To be seething with rage.

[CoraBear]

Ok, so a bit of background: My DP has a sister who is very immature (she's 26) and likes to be the centre of attention. She really gets her fun from "accidentally" saying something that she's not supposed to and watching the mayhem ensue.

So, last weekend we were at a BBQ for DP's family and his extended family, all in all there was about 50 people there. We all sat down for dinner and one of DP's nieces who is about 20 months old sat up on my knee during the meal and I was chopping up bits of food for her to eat. Her Mum told the little girl to get down and let me eat my dinner in peace, but I said I didn't mind as she was no trouble. From the end of the table DP's sister says ina loud voice "She better get used to it, there's going to be an announcement soon."

The entire table quietened and all eyes were on me(DP was inside with some of the others watching some world cup match). I was mortified, I could feel my face turning puce. All I could come up with as a witty reply was "Oh yeah, have you something to tell us." There was some pity laughs around the table but there was glances being exchanged at eyebrows being raised.

I then had to say to DP's parents that I wasn't pregnant(I omitted telling them that their daughter is a cow!)but his Mum just kept saying "All eyes will be on you now."

I'm so furious with DP's sister. She said it because she had seen my prenatal vitamins in the kitchen press and just wanted to stir the shit. She flippantly revealed something about me to liven up her day and now I have to deal with the "Any news?" (accompanied with a nod at my stomach) questions. I also know that the longer it takes for an announcement to be made the more it will be talked about. DP's family all live in each others pockets and this would be good gossip fodder.

The other thing is that, and I know you may all think I am being silly, but if we do get pregnant I want people to be generally suprised when we tell them, not to be waiting for it. I haven't spoken to DP'd sis since it happened because I know if I do I will kill her. I would like to calm down and then tell her how I feel without resorting to clocking her over the head with a chair. Any suggestions would be welcome.

Genuinely suprised, not generally.

Silly mare - ignore her.Her life must be very boring if that's how she gets her kicks.

That's terrible, I would hate to know someone like that.
Have you spoken to your DP about it?
I just wouldnt invite her over anymore and if she does come over dont let her in to snoop!
But I do think you should tell her why you're angry with her.

YABU purely for saying "... if we do get pregnant...".

I'd be completely and utterly livid, if it makes you feel better. YANBU. She sounds like a right pain in the arse.

Do you ever get the chance to talk to her without loads of people around?

Let me guess, DP's sister is the baby of the family and has always been spoilt, coddled and generally gets away with murder?

Don't have anything to say but sympathise and BTW YANBU but can sympathise with the annoying brat of a SIL. I've known mine since she was 10 and she has only JUST got better. And she's nearly 30.

Hard as it is you need to ignore her, ignore them and if necessary tell your DP to tell them to shut the fuck up. If they have any tact or diplomacy then maybe they would realise that when you're TTC it isn't helpful...

vahalla come on. PFB and all that...

I would be livid too. When we were struggling to conceive number 2 I would have decked someone for saying that! As if it isn't stressful enough without everyone asking all the time.

Don't know if there is anything you can say to her though. sounds like she's just a cow and wouldn't care.

You're going to have to learn to ignore her or be sarcastic or something as you're going to be around her for the next 50 years.

Maybe the problem is the family is too 'close' and you're not used to it???

I myself prefer a bit of distance from family - even though dh's family are lovely.

I said it to DP and he was a touch pissed off and texted her, that's how we know she saw the vitamins and jumped to her conclusion. DP hasn't really mentioned it since and neither have I as his sister can be very dramatic if they have a falling out and make the entire family's life a misery.

Was pulling the OP's leg Mercedes.

CoraBear, the dignified response is probably to ignore her, as others have suggested. Personally, I'd wait til I saw her alone or ring her and tell her that her comments may well have been made in jest but that I found them embarassing/unpleasant/however you care to put it, and that I don't want her to make personal remarks about me again.

That way, you've cleared the air, stated your case so she is in no doubt of how you feel and have given her the opportunity to apologise and ensure that in future she doesn't speak out of turn. My reasoning is that if you ignore it, it may well happen again and you will be forever feeling awkward and worried when in her company.

Ah vahalla you outed me as a newbie. Am now writing out 20 times "WE do not get pregnant I get pregnant."

Mercedes-she is the baby, she is spoilt rotton and generally can throw tantrums at the drop of a hat.

Laurie-I have to say, my family are very close, we see each other every day and what not, but we don't tolerate bad behaviour. If you're acting like a dickhead you get peole telling you so. DP's family tend to be very nicey-nicey even when they want to throttle each other. I'm not used to that aspect of it.