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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect the nursery to be honest?

30 replies

OTTMummA · 15/07/2010 19:35

am furious right now as DH has come home to say that i was told by DS's key worker that the nursery would be closed tomorrow and because DS isn't going on the nursery trip to a local park that we have to make other arrangements.

Firstly i was never told this, at all, i have a near perfect memory for most things, but have an unbeatable memory for anything to do with DS, and i can not recall even a hint of this being mentioned last week.

secondly, they didn't mention on the return slip or info board that they wouldn't be open and that if any child wasn't coming that they would not be able to attend nursery.

so now DH has to have a day off tomorrow unpaid, whereas if we had been told a week or so previous he could of easily taken it off as holiday and would of been paid.

AIBU in thinking they should have someone there to look after children not going on a trip etc
and that they should bloody well not lie about what they have told us etc and that they should either pay for my husbands missed wage that day or give a free day of care to us in exchange.

I can't actually believe they have done this and also lied about telling me about it too.

what can i do?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 15/07/2010 19:43

I know what you mean - there's no way I'd forget something like that either.

I don't know what you can do about it this time really, as I am sure they will just keep reiterating that you were told. I would tell the manager though, that you are not happy about the lack of communication or the fact that they are closed for the day to children not attending the trip.

Can I ask why you wouldn't let your DS go on the trip?

[How is your DH being about this? Is he supporting you or complaining that you should have remembered??]

mumbar · 15/07/2010 19:44

Difficult one.

Why is DS not going on the trip?? If you have said no and all others are going then it may be that there ratios are out. eg I child dtays with 1 staff member means the other 2 key children to that staff member has no care when out iyswim. They may also have a rule where there have to be 2 members of staff in the building to protect staff.

YANBU to expect prior notice of this tho.

Original poster
OTTMummA · 15/07/2010 19:58

DH knows i would of remembered this as i would of gone on and on at him to remember as he picks him up and drops him off.

He is pissed off because now he has to go unpaid for a day.
when it could of easily been avoided.

DS isn't going on the trip because MIL asked months ago if she could take him to the same place with his cousin etc who have both never been, she wanted to take him for the first time, and tbh im fine with that.
She is taking them in a few weeks so we said no.
Even that aside, they should make sure they have some workers available for children that arn't going.
I didn't think many would go as its quite expensive ( if the parent goes aswell )

I can understand the ratio reasoning mumbar, and wouldn't want them to do anything illegaly etc, but they should off said something, but i think they must of forgotten and just tried to cover their backs saying they had told me etc.

Im still angry,, i won't let this drop, the rudness of lying about telling me has really got to me.

if so we just won't pay for 1/5th of the week next week.

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 15/07/2010 20:00

Hmmm, well I also have an obsessive memory about things to do with my DC but I also have at times got things "wrong". Obviously the nursery were not clear enough about their arrangements and that is something they can improve on. Are you sure you read what ever information sheet you got "properly" - I know I can be guilty of reading something and "assuming" based on no evidence.

Did you talk to your child's keyworker at all about the trip? I'm wondering if they made some comment such as "other arrangments need to be made for children not going on the trip" and you misinterpreted as the nursery having to make the other arrangements rather than you.

I find it very odd that the nursery would just lie to you - it's not in their interest to mislead parents.

Original poster
OTTMummA · 15/07/2010 20:07

We have known about this trip for over a month, and i even told the manager that he wouldn't be going because of said reason over 2 weeks ago, she never mentioned it then, and no one has mentioned it again until today.
When DH picked him up and when asked what DS was doing tomorrow and DH responded ' well he is here tomorrow - confused ' then she kept saying well the nursery is closed tomorrow etc, and DH saying well sorry we wern't told etc, and then the key worker phoning manager etc, then DH got told by the manager that the other worker in DS room had aparently told me last week etc.

Im sure they thought we knew, some reason i don't know why, but we DEFINATLEY were not told, in any form at all.

OP posts:
mumbar · 15/07/2010 20:36

Yes I'm the same about remebering everything and low and behold I turn up for a rehersal with ds when letter says 3pm as they forgot to tell me/give me letter about the change of time to 1.30pm. Point is the info was there I just didn't have it!!!

juneybean · 15/07/2010 20:53

How old is he? If he's 3 and receiving his free entitlement, surely they shouldn't be withdrawing care just because he's not going on the trip.

mumbar · 15/07/2010 20:57

I do find it wrong they are closing if its a private day nursey actually - that thought has just crossed my (rather slow) mind

WidowWadman · 15/07/2010 21:03

"How old is he? If he's 3 and receiving his free entitlement, surely they shouldn't be withdrawing care just because he's not going on the trip. "

They're not withdrawing care - OP choses not to send him onto the trip. Should they cancel it for all the other children just because she's precious about when it's going to be his first time?

EvilTwins · 15/07/2010 21:05

You need to calm down. Yes, it's annoying, but I really do take exception to you insisting that you have been lied to. What seems to have happened is a mistake - either on your part (and sorry, but bleating on about how you never forget anything is just plain stupid. Everyone is susceptible to mistakes) or the nursery's. Lying means that they deliberately and maliciously are telling you something which is not true, and that's quite clearly not the case.

You are quite obviously pissed off because your DH has to take an unpaid day, and yes, I would be too, but if you are the only parent who is in this position (ie didn't know that the nursery would be closing because of the trip) then I really do think it's a case of a mistake, or a miscommunication, not that you are being lied to.

Lilyloo · 15/07/2010 21:11

Therefore it is a mistake on either your or nursery part.
I don't think anyone has lied justt cross messages.
Is there anyway you could renage and let ds go tom and then dh could work ?
Am not sure a 3 year old will care whether it is his first time or remember when going with his gran ?

Avantia · 15/07/2010 21:30

Does it have to be your DH that takes day off if he is not going to get paid ? cant you take day off ?

prozacfairy · 15/07/2010 21:58

I'd be a bit pissed off too, but really you need to calm down. You forgot or whatever

Shame your DH is having to take unpaid day off but not end of the world.

Original poster
OTTMummA · 15/07/2010 22:15

please don't start the precious shite,
Im keeping him off to make MIL happy more than anything.
But,,,
That has nothing to do with it, he is my child, i can choose wether he goes or not based on whatever circs, i bet you wouldn't mention being Precious if i said we couldn't afford it!
DS will not be going because we had already decided as such and wasn't told that he wouldn't be allowed at nursery,
I know people make mistakes, but seriously we haven't been told about him not being able to attend unless he attended the day out.
we would of gladly arranged something else if they had actually told us

They have lied though haven't they, saying they told me, when i know dam well they didn't.
Im not paying for the day as it is acutually their fault for not being clear in communication.
Ive got the letter infront of me now and it says bugger all about it being closed etc.

its my money being wasted for their mistake, so it is a big deal to me, im glad you have
so much money you can disregard £50 a time!
I can't take a day off paid either and as he works fewer hours tomorrow normaly it makes sense for him to do it.

OP posts:
EvilTwins · 15/07/2010 22:19

They haven't lied to you. There has been a breakdown in communication. Either you or the nursery has made a mistake.

Get over it. And next time, be a bit more organised - ask a few more questions. If you were saying that there were half a dozen of you in the same position, I'd be far more sympathetic, but it seems to be just you, which really does seem to support the POV that it's a mistake - maybe even your mistake.

No one is lying to you, OP. Two people recalling the same event in different ways does not constitute lying.

hocuspontas · 15/07/2010 22:25

I think I'd lay the blame firmly at DH's door You say he does the pick up etc. I bet they said something about it and he just wasn't listening!

Agree with others though. They haven't lied to you, they genuinely believe they told you about the closure.

maryz · 15/07/2010 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cocobongo · 15/07/2010 23:07

Disagree with everyone else. You are paying for your child to go to nursery. So the nursery should be open for you. The trip is something over and above what you are already paying for- the bare minimum they should provide is care for your child at the nursery.

And also agree with you that the lying is actually more infuriating than the lack of childcare.

macdoodle · 15/07/2010 23:56

Dont post in AIBU if you cant take it, am chuckling now at your incoherent ranting now more than anything else

womblingfree · 16/07/2010 00:00

Have you had you invoice for this month yet and if so have you checked whether or not you are being charged?

CaptainKirksNipples · 16/07/2010 00:08

Shit reason for not letting him go on trip tbh and the resulting mess in childcare arrangements. Who gives a fuck what MIL thinks? I don't

Could you maybe ask if he can be looked after in the baby room?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 16/07/2010 00:28

Tbh I think it was a bit weird to not let him go on the basis that MIL wanted to take him somewhere for the first time.

But, IMO it is the responsibility of the nursery to ensure that all parents are aware if the premises is going to be shut for the day. We don't use any childcare as I'm at home with DS, but in your position I would have expected this kind of info to be included in a letter not just communicated verbally.

sevenkeystomysoul · 16/07/2010 00:51

DD's nursery had a beach trip today, DD didn't go because we had to be somewhere else very shortly after I would normally have picked her up from nursery, and with the extra time getting back from the beach, changing etc, it wouldn't have worked out for us. I didn't expect her nursery to have remained open just because I had decided she wasn't going on the trip. In fact, I would have been concerned if this had been the case because it would have lessened the carer to child ratio on the trip (and future trips that DD will attend). I think closing the nursery when the majority of children are on a day trip is probably the right thing to do. So, in that repect, YABU to expect the nursery to be run for one child's/parent's needs. YANBU if the nursery didn't inform you in advance though, although, from my own experience, DD's nursery always puts letters in the children's bags about trips, dates etc, and backs this up with a big whiteboard outside the nursery doors. I do find it a little hard to believe that any nursery would rely solely on key workers communicating these things verbally with the parents/carers/whoever is dropping off/picking up child. Dropping off/picking up time is always chaos, and there's way too much margin for error.

redskyatnight · 16/07/2010 08:41

I am guessing you had a letter along the lines of:

Dear Parent/Carer
On Friday, 15th July we wil be having a trip to very-lovely-local-park. Please drop your child off at the main entrance of the park at 9am and collect them from the same place at 5pm. If the weather is hot, please apply sun cream to your child before they arrive and ensure that they have a hat. Staff will reapply sun cream during the day. All children also need to bring a packed lunch in a clearly named bag and hand it over to staff on their arrival. The cost of the trip is £x. Please return payment and the attached permission slip by xyz date.

the thing is that the nursery probably run an end of trip EVERY year (maybe even to this park). And they probably expect every child to go as there is no particular reason for them not to. Yes, your letter doesn't explicitly say "the nursery will be closed on that day so you either come on the trip or make your own arrangements" because to the nursery staff it is blatantly obvious that they are expecting all children and staff to go. And tbh (perhaps because my children are a bit older than nursery age and have had a few trip letters of this ilk and they generally cover "exception" cases) I actually WOULD ASSUME FROM THIS LETTER that there was no provision for non-trip attending children. At the very least I would have gone in and asked.

And as for being lied to ... well either you've forgotten or your keyworker thinks she said something but she didn't or (IMO) quite likely, the keyworker has said something along the lines of "Of course you know that we are all out for the trip to the park on the 15th". And you've said yes, you do know and not really thought beyond the surface of her words. Granted keyworker has not explicitly said "so there will be no one in nursery" but I would suggest that in her head she HAS told you that nursery is shut on that day, just not in so many words.

I'm actually rather surprised that you didn't check with the nursery well in advance what would happen to your DS on trip day (Personally I'd rather have kept my child at home than send them to nursery for some sort of non-standard type care with none of their usual peers)

sapphireblue · 16/07/2010 08:43

can you change your mind and send him on the trip?