Can I just back off from PIL?

[Madinitials]

Had a bit of a problem with PIL wanting/expecting to see us every weekend since we had DD (now nearly 11 months) but this has been resolved.

However, FIL has always been a bit rude and patronising towards me which I let slide until DD was born and I became a bit more sensitive/bolshie/bad-arse. Anyway, things have been getting worse with him talking over me, being snidey about the way I deal with DD, and really stupid things like not giving her to me for nappy changes or when she cries. It was the last straw for me when he came over to our house and totally blanked me. I now rarely accompany DH over to their house when he takes DD to visit them. MIL noticed there was a problem and came over to ours for a chat - she thought DH and I were splitting up!! She was surprised when I told her how I felt about FIL as DH insisted I do(and even said that FIL would be "astonished"), and now her & DH want me and FIL to sit down and chat about it to clear the air.

Thing is, I don't want to chat with FIL because too much water had passed under the bridge and I find his behaviour unforgiveable. I really don't want to hear his insincere apologies, if he has any. I am happy for DH to take DD to theirs and only join them for special occasions when I shall be civil to FIL.

AIBU or even childish?

He's been a bit of a tit how's that unforgivable?

Now being a rapist or child molester that's unforgivable.

Maybe juat accept he's a tit and move on. His relationship with his granddaughter is what should be important not whether or not you like the man, who is clearly an ignorant tit.

I think confront him as he says something-easier said than done, I know.

How old is your daughter?

I don´t especially like or get on with my ILs, but tbh, when my children were little, there was no way I would let the ILs have the satisfaction of seeing the children without me-which was exactly what they wanted.

Flipping heck Miggsie, do you personally know my FIL? Everything you said is spot-on. He is used to everyone (except BIL who stood up to him) doing as he tells them. I know he hates that I have a mind of my own (he couldn't get around the fact that I went out on my own and bought our family car without DH's input - DH knows that I can make a decision on my own). He is head of their household in a very old school type of way and I have a feeling he thinks he is head of mine too by proxy since I am married to his son.

ChippingIn - I think that MIL and DH talking to FIL about it negates the need for me to have the talk but DH still thinks I still need to discuss with FIL. I'll have to put him straight when he gets home.

Thanks for listening and all your replies, I feel a little more relaxed & my head has stopped spinning.

YABVU and childish not to even take them up on the offer of a resolution. He may have initially been in the wrong but you will be the one looking bad if you wouldn't even try.

You owe it to your OH to try and at least sort this out. In the end OH will always back you but you will be denying him a proper family relationship with is parents if you have not even tried to resolve this. I have a MIL who is a complete cow and I know OH is very saddened that he cannot have a relationship with her because she hurts me. She wouldn't even dream of resolving any issues so the fact that they want to do this is a step in the right direction.

If he continues you need to stop him in his tracts rather than just avoiding him.

Meant to add that just because OH can still see his parents the relationship is not normal if he only sees them on his own and not with you.