to want DH to not make a fuss

[DJC1]

My son plays in a local cricket side - he is 14. He has played for a couple of seasons. He turns up every week for training (even one night when England were playing footie and there were about three others there). Anway a couple of times the manager of the team has asked him to be 12th man(for those not into cricket this is a sub but very rarely plays unless someone gets seriously injured).

The first time he asked he spoke to me and said that he knew my DS was really keen but it was an important match and that he had asked a couple of lads from the other side that they run to play to ensure a win. I felt a bit miffed but asked DS who said OK. Didn't say to him or my DH that he had in effect been dropped as knew he would be upset (especially my DH).

Anyway this week my DH answered the phone to manager and the same happened again. DS agreed to be 12th man and manager said that he had drafted in two lads from the other side as if they won the match they would win the league. DS was OK about this but DH was fuming and said to me that it wasn't fair that DS was being dropped to make way for lads from another team. Obviously DS then picked up on this which is what I was trying to avoid. We went to the match and they lost which was quite amusing really as the lads brought in did not play well.

Thankfully the manager was not there as DH sat there for the whole of the match with a face like thunder and is now threatening to speak to the manager to say he feels he should stick with the same squad through thick and thin.

DS is an average player, bowls OK and always takes a couple of wickets - he is better than some and not so good as some of the others. Don't get me wrong I am under no illusions that he is the next Kevin Pietersen but I do feel sorry for him and feel he is being used a bit.

Anyway, I don't feel we should say anything to the manager as I don't think it will achieve anything and just put DS under pressure when he next plays but DH says he wants to say something.

It's the last match next week (now a must win match to win the league) so I feel we should see if he is picked and go along and say nothing. DS has now said if he asked to be 12th man again he is going to say he is not available.

I hate confrontation and can see my DH's point of view but am not sure if it's wise to say anything. It's all meant to be a bot of fun and it's now making me stressed!

the manager's attitude sucks.
I would make a fuss.

well someone has to be 12th man, but dont agree with manager drafting in players to make sure they win. Clearly doesnt work anyhow!YANBU, I would be annoyed.

Oh your poor DS - I would totally make a fuss - what the manager is doing is appalling - and sounds a bit unethical to me ? do all the teams do this? If your DS is a member of this squad ? and shows up and try?s hard he should get to play ? find another team with a better manager

I think your DH has the right idea - you play with the team you have, otherwise why are these 'better' players that he drafts in, not in his team? Not fair on your DS if he is so committed and others aren't.

The managers attitude is terrible. They are children ffs not the national team! I would have a quiet word with the manager...if he doesn't ever intend to let your DS play then you would be better off tryng to find him a different team I guess.

I agree with your DH and others here.

The most important lesson you can teach your son is fairness and loyalty - that's far more important than winning.

So tell your son to tell the manager (if he is asked to be 12th man again) thank you very much but I'd rather not play on a side that values success over integrity.

Appalling team 'management' and I would be furious too. Realistically though, good feeling will probably never be restored.
The manager is a selfish arrogant tosser but don't expect him to change.
I know my son would mind very much but pretend not to.

I agree with your DH, I would probably say to the manager (after the match) that I don't think it's right to do what he is doing and that boys who turn up every week to practice should be the ones who are playing - regardless of whether they will win or not. If he wants a 'better' team he should pick it at the start of the season and not expect the others to do the practice and not get the games, it's not fair.

I think I would say to DS that it is important to go to support the other team members, it's the last match - so to 'see the season out' kind of thing.

YANBU to want your husband not to make a fuss. If your son is 14 I would say it is up to him to make a fuss if he wants and not if he doesn't want and everyone else should keep out of it but be supportive of him when he makes his own decision.

Surely if he's 12th man he can't bowl or bat anyway though - I thought it was fielding only.

Is he likely to be picked to play actually in the team in the future or do you think he'd be happier in a different team?

I have coached and played football all my life and that is an appalling way to run any team. Players should only be drafted in when they are necessary due to a shortage.
He'll find his team disappearing very quickly as players who are looked over for the important matches will soon realise this and feel no obligation to show up to training or for the inconvenient matches where nothing is at stake.
It goes team members who train -> team members who don't train regularly but do train occassionally -> team members who don't train/ drafts.

Thanks for your views. We are going next week regardless if he plays as I have stressed it is important to support his team mates. Will then suss out a smaller club for next season. It all seems a bit cliquey (spelling?) though. You try to have conversations with other parents ( the few that turn up) and you can see them clamming up. MY DB and SIL have experienced this at their son's rugby and football. The few that know the club people socially or well seem to be in with the "in crowd". Puts me right off.