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Just found a thread on another website slagging me off

38 replies

Fleeingfromanotherforum · 19/07/2010 23:55

Namechanger.

Long story cut short- I was terribly bullied (to the point where I was mentally ill and too upset to leave the house, eventually ended up moving across the country for other reasons but the bullying was a factor) on a local forum made up of all our friends and aquaintances in the twon where we used to live.

The forum people were friends with DPs ex, and so when we got together (after they had split up, btw) I got the traditional "blame the new girlfriend" thing, and basically got every aspect of my life, including my children, insulted by people who I had previously counted as friends. For some reason I stayed on there and it died down a bit once they could see we were serious, but with odd flares when I was so disgusting as to mention we were having another baby or whatever.

Anyway, DP is quite offensive on there, but it is one of those forums where there is a lot of offensive jokes and so on, as well as long running jokes (eg one moderator is into guns and military stuff so it is the joke that he is a nazi, another tends to sleep with much younger women, so jokes are made about that- most regulars have know each other for 15 or so years so they know that is the way the thing operates). I never thought much of all that and stayed well out of it but as soon as me and DP got together I became fair game somehow.

Anyway, about a year or so ago, I was chatting to a friend on there about the difference between birth here and in the USA and got attacked for being disgusting (I really wasn't- it wouldn't have even merited a TMI on here, and anyway this forum is full of much more disgusting, yet male orinted stuff) and DP jumoed to my defense, using one of the running jokes that one of the people who had attacked me (and in fact was one of the main bullies previously) is quite a bit older than the rest of the forum.

This led to a complete life ban for DP (this being a forum where linking to porn, talking about illegal drugs, personal threats etc get a user maybe two weeks ban) and lots of people turning on me, with really very personal insults about my children, mental health and so on. (this was also a couple of weeks after DPs brother died)

So, DP was out of order, but it was normal for that forum and no action was taken about the attacks on me, which were far worse and more sustained. I left the forum as well, and hadn't given it a thought for months.

Until tonight, when DP made a throwaway comment that he has been unbanned and posted the other night when drunk.

Sigh. He has gone on and told them all exactly what he thinks of them. Which isn't very good. They have then replied talking about his "bastard children" and about really personal details of our sex life that we had told our friends, things that I did when I was mentally ill and so on. As usual, the things they are saying about DP are general (jokes about where in the country he comes from, that he drinks too much, references to fairly public and minor things that he has done) and the things they are saying about me and the kids are much more personal.

Why oh why did I even go on there? I know DP is out of order for going back there, but I can see how tempting it was. If they had just argued back at him, that would be fine-he dealt it out, he can take it. Why is it somehow ok to attack me though? I have NEVER gone on there and called anyone anything, I am just trying to get on with my life. Apparently going out with someone who is a minor local celebrity is enough to make my mental health, sexual preferences and children fair game in the town where my family live.

My heart is beating ten to the dozen, but there is nothing I can do without provoking them, so I have come on here to vent.

RAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR

Bloody internet. if they were slagging me off in private, I wouldn't even know.

my mental health issues had a paranoid element, thsi really does not help.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 20/07/2010 08:23

the best ting you and your DH can do is ignore it, stop going on there and just get on with your life.

proudnsad · 20/07/2010 09:06

You all sound like an absolutely horrible bunch.

Chil1234 · 20/07/2010 09:15

You can only be bullied by internet forums if you read what's written. It's the equivalent of graffiti on a lavatory door... only offensive if you bother to seek it out. Lose the link to the website, engage with real people in real life, find something absorbing to do with your time.

LisaD1 · 20/07/2010 09:21

Why are you on what sounds like such an awful forum? Why are you "friends" with such awful people? Why is your DP discussing intimate details of your sex life with such people who then use the details to ridicule you/him? Why have you got a bridesmaid who clearly doesn't even like your DP?

Seriously? Sack the bridesmaid, log off permanently from the forum, tell you DP to keep your lives/sex lives private and find some real friends.

BythewayItsStillMe · 20/07/2010 09:31

I've got deja vue, remember reading something very similar a while back....

Either that or I dreamed it.

JaneS · 20/07/2010 09:47

Judging by the way you write, and the fact you didn't leave, you like the drama.

thesecondcoming · 20/07/2010 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZZZenAgain · 20/07/2010 10:06

"Around 90% of our friends from our old town go on there though"

then they are not really friends, are they? If you don't live there anymore and the people on that town forum treat you badly, drop them. They don't need to come to your wedding, be your bridesmaid.

And why? Really why do they know anything about your sex life?

Follyfoot · 20/07/2010 12:00

Would you hang around these people if they said the things to your face that they say about you on the internet? Course not, and neither would your DH. Both of you need to stay away from the madness of some parts of the internet and stick to real life.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/07/2010 12:11

Having a degree or being 'wordy' does not make you immune from being an arsehole. Just don't look.

Morloth · 20/07/2010 12:17

Ditch the lot of them, both online and in real life.

Miggsie · 20/07/2010 12:28

When I first net DH he hung around with a bunch of "friends" whose main occupation was going out in a big group and slagging off the person who wasn't there on that evening whenever they were out in this group.

I finally told DH I did not like this bunch of friends, they were mean and unkind. He agreed with me and we cut ties.
I suspect if we had had internet they may have indulged in this kind of thing.

Basically they were "people we socialised with" not "friends" (if you use the Aristotle definition of friendship where he says a friend is someone who "actively wishes you well").

Recently we got back in touch with them about 13 years on and although we have had a few pleasantish evenings (they have all grown up a bit but still stuck in the same social rut, weird) but I still feel they are people we pass time with and not true friends.

Frankly, I'd give the lot of them a miss. I suspect your DP is addicted to them as he has approval issues so even being discussed negatively gives him a thrill, rather than recognising it as dreadful stuff it be avoided? In that, it is better to be in a conversation even if it is shit, than to not be in the conversation?

You really don't need these people in your life, you are better than them. Just think "f*ck them" every so often, it's very empowering.

swanandduck · 20/07/2010 12:33

We had a neighbourhood forum that turned a bit nasty. I just stopped using it or reading it. A pity in a way, because it had useful information about new bus services etc., but it just wasn't worth the hassle.

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