To think my Dad shouldn't think I'll steal from him?

[muggglewump]

I went to see my Dad today, to teach him how to do online shopping.
I could go on all day about my Dad and his weirdness but I won't.
In this case, he just didn't get it, so I said I'd do his shop online whenever he wanted, if he just gave me his card details.
He absolutely refused, and almost accused me of wanting to steal his money!

Why, why would I do that.

The outcome is that I am paying for his shopping, and he'll give me the money back.

I have very little money, but that doesn't mean I steal, and sometimes I might not have the money to pay, even though my Dad will pay me back.

I'm upset.

You know it might not be you personally. More that he's worried about the security of his details just being 'out there' in internet world/your laptop etc - especially as you had to go an teach him how to internet shop. Sounds like a bit of a fear he's got.

don't be upset. people are much more open about money and things like that these days than they used to be

your dad comes from an era where is was absolutely the norm not to give people your bank details and stuff. and to be fair he is quite within his rights not to want to do so

YABU - only the cardholder is allowed to have the pin.

He sounds like my grandad=he has an email account but will not open any attachments, even from me. I cannot send him any pics of my DD because he gets in such a panic. He calls me when I try and moans about me trying to send him viruses! Why on earth would I or how even could i? He also covers his monitor with a blanket because he thinks that hackers can get your details through it. It's paranoia born out of deep misunderstanding. It's not personal, just try to accept that sometimes these things just wont work, the gap is too large.

You dont need the pin to do online shopping, just the card.
OP, dont take it personally. My dad is exactly the same. If he wants to do anything online, he will ring me to do it. He just doesnt want his card details on the web. (Hes not that bothered about mine though!)

He made references to DD, who had been stealing money.
I dealt with it, it was a hard time for us but we've come through it.
DD couldn't have stolen from him anyway!

I'm, just gutted that I have to help him again, and he has no trust in me at all.

If you really do think that he doesn't trust you and it isn't just fears about internet security, then I think you should let him do his own shopping and explain why. It wouldn't hurt for him to know that you are upset by this.

Oh yes it is just that he thinks I will do off with his money.
I have no idea why.

I'll do it though. do his shopping and then he'll pay me back.

I just hope Asda are OK when I do his shopping, because if they aren't, it is me getting blamed.
That's unfair right?

I think you are being very kind. You are doing him a favour, so if he is unappreciative I really do think you should consider not doing it or at least talking to him and letting him know how you feel.

Sorry, I wasn't online yesterday and have just come back to this now I have time to sit down for a bit.

It's not that he doesn't want his details online. The whole point of him buying a laptop was so he could shop online for whatever he needs.
He walks with two sticks now and although he still drives, when he's ill it would be great for him to be able to shop from home.

He just doesn't want me to have his card details and did hint at me stealing from him and at DD who has stolen from me.

I won't even have the pin for his card, and if I stole, which I never would, he'd know when he checked his statement, and DD couldn't steal as his money won't be in the house, and she doesn't know how to use a card, wouldn't have a password and it'd be locked away with my purse.

I'm really upset by him but he overreacts to everything and is so negative I don't want to talk to him about it.
He'd probably never speak to me again.

Yes but it was money, not card details. She's 8 and doesn't know how to use a card.

I also now have a safe where all the money and cards go, and my Dad's details would go there.

It was more me he was being funny about though, and I have no idea why, I've never stolen from him or anyone else and I'm trying to do him a favour.

Now, he'll have to drive to town and either put the money in my bank, or drop it off with me.

When he's ill he won't be able to, and I can't afford to not get the money back within a couple of days, so basically I can't do his shopping for him when he's ill.

If he gives me the card details, he just has to call me and I'll get whatever he wants delivered to his house.

It's a generation thing I think. My gran is 87 and is only recently geting to grips with a debit card and since her operation at christmas (Cdiff riddled digestive system means she now has no bowel left ) she has my aunt get the shopping using her card and her pin number. She feels very "hi tec dear"

On the other hand an equally elderly lady I served at work recently had a fit when I suggested she use her card to pay by simply entering her pin number as we no longer accept cheques. She seemed to think I was trying to con her lol.

I honestly don't think it's that, My Dad knows how technology works and knows it's safe, he just doesn't trust me.

I know on the sainsburys website you can ask it to remember your card details for next time, so you don't have to enter them each time you shop. if your dad did this you wouldn't be able to see his card details as the number just shows as a series of stars. would he go for that do you think? bit unreasonable of him to expect you to always have enough cash available to pay for his shop imo.....

Mugglewump has he read alot of truelife style magazines with titles like "My DD cleaned me out of life savings"? or is he is paranoid fullstop?

Not paranoid, just negative and weird with money, even though he's quite wealthy.

He phoned me just after Christmas last year, and asked if I wanted a table and chairs, as I didn't have any. I said yes, and thank you(in a drawn out way, making sure he was happy to buy them and making sure he know how grateful I was).
He asked if I wanted the dark or light wood, I said light and he took the huff because he liked the dark better.
He still goes on about the dark wood and acts like I did something wrong because I chose the wrong colour.

We went out for a meal a few weeks back. Me, DD, my brother and SIL and nephew.
I kid you not, he spent most of the meal complaining about the cost, and saying how the kids shouldn't have a choice, and be told what they are having.

He then got really arsey because I let DD choose a pudding from the main menu, instead of making her have the Ice Cream that came with her cheapo kids meal.

He also got sniffy because my nephew had more than one drink.

Seriously, your Dad is being really rude. He won't give you his card details, but expects you to possibly put yourself out of pocket/over the overdraft limit to help him?

You need to be firm with him: tell him that you want to help, but explain that you can't afford to pay for the shopping as - even though you know he'll pay you back - you don't have enough money in the account to take it. So either you can sit down together and he can learn how to do it for himself, or he has to give you the card details. And if he starts saying/hinting that he thinks you're after his money, just say out loud, "That's really rude. Why would you think I would steal from you? I'm very hurt."

He'll never speak to me again if I do that.
It's so weird.
I appreciate he was brought up in poverty, and given that he's 85, it was poverty like I'll never know, but does that excuse his weirdness with money?

And I'd never steal from him, never. He has no reason to think that. I've always done what I can for him.
I spent £150 visiting him in hospital last year, and that was my whole savings.