to be intensely embarrassed

[evansmummy]

that my mum just asked my brother's new girlfriend if the reason why she didn't want a ham sandwich is because she doesn't eat pork?

She's mixed origin Indian/Canadian, we've literally just met her, my mum asked if they wanted something to eat, ham, chicken something, the gf said no, thanks, and my mum said is that cos you don't eat pork?

I really am embarrassed that she would ask that question, presuming that because she is Indian she would be muslim and hence not eat pork. So AIBU to be embarrassed? Should I just get over it?

Better to ask than to totally ignore anyone's possible dietary requirements. She was being polite rather than deliberately offensive.

Would you have been embarressed if she asked if she was vegetarian or had a gluten intolerance? It's just dietry requirements isn't it?

YABU to be embarassed. Your mum probably has no idea what an Indian Canadian eats (I certainly don't) and equally has no idea what religion she might be or if she's vegetarian etc. Pork is off the menu in a lot of parts of the world... it's not an unreasonable thing to ask.

No, ok, fair enough. But it was the assumption part that embarrassed me, not the asking about dietary requirements. I know she wasn't being offensive though.

Am getting over it

My MIL spent years trying to convince SIL's ex (half Muslim, half Jewish!) that he could have bacon and sausage for breakfast, as they aren't pork. In her opinion pork is chop or fillet.

Wasn't there that lovely line in The Royle Family when Nana was introduced to a vegetarian and asked 'Does she eat wafer thin ham Barbara?'

I would assume if she was Indian she wouldnt eat beef (like Indian friends). A wide brushstroke is that if the was Pakistani, she would be more likely to be muslim.

I wouldn't be embarassed. I suppose she was asking in case she made something later that was inapropriate. Like a quiche lorraine. Yuk.

I don't see how she can find out without asking.

YABU - better that your mum asked rather than just served somthing imo.

wahwahwah - more of a poster brush stroke ;)

I dont think its is offensive at all, could save huge embarassment at a later date, my husband doesnt eat beef, at all, for no real reason for example

And many indian sikhs eat neither pork nor beef so is quite possibly a sensible question

My mother would have little idea what different religions might or might not eat, but would be vaguely aware there are differences and would be "intensely embarrassed" as you put it if she served something inappropriate to someone. A big part of the way she makes someone welcome is by feeding them until they burst. (My BIL caused much anguish at first by just not liking anything beyond plain meat and boiled potatoes.)

I think you're allowed a little wincing at how it came out but to be "intensely embarrassed" is unreasonable.

i think it was fine what your mum said. she would have to be quite over sensitive to be offended by that

OP YABU, but don't worry, it is normal to be way more embarrassed by your parents than anyone else is.

Get a grip! Its not an assumption if you're asking is it? What would you have liked her to say?

It's not like she was being rude.

Rodent, true, dh wasn't embarrassed. I prob just was cos she's my mum! You people are way more sensible than me, anyway!