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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask DH to take the day off tomorrow?

21 replies

Komodia · 20/07/2010 09:45

I am having loop excision on CIN II cervical changes this afternoon at 4pm.

I have been told by the hospital to rest for the rest of the day, and then take it easy for a few days with no heavy lifting, swimming, etc.

I have a very active (and also heavy!) toddler, and I feel that I will be unable to rest or avoid heavy lifting tomorrow if I am at home alone with him. I don't have anyone else that I can ask to help me out so as soon as I knew my appointment date, I asked DH if he would have the following day off. He said at the time to just wait and see how I got on.

I mentioned to him last night that I was worrying about how I would manage with DS, as he does require some lifting/restraining, and he said that he can't have a day off because he has used up all his holiday.

I'm a bit annoyed because I vividly remember saying to him to make sure he left a day aside for the day after the procedure (have known for about a year that I might need this done).

Also, he said that I was over exaggerating the procedure, and that it was just like getting a mole removed, so I wouldn't need his help anyway!

I could probably muddle by, but I just don't want to risk the scab coming off, or delay the healing process.

Or should I just try and manage on my own?

OP posts:

Hassled · 20/07/2010 09:49

No, you should not try to manage on your own - and why the hell should you have to? If he has no AL left, he needs to ask for a day's compassionate or unpaid leave/throw himself on the mercy of his boss/find someone who can spend the day helping you out. I'm amazed you're only a "bit" annoyed - I'd be livid. He should be supporting you.

Good luck - hope the procedure isn't too hideous .

porcamiseria · 20/07/2010 09:51

NO NO NO, I had this done and it will knock the stuffing out of you . are you having local or general? either way, I was knocked out by this and there is no way he should go to work. tell him that you checked online and as this is minor surgery you must rest the next day

meandollie · 20/07/2010 09:57

YANBU!!!! Please don't try to cope on your own! Tell him you're having an operation and you need him to help you out for a couple of days. I don't think there's anything else you should need to say to get him to support you. Men! for you.

Good luck with the op and be sure to make him feel guilty - milk it!

mummytime · 20/07/2010 10:00

If necessary will your doctor, or GP talk to him?

Original poster

Komodia · 20/07/2010 10:04

Thank you all - I thought I was being really unreasonable for feeling so angry about this!

He said he wants to speak to the gynae about it - tbh I do feel really upset that he didn't just want to do this for me.

Last night he was rolling his eyes, and getting angry with me, because he said I was blowing it all out of proportion. You know that feeling when someone goes on at you so much that you start to doubt yourself?

I just wanted to lamp him one!

OP posts:

sunnydelight · 20/07/2010 10:16

Can I lamp him for you - what a wanker. It's horrible that he doens't want to help, but if a conversation with the gynae is what it takes I guess it's better to at least get the result you need. Next time he has man flu drag him out of bed by the balls and let your toddler jump all over him!

ChippingIn · 20/07/2010 10:35

What an utter twat...

I would tell him to take a few days off - he's going to need it to find somewhere else to live.

Inconsiderate, selfish, nasty, self important git... what's to talk to the gynae about it - why, does he think you're making it up??? WFT

How do you live with such a nice guy

trixie123 · 20/07/2010 10:41

Is it not the case that you are allowed a number of days per year as "parental leave"? they are unpaid but would mean he could take the time off

GeekOfTheWeek · 20/07/2010 10:41

What sunnyd and chippin in said.

Real catch you've got there

minipie · 20/07/2010 10:44

YANBU at all.

I suspect that he forgot about keeping a day back, has now used all his holiday, and is blustering at you because he feels guilty.

I'm not really sure what he can do though if he's used all his leave. Seem to recall there are rights to take unpaid leave for emergency childcare? (I know it's not exactly emergency but similar).

HowAnnoying · 20/07/2010 10:52

Your DH should read up on it if he thinks it like having a mole removed, but TBH I don't see a problem with looking after your DS alone the next day. I've had it done twice and was fine the next day, and I was looking after my DCs they were 2.4 and 0.4 and then again 2.11 and 0.11 (had to have it done again 6 months later cos they "missed a bit")

LittleSilver · 20/07/2010 14:17

YA so NBU.

I've had this three times. The first time (pre-children) I thought it would be like removing a mole. Boy was I wrong. Your DH needs to read this thread and grow a bit of sympathy and support for his DW.

What a shoddy attitude.

rupert22 · 20/07/2010 14:22

My friend has recently had this and was thanking god he ds was at school.I picked him up and took him home, she was really flat out after it.

Not impressed with your dh. How would he like a roasting hot probe in his penis burning tissue off?

Jamieandhismagictorch · 20/07/2010 14:28

Is he often like this (not taking your feelings and worries seriously)? Hope not.

Good luck today

Original poster

Komodia · 20/07/2010 18:28

Thanks all.

Well I didn't end up having it done as I was very nervous and just couldn't really relax enough for him to get the speculum in properly. It really hurt when he opened it up a bit too so it was just impossible.

I am having it done under GA at the end of August. I suppose at least he will be able to do it properly that way without having to stop every few minutes to get me to relax.

Re DH - well I do feel that he often puts me second, but I never know if it is me being unreasonable or not.

Even after speaking to him about all this, he was still planning to go into work for a meeting for 3 hours tomorrow. (Though he did say he would get his mum to come over, but she is quite elderly and not really able to lift DS either!)

I think it's just that he is a very "soldier on" type person and expects everyone else to be like that too ie he went back to work 2 days after a hernia op when he was told to take a week to 2 weeks off .

OP posts:

LittleSilver · 20/07/2010 19:06

You poor thing OP. FWIW, I'd choose to have it done under GA any day. Hope all goes well for you.

Original poster

Komodia · 20/07/2010 21:03

Little Silver have you had it done under local and general? You poor thing having it done three times .

OP posts:

smokinaces · 20/07/2010 21:12

Komodia, I had it done under GA because I struggled with the whole smears and cameras to diagnose it all in the first place. I was knocked out for 2 days - I was living alone with no kids and went back to my mums for the weekend to recover. I went back to work on the Monday (had it on the Thursday) and ended up in hospital with exhaustion (travelled as a marketing rep) 3 days later 200 miles away from home.

So all in all, you need a couple of days break to recover. Any chance you could ask for it to be scheduled at the end of the week so you at least have the weekend too?

Original poster

Komodia · 20/07/2010 21:26

Thanks for that advice smokinaces. Luckily it is scheduled for a Friday afternoon so hopefully I should be ok by the Monday. If not, I will be asking DH to have the day off and he will say yes!

OP posts:

smokinaces · 20/07/2010 21:36

Good luck,and a Friday afternoon sounds like it will work out well - just make sure you have either the freezer stocked up or lots of takeaway menus!!

LittleSilver · 21/07/2010 19:52

No, OP, under LA all 3 times because they didn't offer GA for it where I lived then. HOWEVER, it is done routinely under GA where I live now and even if it wasn't I'd be requesting it. Bets of luck to you.

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