to not force dd to go to db's wedding tomorrow?

[tittybangbang]

Short history of my relationship with SIL (who was actually my db's partner when I wrote the post below, but who will become his wife tomorrow):

here

dd is now 10 and very hormonal. She's picked up on the fact that SIL doesn't like her or us and has now decided that she's not going to he wedding tomorrow. I have said she ought to come for the sake of my mum, who dotes on her and will want her there to cheer her up (my dad died a few months ago and being with my dd is one of the few things that makes my mum happy at the moment). But no - she's adamant that it's hypocritical for her to go as she hates future SIL for the way shes treated her and me over the years.

I'm tempted to let her stay at home, partly because we'll have a huge hysterical fight on our hands if we try to force her, and right now I just can't take it. Am also a bit tempted to tell db the truth about why dd hasn't come, which I know is not a nice thing to do on his wedding day.

What to do, what to do........

Oh, something else mumsnetters... Is it really shite of me to wear a black dress to a July wedding? It's a silk one from Monsoon and very pretty, but very plain. Will I look like I'm in mourning for my brother's lost future?

I'd make DD go and wear a brighter dress, sorry.

You should both go and be the bigger pair.
Teach your dd how to rise above it for the sake of your lovely grandma and dedicate the day to her.
10 year olds

What about if I mix a bit of pink in? Pink shoes? Pink flower pinned to my dress? Silver shoes?

Oh gawd, I know you're right, but I really don't have anything else to wear. I'm so bloody fat at the moment I can't get into half my clothes...

at your brother's lost future!

I'm sure you will look very pretty in the dress

My DD is ten and she has enough problematic peer stuff for my liking without dysfunctional family issues to deal with. Can you not shield her from it all?

And dd is positively DEMONIC at the moment.

Like a mix of Kevin the teenager and Vickie Pollard........ with a bit of Basil Brush thrown in for good measure.

Pink and silver will brighten the outfit up, yes.

I bloody well hate having to buy clothes for weddings so make sure you will wear the accessories again.

i think you should go with your dd and get her to learn a major lesson in life. family matters. even if we dislike them. they are still family. ( maybe i could pick up some grammar tips along the way?)
i would happily wear black. but depends on culture of family. if you are querying it, then its a definite no no.

Thankyou Milady (lol)

We should shield dd more, but she's like a heat seeking missile when it comes to family gossip - loves a good moan and a bitch and is constantly ear wigging on adult conversations.

Dress the dress up with colour pinks fine then do as mamas12 said being the bigger person is an important lesson to learn.
Plus think of your mum she'll be sad your dads not there without you two being AWOL as well.
Hope its not as bad as you think.

Ow just read the earlier thread, I remember this. You DEF have to go do not give her any amunition (not that she seems to need any). Plus your brother really needs to grow a pair - Im saying that as someone with a BIL who's GF is just like your future SIL (God I hope mine never get married, too permanant a thought)

It's only dd who wouldn't be going. Would send her round to her cousin's. I am dreading going but will paste a smile on and try to be happy for them.

Thats ok I supposfamilies are never easy are they.

If it were me I'd commend my DD on being aware of the situation (I doubt all 10 year olds would pick up on such things) but I'd try to convince her that though she's perfectly entitled to her feelings, more people will be hurt (her nan and presumably uncle).

Tell her that a wedding day isn't a good day to air grievances if only as she'll be remembered for "ruining their wedding day".

As for you, black is fine, dress it up and look hot!

I think I'd respect dd's opinion and not force her to go.

She could always be 'ill'...

i agree with above. if it is too much hassle and worry to get her to go, i would go along with the illness route if only for the day so that their day isnt ruined/your mum isnt upset.

you will need to think through what to say afterwards though because it sounds like dd aint going to play ball on this one- unless you could ham up to her about your mums feelings and agree that she cant go as long as she agrees to a political illness.

oh and deff wear black- it will look great at evening reception- try to get into the centre of every group photo!!!!!

I would make DD go for your Mums sake - it will be good for DD to learn about empathy. Weddings are very hard when you have just lost a much loved husband, your DD should do all she can to ease that pain for your Mum.

Wear the dress if you feel good in it.

I would rather not have gone to my brothers wedding - he's married a right cow, but it would have really upset my parents if I hadn't, so I stuck a smile on & did it. If I'd had a black dress that fit I'd have worn it = I was in mourning for his future!!