abortion

[malteaserpearl]

am a regular but have name changed for this. i had an abortion on saturday. was 10 weeks pregnant. now feel down and numb and different.

aibu will things ever go back to normal

Be kind to yourself, it's early days.

I don't think reasonable or unreasonable comes into it tbh.

There are post-termination counselling services available.

thankyou sidge i just feel like i want to hide. to sleep and never wake up. i just want it all to go away. i feel like i should not be feeling sad or upset i mean i chose it so why should i be feeling sad. its my fault this happened.

You have just had a big change - in terms of your body chemistry alone - hormonal misery now would be normal. Abortion is treated as a bereavement for a reason (though it is not like that for everyone by any means)

for many people life does go back to normal once they have got over this bit - it really depends on you. there is no hard law you have to feel crap forever - plenty of women on Mumsnet and elsewhere have had abortions and are have not looked back.
impossible to say for your particular case.

You're probably feeling shocked. You had your reasons for doing this and I'm sure you did what was right for you.

Give yourself time, and don't be hard on yourself. Do you have any support?

have you got support from a partner? friend? parent?

it is early days, regardless of whether the termination was absolutely the right thing or not, it is a massive thing to go through.

give yourself time, to grieve and be upset, or angry or whatever it is you need.

things will get back to normal in time

yes i have support from my dh although he is at work today and i am left with the dcs and feeling very alone.

i just cant bare to look at them and think of what ive done. just they keep me going as i no i did it for them. to be able to cope.

It's a cliche but time is a healer- in time it won't feel so raw. Take care of yourself and take it a step at a time

thankyou. i no it was the right thing to do for my family.. but i just feel so sad.

also i need to go to the doctors and start my anti depressants but cant face it.

Have also name-changed for this.
Exactly a year ago this last weekend I discovered I was pregnant. I was 47 with two children just entering their teens.

I was beside myself, but as I found out the day before we were due to fly out on holiday, there was little I could do but sit on the news for two weeks and fret.
But it was a useful enforced thinking time and it enabled me to be 100% certain that I would have a terination. I had DH's full support in whatever I wanted to do. It was hard to get my head around the fact that I was so over-joyed when it happened with my first two children and we have given our all in creating the best home and loving family for them, yet here I was feeling totally the oppsoite for this one.

I had the operation once I returned at 10 weeks, and was a little in a way at how easy it all was - in terms of organisation, anyway. It seemed a bit like a conveyor belt, really, and I also felt ashamed. Other women/girls in the clinic were all in tears. I wasn't. I couldn't wait to get away.

Afterwards, there was very little physical fallout, and I flopped around a bit for a few days, not helped by the fact we had decorators in! Could have done without that really.

I had a few emotional melt-downs when DH would steer the kids away, and also once in the doctor's surgery and he was so nice and said my hormones were adjusting.

Fast forward a year, and I can honestly say that I rarely even think about it. I certainly go days and sometimes weeks without it crossing my mind. I have absolutely no regrets AT ALL, even round about when my Due Date would have been. All the reasons for opting for a termination in the first place still stand. It may be that I've blocked it all out, as I'm good at that, although I've just welled up reading your post, and this is the first thread on the subject I've ever contributed to.

I'm not sure how this is supposed to help, as we all have different approaches to such things. But go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up with judgements, and if you want to cry then let yourself cry. Don't know how old your kids are but lock yourself in the loo if you must.

Don't care if it's non-MN!

oyu know you did it for you and for your already here kids to have a better life. This reason was reason enough and that reason will stay with you. Be kind to yourself, I know how you feel.

thankyou rapide. thanks for taking the time to share your story, i no it cant have been easy.

hopefully i will feel better in time. i no i did the right thing but i still have this feeling of regret and sadness and its hard. esp before when i ahve celebrated and loved each pregnancy.

thankyou for giving me hope rapide and for knowing i am not alone and thanks for the hug x

I know that the chances of my carrying a healthy baby to full-term at my age would have been very slight, and that it was highly likely that I would have miscarried naturally, I hated the fact that I was pre-empting nature's decision.

And you will feel better in time, I promise. I suppose I think of it as having a special secret little box inside my heart, which only DH, best friend and I know about. Once in a blue moon, (like just now, after your post) I open it and stroke what's inside, lay it gently back, and quietly close it up again.

And carry on.

Oh, how rubbish. Feel so bad for you in this position. Knowing you have done right thing does not always translate into feeling like it. so sorry you are going thru' this.Big really un mn hugs. Rapide(so brave) it will lessen.xxx

Thanks. Don't feel brave though. Feel I took the coward's way out.
But this isn't my thread! Anyway, I'm fine. Really! Absolutely meant what I said about rarely thinking about it.

Please don't beat yourself up. You are brave and you are also human. It is completely natural to have mixed feelings about these things, even if you are 100% sure it was the right thing to do. You need time to physically recover and also to aemotionally recover from the initial 'shock', for want of a better word.

I hope you have some understanding relatives/friends to confide in, who will give you the TLC you need. There are also professional services out there, too, if you feel you need an external ear/shoulder.

Good luck xx

I can't stress enough that at last part of what you are feeling is due to the physical shock of the pregnancy ending, sudden hormonal changes etc.

It's perfectly normal to feel depressed / numb / however it takes you in the days after an abortion.

I think (just as after giving birth) its also normal for the hormone changes to result in a brief period of elation or relief followed by a few days of utter depression.

For some people, it really helps to know that there is an underlying physical reason for their emotions. Yes it can get back to normal but it's normal to feel as you are, at this stage.

Can I ask about these anti-depressants you're about to collect? Have you been on them anyway, or have they been prescribed for your current situation? Because if so, would it not be an idea to wait a little while for your understandably raw emotions to settle before numbing them with tablets? I'm no doctor of course, and I recognise that ADs have their place but you need to feel this, I would think.
Tell me to butt out though if I'm off track.