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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH doesnt want to know the sex...

22 replies

asteri · 19/07/2010 15:07

......but I do! I have my 20 week scan in about 6 weeks and got really excited that I was going to find out the sex of our baby, but then DH said that he doesnt want to know! obviously if he doesnt want to know then I cant (cos I'll end up telling him....) but I feel a bit disappointed now.

OP posts:

NewTeacher · 19/07/2010 15:13

you'll find out soon enough!!!

pranma · 19/07/2010 15:14

Just find out for yourself and tell everyone else
Dont paint the nursery pink or blue and choose neutral colours for babygros!

TeeBee · 19/07/2010 15:15

At my scans, the radiographer has always pointedly asked me if I wanted to know the sex. Once my DH answered 'yes', to which she replied, 'sorry, its mum I'm asking'. Loved it! It it was me, I'd ask him to leave the room whilst I found out. Why would you end up telling him?

LunaticFringe · 19/07/2010 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ivykaty44 · 19/07/2010 15:18

there are few suprises left in life and this is one lovely suprise at the birth

vinocollapso · 19/07/2010 15:19

Try to resist - it's worth it!

I'm due next week and I'm so glad that we've got this huge big shiny surprise at the end waiting for us!

Unless you're bothered about the whole blue/pink thing, it's so much nicer to be wondering what flavour you'll be getting, and thinking of names!

Vallhala · 19/07/2010 15:21

Which one of you is carrying this baby, you or him? Which one of you will be in labour? Which of you will be being scanned?

Right. So which one of you has the say on whether or not you find out the sex of your baby?

If he doesn't want to know, tell him to avert his eyes and block his ears.

HowsTheSerenity · 19/07/2010 15:23

A few friends of mine have wanted to know or vice versa. If it is the DH/P who wants to know then he gets told in secret. If it is the DW/P then she gets told and the other person leaves the room.
Simple. Everyone is happy.

Original poster

asteri · 19/07/2010 15:37

theres an idea, just ask him to leave the room and try my absolute best to not let it slip (Im a bit klutzy like that)

OP posts:

ramade · 19/07/2010 15:44

A relative told us it was worth waiting, and it was. I'm really glad I managed to resist finding out (WAS VERY VERY TEMPTED!!). I think it just adds a little special aspect to birth.

AmeliaJaneAgain · 19/07/2010 15:48

We didn't know for DS1 and the surprise was great, for DD2 I wanted to know and he didn't so I found out and didn't tell him, it was also great (just in a different way)!

It is possible to get what you both want - no worries!

makeupmummy · 19/07/2010 15:53

That was the same as us, but I went for scan by self,with 6 year old dd who was off school sick - we found out and told everyone as she was v cross that dh had not put a girl in mummy's tummy . I was glad to find out, all felt a lot more real and nice

thefinerthingsinlife · 19/07/2010 16:01

We didnt find out with dd, but with ds I really wanted to know, dh said no let it be a suprise, I moaned and did the whole i'm the one whos pregnant diva bit for 4 weeks, until the day of the scan and he said lets find out

I was pleased we did, so i felt we could prepare ie choose a name

MrsC2010 · 19/07/2010 16:03

I don't know, we found out for this one our first) but because we doth wanted to. if he really had vehemently been against the idea I would have acquiesed, not because I am a pushover but because being the lady I am automatically more involved and more in charge of elements of the pregnancy anyway, so it would be nice to 'give' him something if it was no skin off my nose. I don't think we'll find out for the next, though we are happy to know for this one!

SpeedyGonzalez · 19/07/2010 16:05

asteri, we were in this situation v recently. With DS (now 3) neither of us wanted to know, but with DD (now 2 mos) DH didn't want to know but I did. I decided that I wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for 20 weeks, so didn't ask the sex at the scan. Then as the pregnancy wore on, it became a wonderful thing for me to anticipate who my baby was, and it was utterly brilliant discovering after I'd pushed her out.

Hang on in there, it's worth it for the surprise at the end!

enzed · 19/07/2010 16:06

I found out in advance (at 36 weeks) because there was all sorts of discussion about me being induced / having a c-section and i decided i wanted to know first rather than half a dozen drs / students / midwives etc knowing if i did end up having a c-section. My husband didn't want to know, so I found out and kept it a secret from everyone. I suppose it would have been more difficult to keep it secret if I'd found out at 20 weeks. Are you sure you couldn't find out without him being in the room and just keep it to yourself?

StormyWeather · 19/07/2010 16:19

I always thinks it's a bit sad (unless for medical reasons of course) to know the sex beforehand. I had a surprise for my son and three daughters, and it was lovely to be handed each baby and to tell hubbie and the midwife what I'd just had! Never, never wanted to know!

For the OP, if you really want to know and DH doesn't, then it'll be hard keeping it a secret, but the less people know, the less chance of it slipping out, so I'd say keep it to yourself, or maybe just share with your Mum, if she wants to know.

MrsGangly · 19/07/2010 16:51

"Which one of you is carrying this baby, you or him? Which one of you will be in labour? Which of you will be being scanned?

Right. So which one of you has the say on whether or not you find out the sex of your baby?"

Little struck by the selfish attitude here. It is his baby too! Does he not get to make any decisions while the mother is breastfeeding or being a SAHM either?!

OP - carry on chatting about it, plenty of time to think through the pros and cons together and make a joint decision. For us, it came down to a conversation when I said, "I don't think I want to know, but if you do, then let's find out." He decided not to know then or at any of our subsequent scans so we've had lots of fun trying to guess what we are having with all those old wives tales! (I don't think my parents believe that we don't really know though because they keep trying to 'catch' us out.)

oohlalaaaa · 19/07/2010 17:03

I had the same dilemma a few weeks ago. I wanted to know the sex at 20 week scan, dp didnt, in the end I relented and Im so as glad we will have an amazing surprise in a few weeks. Once the opportunity at the scan had passed, I found it easier, it was just so tempting at the time. My reasons in the end for deciding not to were: they dont always know 100% and I would have bought everything neutral anyway! Also dp won me over by saying that this will be our last baby (probably!) so it is his last chance of not knowing the sex at the birth and having that moment they say its a boy or girl. When I thought about it like that, I did feel like I would be depriving him of that when really, it wouldnt really make that much difference to me if we found out or not. I also would not be able to keep a secret! And now, I think the pregnancy is still really exciting and cant wait for the birth. with dd we found out, and it spoiled it a bit tbh.

char3mum · 19/07/2010 17:11

i couldn't wait to find out, you know i didn't even ask DH if he wanted to know with the first two, isn't that awful??? we have two DS and number three due in sept, we wanted to know this time because we had to buy everything again (number two was going to be our last) and i wanted all pink if it was a girl, its a boy, expected to be upset but am delighted, bring on number four!!!!! on a completely different note, i strongly recommend ebay for all the big stuff, my pram cost me 5.50 i kid you not, last years mamas and papas with carry cot front and rear facing seat in mint condition

prozacfairy · 19/07/2010 17:14

It should be a joint decision imo. My then DP wanted to know the sex while I was pregnant, I wanted a surprise. Wasn't a major issue but it's one of the few surprises left in life. So we didn't find out.

It isn't fair one parent to know and not the other. I guess you either win him round or you wait til D-Day....

Giddyup · 19/07/2010 17:18

I wanted to find out DP did not,we didn't. We discussed it and he wanted to not know more than I wanted to know. If i had been really really desperate to know and he had just rather not have known he would have agreed to find out. Who is more commited to their decsion, you or him?

My reasonableness may stem from the fact this baby is DPs 1st but my 2nd so maybe a teeny bit more 'special' to him (not right way of explaining it really), as being reasonable and fair is not a trait I am usually renowned for!

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