That if someone posts about domestic abuse and a controlling husband

[NotHereThanks]

that she is not given very little advice or condemnation of her husband because he's a Muslim?

When and how did this happen? If a non muslim posts that her husband makes all decisions about children and this is affecting them badly and so on, she would be told to leave the bastard,. But a Catholic married to a Muslim meekly asks the exclusive group of Muslim sisters for advice and she is told to talk to an Imman(sic) or asked if he would allow the child to play with Muslim friends....

The prejudice just pisses me off, what is wrong with non muslim children?

Am I unreasonable to think that people are people first and advice should not be tailored to appease and cow down to prejudice and sexist controlling men and their unfortunate wives.

I haven't read the other thread, but I have posted on others where my disapproval of a man's behaviour has been consistent no matter what the cultural/religious background

quite often, it is not clear at the beginning from what background the bloke is from and comes out part way through

my stance never changes in any way

there is quite a long running thread going on at the moment where the H has a porn and chatline problem and has withdrawn intimacy from his marriage...on the whole, his behaviour has been condemned (apart from the usual smattering of porn apologists, of course)

In fact, having read properly it is a chat/support thread for muslim ladies, and someone has mentioned their H on it, so really unlikely anyone other than lurkers or the people on the thread woudl have seen it. Shoudl we read every post on every thread for mentions of abuse? That woudl be quite hard you know.

I'm not saying that MNers are prejudiced or aren't helping, but that the inherent adherence to men in Islam means that the general consensus is not representative of Mners because the respondents are Muslim and the perspective is very different. I wonder if being a convert and not raised a Muslim gives women even less power within their own marriage. Obviously DA is not, by a long way, confined to Muslims but the response to it seems restricted by following the faith.

AnyFucker....it is a very detailed account of a very controlling man whose wife has to rely on the dcs to know what their father expects or has decided for them. She is not allowed to let her ds, 10, to go on playdates and if she does he DH berates the children and so they are too frightened to go even if she allows it.

One poster suggests Muslim friends for the boy, another that she knows men like that, another posts that her husband forbids her parents to visit her home. It is more like 'a dutiful wife club' rather than a 'normal' outrage and condemnation.

And for the record, I know your advice wouldn't alter AF....I've been here long enough!!

To post on the thread itself disagreeing with what's been said, fine YANBU.

To start another thread slagging off Muslims - YABU.

This is not slagging off Muslims, it is complete outrage at the way a thread of women gave little or no condemnation of a controlling and bullying husband. The reason for their apparent lack of outrage at this woman's treatment was because everyone was speaking via their faith, so it seemed. I sincerely hope it is not representative of Muslims.

I have the philosophy/religion section hidden, but I think that if it had been posted in Relationships rather than asking for Muslim women for help, then it would be getting the usual responses and support.

BoF...hmmmm perhaps I should do the same. The more I seem to search for goodness and positivity in faith the more ugly and bizarre it becomes.

GAG, I don't think for one second that OP is slagging off Muslims

Please let's not derail the thread with stuff like that

It does sound an awful situation for that woman, but if her dilemma is buried amongst more general chat then the more "hard-core" posters will not have even seen it, IYSWIM

and perhaps this thread reinforces the idea that a thread about a thread seldom goes the way you want it to

maybe a more general question about what constitutes abuse among different cultures would have made an interesting discussion...

I have a friend in RL who has a controlling husband, they are regular church goers and when she laughingly complains about him she talks about her vows before God.....

Anyfucker, I have rather a trigger happy set of fingers and before I could say 'jimney cricket' the thread had been born!!

I didn't see this as slagging off muslims at all, and I can see your point, it is not pelasant reading, but as bof says, if it had been in relationships it woudl have got many more answers. Unfortunately, if the poster only feels comfortabel posting certain details in one thread only you can't change that.

Yes, I forgot to say I have that topic hidden too

Hey, I have trigger-happy fingers too !

Agree with Notherethanks

I never saw that thread, and wouldn't have clicked on it even if I'd seen it I guess.

But on all the other threads like this, it seems to me that the OPs get good advice, it's just difficult for them to take it all on board all at once. Denial being pierced is a slow process sometimes.

It seems to be a chat thread, the problem seems to be buried in there so many people wouldn't have noticed. When I read it now I must say that I was shocked by the 'Must be an Asian thing' and even more offended by the 'No Muslim husband would dream of going for marriage counselling' (or words to that effect). Well my husband would and has.

Looks like a good thread for a chat with other Muslims though, I must post there sometime.