to think a cleaner may not be the answer

[homebirthmummy4]

sorry for the long post

i have 4 children, 3 of which are older (between 12 and 15) and one is just 5 weeks old.

i am struggling to keep the cleaning to my level of cleanliness (yes, i can be quite fussy but i am more relaxed now, can let it go a little while, then i get stressed and grumpy when i see the dust). we are very lucky to live in a big six bed house over 3 floors but it does involve a lot of cleaning. my housekeeping plan involves approx. 3 hours a day to keep it spick and span.

dh works really hard and is very supportive toward me, does what he can to help and older children also work very hard at school and with homework, they also help with kitchen duties including cooking (from scratch) whenever i am feeding or exhausted, so i am reluctant to ask my family for any more help.

dh has asked me to look for a cleaner, for my benefit, he doesnt mind the house as it is, he does mind me being grumpy though.

i find it hard to meet new people though and dont know where to look, what to look for.i dont even know how much of the cleaning i should ask them to do. i have a suspicion i will want to clean the house before a cleaner gets here. i am thinking the process of having a stranger in my house will be really awkward for me and sometime in the future i might want to not have them and wont know how to tell them.

i think part of the problem stems from me choosing to be a SAHM, (which i know is right for me and i am very glad to be in a position to do that) i feel a bit guilty about it tbh, a bit like i should be contributing more to both the family's and society's budget. i know that sooner or later i will be back in full swing and managing it all, but at the moment i am not coping with everything and that is a big problem.

my expectations of me seem to be much bigger than everyone else's expectations of me.

so, the dreaded question, AIBU or am i being just plain deluded and should give in.

can you get them in as a one off, maybe once a month or every two?

Get an agency in - much easier to then terminate the contract if you want to.

Also - they'll normally send a couple of people and do it quickly - you can just go out for coffee when they're cleaning.

And lordy - do not feel guilty. I'm a sahm and I have a cleaner still do bloody loads of housework/laundry etc though.

3 hours housekeeping a day sounds like a lot when you have a 5 week old. Without wanting to sound rude, there is also a bit gap between your last 2 children. You have got used to having enough time to do eveything the way you want it. That time just isn't there anymore (at least, at the moment)

Your role as a mother to your children is incredibly important, and one which shouldn't be understimated. If your dh is happy for you to have a cleaner, why don't you think about having one for a few months until your baby is a little older. You could make it clear from the outset that it is a short-term arrangement. If you think you will worry about telling someone that you don't need them anymore, then go through an agency so that you have that discussion with the agency, rather than with the person who comes to clean.

Could you consider having someone just to do the "heavy" cleaning, such as the kitchen, bathrooms and sitting room?

I have very high expectations of myself, except where cleaning is concerned . I hate cleaning and am very bad at it.

I work 2 days per week, but have always had a cleaner, even when I was on maternity leave.

I tidy before she comes, so that she can get at all the surfaces etc. to clean. I also tend to try and be out of the house when she comes, just so she can get on and clean without me being in the way.

I have cleaned in the past, most cleaners expect you to just staighten up your personal belongings, so we can clean easily. We like to be told exactly how you like it, and myself, never mind if it is a temporary or permanent post. Sounds like you are giving yourself a really hard time, I have a two year old, and struggle to keep on top of the housework!!

big gap

I agree with tracybath - even though I have a cleaner once a week, I still do lots of housework and laundry. Having a cleaner just lightens the load, meaning I can enjoy spending time with my dd, and not argue with my dh!

We have a cleaner once a week and we are immensely happy with the level of cleanliness. My partner is pretty fussy when it ocmes to cleanliness and I am a bit of a hygiene obsessed too, so the road to finding a cleaner that does honest and hard work for the money was actually pretty bumpy.
There was one instance where when we supsected that she didn't even do half of the time she was being paid for and we caught her red handed and confronted her about it and her cleaning involved rearranging things on tables and surfaces so it all looks neater, rather than lifting up the rugs and properly cleaning stuff, she left us 2 pages worth of hate filled writing telling us what bad people we are and how she is a victim!

anyway, we now have a romanian girl who cleans exactly how she would clean if it were her own house. And couldn't be happier!

I suggest you ask your friends for a recommendation and try it out once or twice (make it clear to the cleaner that htis is a one off job). see how you feel. so stop feeling like you are commiting and it will all be ok

I also recommend an agency.

Totally agree with Traceybath - get an agency. No need to feel bad if it isn't a long-term arrangement, and it's all a lot less personal.

YANBU, by the way - your house sounds enormous, and having a tiny baby is very time consuming. And I believe teenagers make a lot of mess.

Use an agency

Don't worry about not contributing to society, by employing a cleaner you are employing someone and a lot of people are desperate for work right now

just to update. called an agency, trying out once a fortnight, four hours, general dust and hoover,bathrooms, kitchen. thanks for advice everyone

Oh that sounds great! Try it fortnightly, but move to weekly if you enjoy it!