AIBU to think I deserve to spend more time with my children?

[zoelikesjam]

Fairly new here so go easy on me. I won't go into mega detail as i'm tired right now! However outlined...

Custody battle in place. Ex relationship with dad was DV which is why i left.
He has never physically hurt the children(not going into their mental state right now as courts dont seem to GAF)
The children have witnessed two incidents, once when the eldest was 13 months, and the other last year at the ages of 2 and 3 years.

Without goung into to much dribble, the CAFCASS officer has recomended Three weekends out of four, plus one evening a week....This would mean i would spend 12 weekends a year with my children.
They go to full time school so week time is rediculously limited.

Personally, I think this is terribly unfair as i'm the one who has brought the children up, gave birth to them, carried them and looked after their every need since birth. And now my quality time with them is in danger?

I am contesting this and not looking forward to the trial, but just curious what people think is fair? x

i think going for every other weekend sounds reasobale and fair.

if he was a good Dad, and it was a normal divorce I'd say YABU

given the issues, YANBU

do you work?

Wow... he can't come within so many feet of you. So how do you handover/takeover?

No advice really. Just mind boggled. I would have thought police reports etc would account for something...

Thanks Cestlavielife...Thats what im going to go for first and foremost..
The three options we are going to offer are

1.Every other weekend with an evening visit in the week he doesnt have them. As i've mentioned before he cant/wont/isnt allowed(caffcass) to have them over night in the week as he lives 40 mins away and is a lazy barstewered and wont get them to school

1. If he wants to see them every weekend like he's insisting then fine...but he has them either friday-sat 5pm-5pm so i get the evening and whole day on sunday, OR sat to sun 5-5pm again, and again i get friday evening and all day Saturday.

1. This is the most complicated however i think it would work-

working on every four weekends, weekend one-all weekend him weekends two and three-with me friday to say 5pm, him 5-5pm sat sun weekend four-with myself all weekend

What do you all think of that?
Are they ressonable?

Thankyou Porcamiseria, I am gratful for the YANBU however, even if he wasnt a thug surely it should be equally split? When i worked out the hours it was

Dad-192hours a month
Mum-76 hours a month....

Thats counting the mins i spend with the children in the morning getting ready for school, in the evening spending doing homework, cooking their dinner, ironing clothes for school, bathing them and getting them to bed.
Unfortunatly i dont get to spoend 20 mins morning and afternoon with them on the school run, as the childminder takes them to and from school.
Why do you ask if i work?just curious!
I don't no. Husband does, and he suports us, pays all the childrens sch dinners, extra curic activities(swimming dancing, gymnastics, rainbows, scouts) pays for all their shoes, clothes, school trips etc. Not that he begrudges this at all! But he does more than dad....I can;t work, as much as i'd love to go back to my job(i'm a vet nurse)however i've a problem with my knees hips and back(making me disabled but im still not aue fait with that lable!) and i'm on sticks/in a wheelchair and on serious painkillers every day so we have to pay childminders/nursery etc outside help.

Sweetgrapes husband and ex's gf do the hand over, they meet at a local neutral place and hand over.
Police reports and hospital reports mean squat for us it seems....he's done his time, had 'councilling' and thats enough....

Aparently!

I agree, zoelikesjam- this is a poor arrangement.

The alternatives you have offered sound better- hope you have luck with one of those.

Sorry you are having to go through this

Well clearly 3 out of 4 weekends is unfair, can he not have them during the week to share the load of the grunt work otherwise as you rightly say it's funtime daddy and you get to do all the bum wiping and shoe cleaning hardly what you signed up for when you dreamed of being a mum.

Oh no mamatomany i did sign up for that though, i signed up for everything....
The bum wiping, the shoe cleaning and the paying for ex criciu acts.....plus the fun time, swimming, painting playing gasmes...yelling at them for misbehaving...etc!!!!!

prosecco sure as heck hope so!!!