To deny them the neatly wrapped departure

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My employers refused me flexible working after maternity leave so I am leaving my post. Long history - unsupportive during my pregnancy, lots of pressure when I was off-sick due to pregnancy, I caught an illness in the workplace which put baby at risk, boss did not say a single word of farewell at a staff event on my last day of work, I visited lots of times with my baby during mat leave in order to rebuild relationships and boss initially made positive noises about flexible working but then rejected it outright...

I have tried to leave on good terms and they suggested that I come in for a farewell at an event this week, but I have realised that I just do not want to go. I don't want them to put on a public show and wrap it all up neatly as 'How lovely, X is leaving to spend more time with her baby'. I want to move on emotionally without feeling 'bought off' or neatly packaged away.

I can see your point, but equally there might be an element of cutting off your nose to spite your face here. Presumably there are other colleagues you'd like to say goodbye to? Plus, there may well have been a generous whip-round; you could be missing out on a quality present .

If you go and there is no formality then you can mingle with people you like and ignore the ones who made life difficult, and it will be fine.

If they decide to make a hollow show of formally saying goodbye and farewell in the future, which my twofaced backstabbing bastard former employer did then take the opportunity to say a few words in response to their kind wishes. Something along the lines of .... lovely to see so many friendly faces again ..... so sorry I won't be coming back but that wasn't my decision and it is sad to end things like this, but unfortunately I wasn't allowed to come back as I had hoped ..... still no hard feelings and wish everyone well.

I did this, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife and it was possibly a bit immature in hindsight, but it made me feel better just seeing the look on my boss's face as he had to stand next to me squirming and hand me a huge bouquet.

I had a similar situation and I didn't go, despite lots of "you must come for goodbye drinks" type comments, because I didn't want anyone to think I was happy to be leaving IYSWIM.

i'd try and rise above and be professional

i get you are disappointed but many companies CANT give people flex working and many suffer whe staff are off sick. pregnancy related or not

sorry but I work with and know alot of people that did not get what they wanted with flex work. Its NOT an automatic entitlement

rise above it I'd say

I can totally see your point here and find it extraordinary in this day and age that it isn't mandatory to offer flexi working to a new mother but from all I have read about it the employer only seems to have to hold open the job that you held prior to mat leave.

I would be seriously pissed off too as it sounds like they have treated you like sh*t but I would be cautious about doing something that is detrimental to any reference you might want in the future. I would go for the goodies and when saying something (if you so want to) come up with something similar to having wanted to come back to work but that you are really enjoying being a parent and want to find something that is more suitable with its flexibility (and maybe add that you have had a couple of interesting prospects [evil grin emoticon])

Sorry it has been so crap, but enjoy the people you liked working with making a fuss of you.

Flexible working cannot be rejected outright. The employer is obliged to give full consideration to the request and to provide the reasons why the request has been rejected.

If he has not done this the employer has not behaving reasonable and you have a case of unlawful dismissal to take to an employment tribunal, who tend to be very receptive to pregnant/new mothers being forced out.

Go see a lawyer on a no win no fee basis or the CAB.

Besy of luck.

sorry should read:

"has not behaved reasonably"

Welshexpat all the employer has to do is take 10 minutes and say it wouldn't work for reasons a) and b).

There is no standard for the reasons.

They are required to be reasons are required to be credible though, and often they are not.

They are required to be
The

The other aspect to the decision is that in years to come you may wish to re-enter the job market, and one of the people you pissed off by not attending may be in a position to either influence whether you get the job, or be a future colleague.

Quite understand that you are not happy about things - but personally I think I would try and look at legal advice, and make it clear to your boss in private in a mature conversation that you are unhappy about the way your case has been treated and that the firm may wish to rethink the way it deals with these issues in the future.

The reasons have to specific to your role and to the company. If they have not done this properly you can pursue it further. I think there are some standard reasons on the Directgov web-site becuase my employer were being a bit awkward at first and all the letters/e-mails were almost exactly as per the paragraphs outlined.

Regarding going back for a 'goodbye' not sure I would in your position (but then I do hold grudges that will end up giving me an ulcer or something less serious but probably self-inflicted). If you don't want to burn any bridges, you should go. Let's be honest here, it is only an hour (maybe 2) out of your life so why get all angsty about it?

Go to the Do. Get your nice present. Network like mad, get phone numbers and e-mail addresses. Don't do anything petty: you will want a reference off these people one day or they may have some contract work going.

Make your excuses early (must get back to baby). You will move on, it just takes time.

Go along to the bash and be gracious, mature & professional. Don't leave on bad terms - being labelled as bitter or someone who holds a grudge could go against you if there are any suitable positions in future.

A similar thing happened to me after my 1st pregnancy - I requested flex hours & it was refused so I was basically forced to resign.

Shortly afterwards a colleague from that company moved to a new job and called me for some freelance work. Then the original company called me back for some part time freelance work too. I've had regular work from the original company for the past 5 years and now they've offered me a salaried position with the flex hours I wanted in the 1st place!

You never know how things will pan out in future.

The only problem is that if the law makes it MANDATORY for all parents (mostly mothers) to have flexible working, companies will simple hire less women. Flex working does not always suit companies, at least cos it can cause discontent with the staff that dont have kids and have to work 9-5

iof we give working mothers alot, we in parallel harm them

for that reason alone, dont go off in a strop, rise above it and complete professionally

I can see why it sticks in your throat tho

I don't think refusing anyone flexible working hours if it doesn't meet with the business needs of a company, or will mean putting extra pressure on other staff, is unreasonable and the idea of making it mandatory for working mothers is not going to do us any favours. I think that's a dreadful idea.
Your company however don't sound as if they handled the issue very nicely.

What senua said. You never, never know with work: don't burn your bridges unless you absolutely have no alternative. Go, be cheerful, appear interested in the future of the organisation. Make sure you say to your boss that if there is an opportunity for you to work flexibly in the future, you remain interested. Then turn on your heel and get out of there.

Arrange a quiet meal with colleagues and don't invite the boss? So you get to say goodbye to colleagues but they don't get the neatly wrapped departure?

The reasons given for turning down flexible working were appropriate business reasons according to the legislation, but I still feel that if they had wanted to they could have made it work...

I agree that behaving professionally is the best approach, which is why I avoided expressing any emotional reaction to the rejection and went in to have a civilised chat about my options not long afterwards. I have also offered to continue working for my employer on an ad-hoic basis and they are potentially interested in this - which is why a goodbye is somewhat strange too...

This event is an emotional occasion anyway and I am aware that I would face a lot of questions from clients about whether or not I am coming back and if not, why not. Yes, they are that blunt! The 'professional' side of me would want to brush aside the truth and protect the image of my employer. However, the other side of me fears that the mask might slip and I might reveal more than I intended to.

I have already begun branching out in a other directions (hence the MN name) and have a piece of work to do this week - emotional connections to the old place sit uncomfortably with that.

My conclusion is probably not to go, but thanks for the input.

OK, as far as clients are concerned be honest and say that you would have liked to come back and are still really interested in your job and all it entails but that unfortunately you need to be a bit more flexible and it doesn't fit in with the company at the moment but you are hoping in the future that it might work out. DON'T dis the company but make sure your clients know you are open to offers.

It worked for a friend of mine and she ended up with some of her old company's smaller clients and setting up on her own. Use it all as an opportunity to get some feelers out for future potential career and it is for that reason that you should go!

I had a goodbye when I had my dd, have since gone back and am a little mortified that no one seems to give a toss that I am off on Mat leave next week! But the plus side is that I do have v flex working hours and days and that the perks are good even though the job is a bit dull and not very progressive at the moment!