I'm 12 weeks pregnant and terrified of being a mother

[TheOneinRed]

I?m going to explain some backstory. I apologise if it sounds implausible but I?m stating it rather matter-of-factly.

I was raised in poverty by two neglectful alcoholic parents whom spent most of their life unemployed. My father was regularly violent towards my vulnerable mother (she had manic depression) until his suicide when I was about ten.

I spent my adolescence daydreaming about being upper-middle class with an RP accent and a wealthy husband in tow. So I focused all my attention on being academically successful and now I'm a qualified GP.

Eventually I met my now husband and have my 'perfect life' and I'm 12 weeks pregnant. I am very content about life and always wanted children but I?m still terrified of having this child. Firstly, I have no idea how to raise a child properly. Secondly, I'm frightened of the fact that I've cursed my child with my "messed-up genes", most of my extended family are quite bluntly... aggressive benefit-claiming drunks that disowned me because I'm now a "posh cow with ideas beyond her station". Thirdly, I'm scared that my child will pick up on my emotional baggage like I did as a child with my own parents... they always used to rant about their horrible childhoods if I ever complained about not having necessities (i.e clean knickers) and I'm frightened I might do this too.

I guess I'm just posting this for reassurance but I'm wondering if these fears are normal. Does anybody even have any advice how to deal with these fears? I don't have many people to turn to in real life as most of my friends are either men or childless women. I tried to tell my friends about my fears but they just think I'm a crazy emotional pregnant lady.

I?d like to thank everybody for their lovely responses. After a talk with my husband, his best friend and all these comments, I feel more assured that I?ll be a decent mum. I've realised that nearly all my fears are irrational. Quite simply, I think I?ve just got to try my best to raise my future child in a loving and nurturing environment.

Today I?ve genuinely found a list of baby names I wrote in university on yellowing lecture notes about pregnancy... all with my husband?s surname. It seems like I?ve wanted his children for a decade now so I really shouldn?t be so worried. I do sound like a silly gushy romantic when I type this out.

I?ll try and post here more often. I?m sat next to a computer most of the working week anyway but I?m professional enough to only surf at lunch breaks.

TheOneinRed ...enjoy your pregnancy , and congratulations ! (remember to let us know when baby arrives ) x

I have just re-read my own post and think I need to re-phrase it slightly.

When I said "your fears are valid" I meant that your feelings and worries are perfectly valid reactions, I did not mean that there is any reason to think that your fears would be realised.

Sorry if this was not clear.