to resent my DH's job and his boss?

[JustShaggingForNow]

This week we have yet to eat a meal together and have spent the grand total of 3 waking hours together so far this week.

His boss has told him a few weeks ago that there are 24 hours in the day - 8 for sleeping and the rest is for working. He also told him that as his wife I should be supportive and grateful for the salary and not complain about not seeing him.

I try very hard to not make him feel bad about all the late nights (which he also hates but doesn't want to loose his job, which he would be likely to do if he didn;t put in the long hours) but we've only been married for 10 months and this isn't what I expected from my first year of marriage!!!

When did a 65 hour working week become the norm??

You have my every sympathy.

My dh works 12 hour days (2am-2pm or midday to midnight) for 12 days in a row ie. including weekends followed by just 2 days off. So we only spend 4 days per month together.

It sucks. He's also had threats from his boss about needing to put in more hours.

Grrrr - why on earth do these men not understand the importance of family in making men happy in the work place??? What kind of man is happy not seing his wife and what boss thinks that this will lead to a productive worforce?!?!?

I kind of know where you're coming from. My DH is a chef and works long hours too, which I didn't mind too much until we had a baby - now 7 months old. As I've gone back to work full time and we can't afford full time childcare - nor would I really want her to go to someone outside of the family for so long - DH has fixed his previously flexible days off to two weekdays when he has DD. This means of course that unless he's booked holiday he never has a weekend off. I on the other hand am always home at the weekend. It has also resulted in manic weekdays with DH arriving home from work at 11:30pm and having to be up again at 7am as I leave for work fairly early and he gets DD ready for the childminder and drops her off. I pick her up after work and do the evening shift

There are two things basically which make it all worthwhile. Firstly, DD gets to spend two full days a week with her daddy and she is now as happy spending time with him as with me - I think this is the biggest plus point for us. Secondly, as I'm a teacher we can see each other in the holidays to make up for the manic term times.

If the situation can't be changed then it might be worth looking at what you do gain from it and trying to focus on that until it gets to September and he's finished the probationary period. Then you can both sit down and discuss whether things need to change or whether there are ways around the hours.

i usd to work in retail which is pretty hours-intensive - it did suck, and i was a stranger to the people i lived with (though didn't have kids then) - i really reret staying as long as i did because it was dead time - i made no new friends, didn't do anything memorable outside work (soooo tired) and had a severe car crash on the way home (one of those miraculous 'escaped with cuts and bruises' ones where the car was utterly totalled)

so i think, unless your DH is happy doing this, form the exit strategy - yu're a long time dead and no one regrets the time spnt with their little kids

My DH is a chef too.
14 hours a day, 5/6 days a week, although he does have the odd split-shift, and as he has a weekday off, it's not so busy when we go anywhere.

It's rotten.
I was working 12 hour days on his days off too, before mat-leave, so we never saw each other.

It really puts a strain on the relationship. Lord knows how we managed to concieve 3 children.

Is there any chancethings will ease off, OP?
Is your DH part of a union?

I am the (female) main breadwinner and have exactly the same problem with my boss, who owns the company and is single and just doesn't get that what he calls the "second parent" also needs some time with kiddies and that the stay at home parent needs some adult company in the house occaisionally.

It was when my second child was born and I realised I was less tired at home with a newborn and a 2 year old and hubby working away on a short term contract than I was at work that I knew something was badly wrong!!

I reccommend that your hubby looks for a new job asap and you do your best to be supportive in the meantime - if he's anything like me, he really wants to be at home and feels torn between breadwinning and being a member of the family.

I agree that long hours are the norm nowadays, but that doesn't make it right. People aren't productive when they are knackered.

Biological clocks and rising housing costs mean that people have to have kids at a time when they have to earn as much as they can and it puts pressure on all round. Not good for the kids, the business they work for or their long term health.

My DH leaves at around 7 in the morning and gets home at around 9.30 at night. He works when he gets home too and often at the weekend. He is a London solicitor. I think it's a pain, but normal iykwim. There are compensations, but I do miss him - the job culture in many firms is not family friendly.