to be a SAHM who is annoyed with DH for skiving?

[MrsPurr]

My DH works as a freelance writer, I gave up my job in TV to be a SAHM -- hope to go back later, our PFB DS is 8mo. I am finding it bloody hard work.
I found out from Twitter (!) that my DH went to see a film yesterday afternoon instead of working. I am not annoyed about that, I know he needs to see things for work and also I want him to enjoy some time off -- we're both knackered. It was a shit sci-fi film that I wouldn't wanted to have seen anyway, he's buggered off to a film in the afternoon before and I was pleased he had a nice time.
I am however a bit heartbroken about the fact that he decided to keep it a secret. He just never mentioned it. We always share everything together and the fact that he just bit his lip when I told him what DS and I got up to yesterday and when I asked how his day was he didn't mention it makes me feel really sad. I feel like it's the slippery slope of him keeping things from Wifey such as boozy sessions (so not him!), affairs, etc. He says he didn't want to mention it because I was 'depressed' this week about being a SAHM and it would have upset me. I cried my eyes out about this last night. I just hate the thought of him keeping secrets from me -- it seems really patronising.
AIBU?

TBH I think you're being a bit over-sensitive. A trip to the cinema is not going to lead to an affair which ever way you look at it! It sounds to me like he genuinely didn't want to upset you.......in the grand scheme of things, a trip to the cinema is not a major secret.

are you usually prone to such hyperbolic over reaction.going to cinema is no slippery slope.maybe your real issue is discontent at being sahm.referring to yourself as wee wifey- is that how you feel

crying because your dh went to cinema is very histrionic

You are right scottishmummy, I think discontent at being SAHM is very much part of it

Perhaps I should have posted in R/ships under 'Will being a SAHM wreck my marriage?'

It's just we really don't normally do that kind of thing. Honest.

But why did he need to hide it, if he was really trying to protect you maybe he could have done something to make your week a little easy - an afternoon off yourself perhaps!!

You are allowed to be a bit senstive, don't agree with the two previous posts - sorry

i suppose it is the transition from work to sahm.be hinest with dh talk about how you feel.make time to get your haircut,cinema something for yourself

on a practical level.maintain professional contacts. try socially see them and email.keep up to date with industry.helps keep you on radar and maybe feel less disconnected

im not sahm,but i imagine the transition would be bit up and down as you adjust and adapt to role change

dont go ott with melodramatic scenarios.try meet other mums at baby group etc

Also in spirit of total disclosure I was diagnosed with PND. Much better now but had shitty week with poorly DS and poorly me so have been fed up. So on some level I can see how DH in logical man style might have thought what I didn't know wouldn't hurt me?
It's just the whole keeping it a secret from me thing makes me feel sick!

you are overstating his innocuous act,but pnd does affect judgement and mood.good communication and adequate time for your self are important.not becoming completely overwhelmed in the sahm role and feeling lost

hope the pnd resolves

take care

If he posted it on Twitter he wasn't really trying to hide it. Or does he think you can't see Twitter?

If this was the other way round your DP would be called a controlling pig

Yes RunawayWife, the fact that he kept it a secret suggests that's how he sees me. Oh good...

Dont be too hard on yourself, it is very hard adjusting to being a SAHM especially when you have a poorly baby and recovering from PND. I guess that your DH was trying to be kind, if it was a slippery slope to an affair he wouldnt have posted it on Twitter (this is from someone who caught her DH in the middle of a romantic meal with his bit on the side last week .

Other posts are right, give yourself a break, get hair done and have friends round or go out for an evening.

Do you want to go back to work? Just thinking that if the SAHM bit really makes you feel rubbish that both you and DS would be happier if you were back at work. However, I can vividly remember going on a work night out when DS was 5 mnths and feeling that I didnt fit in either role any more. It has got better since,I enjoy being SAHM. That's not to say it's not mind numbingly boring and frustrating some days, but weighing it up it's deffo the right choice for me.

Thanks ballstoit and I am so sorry for your experience of catching your DH last week -- bleurgh. Sorry about me bleating on, I hope you're doing ok.

I think the best thing for me to do would be to figure out some way of getting back to work. I am freelance and usually do 2- to 3-month contracts, so provided I can get one in the current environment and 8 months+ out of the loop I could just try out one job and see whether it feels like a good idea or not.

It just seems selfish of me to muck DS around with childcare, is Mum at home or isn't she stuff when I am not going to die of staying at home and looking after him, indeed I am very aware it is a privilege. It is also bloody hard work and I thought it would be a lot easier! ballstoit you mentioned you were back to work when your DC was 5 months -- when did you decide to jack it in?

reestablish professional contacts.go back to work.sahm leaves you too much time to pontificate daft what ifs