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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to strangle my MIL?

22 replies

ShadeofViolet · 17/07/2010 14:19

DS1 has had issues with food for a while (sensory probles etc) and is under a dietician as he lost a lot of weight and is very small for his age. He has been drinking build-up drinks for a while, as we have done alot to build up his calorie intake in a good way.

This morning he went to MIL's and has just been picked up by DH. He has come back with a handwritten list (by MIL) of all the things he shouldnt eat because they are bad for him. This includes Cheese, Youghurts, Milk, Bread and Pasta and Banana's. DS has taken what she has said as Gospel, and apparently fat is bad and he doesnt want it.

Now DH has rung up MIL who is not apologetic at all. She says that DS is just like her brother was at that age and we shouldnt be worried about his eating. She thinks a balanced diet that doesnt include fat and carbs is fine for a 9 year old.

She has massive issues with food as all her family are very small and thin. She has told me that I overfeed DD (who has always been on the 50th Percentile) and makes comments about my size - as I am between a 10 and a 12.

I am so fed up with her. She is a real loony but this is serious and cant just be forgotten as her sillyness again.

AIBU?

OP posts:

secunda · 17/07/2010 14:22

YANBU she is a complete idiot. Calcium and carbs are essential for children (well, for everyone, but especially children)

Original poster

ShadeofViolet · 17/07/2010 14:23

I forgot to say, at the top of the list it says' Food thats will make you fat' and its underlined three times.

OP posts:

werewolf · 17/07/2010 14:27

Let him look at something like this? - bbc nutrition in children

borderslass · 17/07/2010 14:29

Is she stupid? a healthy diet for an adult is not healthy for a child, they need more fat and calcium as they burn more energy off and are growing.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 17/07/2010 14:35

Sounds like she has an eating disorder!! DH needs to have a firm word with her though.

hairytriangle · 17/07/2010 14:38

Good grief YANBU. I wouldn't let your DC be with her without you from now on!

10-12 is a great size to be - very healthy!

blinks · 17/07/2010 14:43

fucking lunatic.

i'd go through her like a dose of salts. her decision to starve herself but how DARE she try to pass her issues on to a child.

TinaSparkles · 17/07/2010 14:46

Why on earth has she given a 9 year old boy a list like that for?

Agree with above post though, it's your DHs place (coming from someone who has just fallen out with their MIL on holiday but who two weeks later is coming up trumps).

FakePlasticTrees · 17/07/2010 14:53

I'd refuse to let your DS see her until she agrees never to discuss food with him. Get your DH to read her the riot act.

Tell your DS that eating too much of any one food will make you fat, but eating some of all foods is good. And that Granny has gone a bit silly in her old age !

Quality · 17/07/2010 14:57

thats not silliness, that's appalling, stupid bitch.

YANBU, this is good breakdown for different ages at least half of a child's intake should be carbs fgs.

sapphireblue · 17/07/2010 15:05

absolute fucking idiot. I would be absolutely livid if my MIl did this. YWNBU to refuse to let her see him unsupervised if that's the kind of shit she comes out with.

prozacfairy · 17/07/2010 15:15

YANBU! Looks like you're gonna have to re educate your DS- I don't blame you one bit for being horrified at what shes poisoning your son's mind with- I'd go mental.

Infact my MIL does not have an eating disorder as your's seems to but is obsessed with diets to the point that I'm banning her from talking bout them in front of my DD (2.10) as I don't want her to have a complex. Also hearing about other peoples' latest diet is as boring as fuck. Imo.

pigletmania · 17/07/2010 15:20

What a loon, ignore! Sounds like your MIL knows nothing about a well balanced diet, she could use a dietician herself.

pigletmania · 17/07/2010 15:22

BTW size 10-12 sounds gorgeous, wish that I was

rowingcah · 17/07/2010 15:34

A balanced diet is one that includes fat and carbs not one that excludes it. YADNBU. Go with the dietician's advice, obviously, and perhaps get them to speak to your son to help him understand? Really difficult situation as you don't want your DS to be any more skewed/paranoid about food than your MIL is trying to make him! Perhaps try offering some of his favourite foods which include some of the "banned" groups your MIL has kindly () specified!

Jux · 17/07/2010 15:44

Do strangle her, you have my permission

JuicyLips · 17/07/2010 15:46

What an awful thing for your Mil to say. agree with everyone else that you would be perfectly within your rights to say no to your ds going there. Does she have an eating disorder to be thinking this way?

olderandwider · 17/07/2010 16:52

I think your biggest worry right now is deprogramming your DS from this weird fat/carbs-are-bad propaganda.

If he won't listen to you, perhaps a trip to the GP or nurse who could give him a pep talk and maybe a personalised list of all the yummy foods he needs to eat to stay healthy would help.

Your MIL sounds bonkers.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 17/07/2010 17:02

FREAK. Bitch. I'd kill her TBH.

catsmother · 17/07/2010 17:04

What a wicked old bitch ! Her no fat evangelism could actually harm her grandson who, BTW, is under a qualified dietician (quite obviously she knows better though). Sounds as if she has a very skewed relationship with food but there's no way she should try to influence a child .... and for what purpose exactly ? Would she only be happy if he was skeletal and literally malnourished ?

You & your DH have every right to come down on this gross irresponsibility like a ton of bricks, and I wouldn't let your DS anywhere near her until you're sure she can be trusted not to interfere.

As Olderandwiser says your problem now is convincing DS that his grandma is talking out of her arse mistaken and undoing the harm. Apart from speaking to the dietician or GP or nurse, would his school perhaps agree to do something on balanced nutrition ?

glittery · 17/07/2010 17:14

I feel for you SOV, my ex MIL was the very same, although you can add in taking hair samples to be sent off to be analyzed, a belief that huge doses of vitamins could cure anything (even cancer) and also a belief that doctors dont know anything and that she knew better because she knew everything there was to know about the human body because she watched the discovery health channel.
as i said she is now ex MIL and we have a much better relationship now i can tell her freely what i think! i also think she got the hint when i handed back a bag of every lotion, potion and vitamin she had ever given me unopened

spongecakelover · 17/07/2010 19:30

YANBU! What a freak.

My son's also tiny for his age and dietician and paediatrician both explained in detail how an adult 'comfort food' diet + veg (macaroni cheese, shepherd's pie etc) is the ideal diet for kids. In fact the paediatrician went so far as to add that he felt wotsits, sausages (in moderation) were totally normal and fine foods for kids.

My MIL is kind of the opposite. She tells me DS1 is 'not a real man' because he isn't that keen on meat. And that DS2 is a 'real man' because he does. Ugh.

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