to think when people say they will be there for me

[Ladyanonymous]

they are actually talking out of their arse?

Has anyone else embarked on really tough times either unexpected or by choice (ish) and had loads of friends say they'll be there to just find that inherrantly humans are really really fucking selfish and fell a teeny bit let down?

AIBU does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

I think a lot of the time people don't know how to be there for you when you're going through stuff. I remember when I told everyone I was ill, initially I was bombarded by "Oh you poor thing, thinking of you, am always here" etc, and then hardly any of them stayed in touch / offered to help, because they didn't know how.

Want to talk about whats going on?

I had a friend who MC. I said "i'm here for you" etc. She never asked but if she had I'd have dropped everything to make sure she was ok.

Put down that large brush of tar before you annoy people.

I think yab(a bit)u. Yes, we are all a bit selfish (if it is selfish to manage jobs, children, life etc. and then a bit of time for friends). TBH, when we are down, we often (selfishly??) expect people to know exactly what we want and need and to come running. It doesn't always work that way, sometimes they need a little push.
OP give your friends a push, phone them and tell them you need them. If they're still crap after that then f**k em off!!

I think the problem is that people expect you to ask them for help, rather than paying enough attention to notice you might need it.

(un-MN hugs)

I think people mean well... and I think most of them would do something if you actually asked them to, but often you just want people to do it without having to ask and feeling like you are imposing....

I also agree that often people just don't know what to do, how to help and don't want to impose on you or upset you...

I also think that until you have been through the same thing, you really don't have any idea of what the person is going through and even when you have been through it what you needed and what someone else needs can be two completely different things....

It's hard...

Altinkum - I hope it goes well for your DS tomorrow, will you come back on here and let me know, please.

Do you want to talk about it??

Lady I helped out someone for a YEAR by taking her DS every week for an afternoon, at no recompense to me, or reciprocal babysitting, simply because she had absolutely no help/no family after her second-born arrived and I had only one DC at that stage and thus had the bandwidth to help her out. I know this is tooting my own horn, but I do think that that was above and beyond what we can expect our friends to do for us... So, yes, I do think YABU as people genuinely will put themselves out for others!

How do people know in which way you want them to be there for you if you don't tell them?

Altinkum, I know it's a bit pointless to say this on this thread but I've been wondering how things went last Monday, what happened? Have been talking to you on the meetup thread - please come and update us there if you get the chance.
Hope it goes well today. Again, I see the irony but please let me know if I can do anything - Kate Fallon 44 @ hot mail dot com. I am around today and tomorrow.

i do agree to an extent, think it tends to divide friends - those who do and those who dont. And i found they weren't necessarily the way round i expected iykwim. That is my experience at least.