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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent the 'just you wait til.... ' comments from people

35 replies

TheFruitWhisperer · 21/07/2010 14:25

'Just you wait till labour'
'Just you wait till hes a toddler'
'Just you wait till hes a teenager'
'Just you wait till -insert normal developmental stage here-'
(Always accompanied by a 'she'll learn' look)

The way people talk, you'd think I should be preparing myself for a lifetime of hardship, coming in stages that are each worse than the last? Im 21 weeks now and accept I dont know everything, but does that mean that these 'advisors' do know everything then?

Alot of them havent had children. (I know they are probably looking for something to say, but 'Arent you blooming!' or similar would be way better in my view)

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 21/07/2010 14:28

It is just a way of minimising any worries you may have expressed at the current stage. It means nothing really.
Congratulations

Original poster
TheFruitWhisperer · 21/07/2010 14:28

Sorry, this just came off the back of me saying I was going to go with the flow during labour and try not to panic or punch anyone, in an open plan office...

OP posts:
RedArsedBaboon · 21/07/2010 14:29

But you are preparing yourself for a lifetime of hardship in stages, each worse than the last

Chil1234 · 21/07/2010 14:30

Come on ... people are people. The small-minded ones like pointing out deficiencies & passing on their superior wisdom given half a chance. Pregnancy seems to give everyone carte blanche to make comments and give advice, I found. Only other comparable experience I had was when I went on a diet. Everyone knows the best way to lose weight, what food to eat, what barking mad potion to take, where you're going wrong.... especially really fat people eating donuts....

zipzap · 21/07/2010 14:31

My dad used to reckon the first 51 years were the worst

I was just having visions of you in labour sailing around your open plan office, sorry after your second post OP

OrmRenewed · 21/07/2010 14:31

Hmmm

Just you wait.....

Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:31

This annoys me too. I find it somewhat dismissive of my problems, which seem very real to me at the time I have them! As if they are saying 'oh, you think you have problems now? They are nothing compared to blahblah'. Maybe I misunderstand, not sure.

Just remind yourself that at one time they were exactly where you are now, with similar problems and concerns.

Congrats from me, too. Enjoy it all the way

RedArsedBaboon · 21/07/2010 14:32

pmsl at the fat people eating donut advisors!

ShirleyKnot · 21/07/2010 14:35

Are you having your baby in an open plan office?

Hmm, you might want to re-think that.

cory · 21/07/2010 14:36

Just you wait till you hold your own real baby in your arms.

Just you wait till he learns to smile at you.

Just you wait till he tells you he loves you.

Just you wait till he is old enough to bring you tea in bed.

Jasonthunderpants · 21/07/2010 14:37

just you wait until the sun expands into a huge gas giant and the sea's boil and we all burn to a crisp

2blessed2bstressed · 21/07/2010 14:38

Totally understand, and YANBU, but......I've said to friends more than once - that labour and the birth is not the be all and end all, as some antenateal classes and midwives would have you believe. It's normally one day (unless you are unlucky) out of your whole life, which is now going to change out of all recognition - not necessarily for the worse, but it's def gonna change forever! I do agree though, as mine approach secondary school and the teenage years, that the prophets of doom banging on about exams and underage drinking make me feel my perfectly legitimate worries for now about choosing a school are somehow not valid. grr

Southwestwhippet · 21/07/2010 15:24

People do love to be prophets of doom, it seems to be very unfashionable to talk about the wonderful bits of having children, but only to exband endlessly on the trials and stresses. Its rubbish and I think for a lot of people it can impact very negatively on their pregnancy and birth experience. I know people have to be 'prepared' for it not to be perfect but I think most people aren't that naive anyway.

Here is my experience

My DD is 5 months.
It is the best best best.
I had a fabulous birth experience
Despite a history of depression, I did not fall into a sea of emotional despondancy, terror and horror in the first two weeks. In fact, I loved having a tiny newborn.
Maybe I am naive but so far every stage has had its good and bad points.

Pregnancy in the pits though - shouldn't be allowed for women to go through that.

Habbibu · 21/07/2010 15:27

Cory's right. It's fab. But agree that you might end up punching someone of you choose office over hospital/home. And where will they get all the towels and boiling water from?

anyabanya · 21/07/2010 15:30

Personally, I think going with the flow during labour and not having any fixed idea as to how it will go, or how you will react, or what pain relief you may or may not relief is a bloody good idea. And the best way to approach it really. IMHO Sounds like you have it well sorted.

And yes, I hate the 'just you wait' crap too.

anyabanya · 21/07/2010 15:32

ahem.... 'may or may not require' was the sentence I was after.

Chil1234 · 21/07/2010 15:32

Just wait until your baby is about two and some innocent creature walks into your office all bloomingly pregnant and winsomely talking about natural birth plans and nursery colour schemes and you find you can't help yourself ..... but say 'You just wait!!!!'

cory · 21/07/2010 15:35

I waited...and it was worth waiting for

just now I am waiting for my 10yo to come home from school

I am feeling a bit off colour today so he can run down and get me something comforting from the corner shop

then if I wait a bit longer the 13yo will come home from her Shakespeare audition and tell me all about that

and if I wait yet a while, we will all sit down to dinner and have a chat and a laugh about the day

waiting's good....

waitingforbedtime · 21/07/2010 15:35

Yes, or wait until someone says theyre tired when you havent slept for 3years 3 nights.....I bet you cant hold yourself back!

MrsC2010 · 21/07/2010 15:35

Haha, at nearly 39 wks I get lots of sucking through teeth and grimacing accompanied by 'oooooh, nearly there then...good luck!' In a 'ouch, rather you than me kind of way'! I don't really care by now to be honest, am just quite ready to have this baby now!

ReasonableDoubt · 21/07/2010 15:37

It's really tempting to use this phrase, though, when you've been through different stages, multiple times

I do resist, though, honest!

ampere · 21/07/2010 15:38

YANBU- unless you're one of those 'Having a baby isn't going to change a thing in MY life, I can assure you' merchants!

The implication of that type of the remark coming from the pregnant but as-yet childless is ' You're doing it all wrong/ I'm not going to fall into all the traps you did'.

THAT sort of talk can elicit the 'Just you wait...' retorts!

Undinelly · 21/07/2010 15:39

I agree, it is soooo annoying, but the best thing you can do is smile to yourself, because you will be just fine. It is all in your attitude and being chilled at any stage. My labour was just fine, I kept waiting for something worse to come - it didnt. Baby slept and ate - it was fine. Toddler now - he is just fine. You know, sometimes those remarks help - you keep expecting a nightmare and you are pleasantly surprised when it doesn't come

Francagoestohollywood · 21/07/2010 15:45

Awwww, at last I "see" someone who'd love to hear "aren't you blooming"! There have been threads of people moaning about such comments!

Personally, I loved it when people told me I was blooming! (Mind you, I also liked to hear labour stories...)

Congratulations on your pg, OP

ReasonableDoubt · 21/07/2010 16:00

I loved 'arent you blooming?', too. And 'you are glowing' and all that shit. I knew I had greasy hair and looked like a milking cow, but it was nice that people cared enough to lie