her then YANBU. If DD wants to continue a relationship with her then I guess YABU unless you think the relationship is somehow damaging to her.......

Try not to confuse your relationship with your mil with your dd's relationship with her grandmother iyswim

my paternal gp were unkind to my mum, and my maternal gm flat out hated my dad, but I never heard a hard word from either parent about them, and they encouraged me to have my own relationships with my gp

it is hard, my pils can make me feel a bit nutty to say the least but I do my best to suck it up for my kids' sake

Is she likely to harm your DD in any way? Okay, so she's lazy and prejudiced, but that's hopefully nothing that can't be "undone" or "talked about" (i.e brainwashed out of?!) in the car on the way home?

If its really painful can you just cut back to a couple of times a year?

I dont think the gifts matter TBH.

Selfish.

But then you will probably try and convince yourself (and others on here) that it's in your child's best interests...as Mothers always do when they seek to reduce their children's contact wioth close family...

You are being unreasonable.

If your DD is genuinely not bothered, then why carry on.

MIL must be bad if her own son doesn't want to know her.

You have done all you can in this instance. I wouldn't bother any more.

YANBU. Could well be selfish, but that's not necessarily bad. If she's bothered, she would make the effort.