My 40th party

[Effjay]

I will be 40 at the end of the year. I'd mentioned to DH that I'd like a party and was going to organise something, but hadn't done anything about it. Last weekend, he offered to make the arrangements for me. So, he's book a small venue and has drawn up a guest list. I said I wanted to have a look at this before he sent it out. Of about 50-60 people on the list, 16 were people who I hardly know,a few of whom I have never even met. He knows these people through his hobby, which he is very involved in. I removed these people from the list coz I just don't know them. He got really annoyed and said that he doesn't want to organise my party anymore and I can do it myself. . I got upset, I said I should have final say on the guest list as it's my birthday. AIBU?

YANBU. So write a list of who you want invited and give it to him. (But it might be nice to let him invite a couple of his mates as well)

maybe he wants you to spend more time with them and get to know them better?

i think it's a pity if he has friends you have no intention of getting to know better. as a proportion 16 out of 60 isn't so many..

YAB a bit U. he is organising you a party which is more than a lot of DPs would do. And he wats to invite some friends of his - maybe he is really proud of you and wants to show you off to his mates? Maybe they are really nice people and he wants you to meet them? It is nice when there's an opportunity to 'join up' different bits of your life and get people together. He sounds like a great DP IMO. Don't be a partyzilla!

Oh, bless, a 40Zilla...

Seriously out of 60, there are 16 people he would like to invite? That sounds fair to me.

As long as all the people you most care about in the world are on your list, and there is still room and cash to spare for others, then really why not let him invite people you don't know.... yet.

Who was it that said Strangers are Friends we have not yet met?.. What? Hallmark? OK, but you know what I mean.

It's a party, a piss up, relax and enjoy, let others organise it if you can, and just sit back and rightfully enjoy being spoiled rotten!

Hope you have a cracking do!

YABU i'm not surprised he's pissed off, he's trying to do something nice for you and you've kicked him in the bollocks.

Well as long as he hadn't excluded any of the peope you wanted I don't see the problem. He wanted some of his friends too - no big deal surely?

I don't blame him for being upset.

Hmmm... Thanks for helping me see another point of view. He does already have a lot of his friends on the list - at least half of the 60 are his friends, that I now know well too. I just removed the ones that I don't. Maybe it's a bit harsh.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all...It's your birthday so why is it hard to understand that you would want to spend the party celebrating with your friends, not his. If it was an anniversary or something, fair enough, guests from both your sides, but i think i'd be annoyed if it was my 40th and there was people there i didn't know.

Actually I'd be a bit to receive an invite to a birthday party where I didn't know the birthday person.

Well, yes, that was my immediate reaction. It seems opinion is divided

Your birthday, your choice. Like other people have said. Unless I was a new partner of someone who knew you well I'd feel very strange going to your 40th never having met you.

If it was a big bbq for no special reason then fair enough, or even a joint anniversary. But it's YOUR do.

I suppose I can understand him being dissapointed, but it's not like you're having 200. You're saying a quarter of the people there are people you've either only met a few times or not at all - not on!

Maybe to appease him he could invite say 5 of the acquiantances you've met?

Do you not think that might piss him off a bit more, telling him he's "allowed" to invite 5 people to a party he's organising?

YABU, what does it matter? He knows and likes them, and wants to involve them in a big event to celebrate your birthday. If that doesn't mean excluding people you want, why not go for it? I really can't imagine 'vetoing' people like this.