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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Argh, don't know what to do :(

25 replies

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 19:25

We are due to go to a big family event around three hours drive away this weekend. As background, DH works very long hours in a demanding job, and we have two small children. This week, DH will have worked late Wednesday and Thursday, and on Friday, will go and collect hire car straight after long work day, we will load up car, and drive after 7pm [when kids should be on their way to sleeping]. We are both very sleep deprived in general, from the kids, and DH from the long hours he works, and we cope with this by going to bed early.

The realisation has hit me that i'm really, really nervous about DH driving us on a long journey tomorrow night when he's so tired. He's a good driver, but out of the swing of it as we don't currently have a car [I don't drive btw, so sharing driving not an option].

What the hell do we do now? It'll be a disaster in the family if we miss this event, but I just feel sick at the thought of this journey now - like we're putting our kids at risk. Maybe i'm being irrational because i'm not a driver, and I don't feel that i'd be fit to drive at night at the moment, so I wonder how DH can be. I'm really annoyed that he didn't plan this better - for example, organise a day off before we go away, so that he's a bit more rested.

I'm expressed my concerns, and DH is pretty pissed off with me. But am i being crazy and unreasonable, or am i right to be concerned about whether my kids will be safe?

Argh, one of those situations where both alternatives are just awful

OP posts:

madamebovine · 15/07/2010 19:26

Why not go on Saturday morning?

traceybath · 15/07/2010 19:27

Just make a flask of coffee, keep chatting to him and keep the car cool.

Am sure he'll be fine and if he is really too tired - could you get up and go early on saturday?

bigstripeytiger · 15/07/2010 19:27

Could you leave very early Sat am instead?

Lilyloo · 15/07/2010 19:29

Tbh driving and arriving at 10pm is hardly driving through the night.
I would just make sure dh has good nights sleep the night previously and takes time to have an evening meal and a strong coffee before you set off.
Also if you stay awake whilst he is driving and chat to him you can gage how tired he is and suggest a stop at a services.

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 19:29

Thanks all, DH really doesn't want to drive during the day, as the kids are unused to being in a car, and have cried non-stop for hours when we've tried daytime driving before. Even DH admits that would be too distracting!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2010 19:29

Is it possible for him to have a power nap before he drives? He can always have another if he feels the need on the way (when you've stopped obviously ).

madamebovine · 15/07/2010 19:31

Agree with Agent ZigZag. Stopping for a power nap if necessary is always an option. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 19:33

Lilyloo, i know, in typical circumstances it would all be perfectly normal, but it's really late for us as we're always in bed by 9pm because our kids have us up at daybreak all the time [but that's another moan altogether].

And the whole point is that he's working late tonight, and has to start extra early tomorrow in order to get out of work at a decent hour on Friday - so won't be able to get that decent night's sleep tonight. It's basically, three massive long days, and three rubbish nights sleep, leading up to a big drive at night when we'd noramlly be tucked up in bed.

Of course, am more than happy to chat and keep him awake - but it was when he asked me to go to the shop and stock up on red bull/sweets that i started to get uneasy.

Gahhh.

OP posts:

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 19:35

AgentZigzag - thank you, you really made me laugh!! Yes, that's a good idea, thanks madamebovine too. TBH, i'm thinking the only, last ditch option is for DH to cry off work early and come home for some sleep. I'm really, really unhappy about him doing that as his work record is pretty spotless and sickies are not his style, but we've committed to this trip. However, at the same time, i just can't bear the idea of him driving our kids while knackered. Maybe this will teach him to plan more carefully next time...

OP posts:

missedith01 · 15/07/2010 19:35

Could you persuade him to stop after each hour for a coffee and a bit of fresh air? It would extend the journey time but might help and give you peace of mind.

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 19:40

That's a good idea too actually, thank you

OP posts:

Egg · 15/07/2010 19:43

i had to do this recently driving around the same time for nearly 3hrs and was a bit nervous about it. I ate a small meal and had a red bull and altho i was tired i never once felt like i couldn't concentrate or would fall asleep at the wheel. I also normally go to bed v early too! Dont bank on kids sleeping tho. Mine cried for two of the three hours!

AgentZigzag · 15/07/2010 19:44

I don't drive either, and it is sometimes a bit hair raising to watch someone else drive (esp on the overtaking, DH is used to me white-knuckle-clutching the armrest on my door ).

I've also been in a car a couple of times with the same person when he's fallen asleep at the wheel luckily the rumble strip woke them up.

Try and get your DH to assure you that if he feels the tiredness taking over he'll pull over and not try to fight it. Like you say, your DC are good for keeping his mind focused on what he's doing as he wont risk any harm coming to them, or you.

mummytime · 15/07/2010 19:51

Put the air con on super cool. Take lively music. If he feels tired, he must promise to stop.

Egg · 15/07/2010 19:56

Egg · 15/07/2010 20:01

sorry am using crap phone not sure what happened there...

EmmaBemma · 15/07/2010 20:08

If it's an unusual journey for him, especially if he hasn't driven for a bit, I'm sure the adrenaline will keep him alert. He'll probably be a bit worried about the journey too (especially now you've told him your fears!) which is a good thing, it will mean he concentrates.

3 hours really isn't all that long, and as it's summer you'll have some level of daylight for most of the journey - I find driving in the dark much more disorientating.

Lilyloo · 15/07/2010 20:28

Maybe then if 9 is your usual bedtime aim to stop for coffee , red bull then !

moocowmrs · 15/07/2010 20:41

We also do these sort of crazy only way to get away drives ! I enjoy the night time ones when the kids are asleep, DH and I chat about all sorts and get ontop of lots of things planning etc, DH also works long hours and early mornings seven days a week ( he is a dairy farmer) and I thing the excitment of a the event keeps him awake. The other option which we have also done many times is to pack the car got to bed early get up super early, put the kids in the car in their PJs , they may well drop back off and then get where you are going before breakfast !

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 15/07/2010 20:56

Okay, thanks everyone, you've given me good perspective - comforting to hear others have done this - and i will take all your advice re: cool car, stopping for breaks, getting the caffeine in.
Emma - really good point, now that i've put the fear of god in him by being such a stresshead about the whole business, he will probably be fired up with adrenaline!
Thanks very much for advice - good sensible people

OP posts:

Lilyloo · 15/07/2010 21:16

Am sure you will have lovely weekend when you get there.

BrownPaperandString · 15/07/2010 21:28

Don't let him drink more than a can of red bull or he won't get a good night's sleep that night either!!

FakePlasticTrees · 15/07/2010 21:36

keep talking to him, don't fall asleep yourself! Lots of sweets and water as well as red bull/coffee. Keep the car cool and plan at least 1 stop. If you think he won't want to stop for a rest, pretend your bladder is about to explode... get him walking about out of the car on the breaks.

It'll be fine. Driving an hour after you'd normally be in bed is not that late. It's not like a total through the nighter.

Original poster

CoffeeMum · 20/07/2010 09:11

Just wanted to report back and say that i took all your advice [and perspective!] and we made it there and back in one piece, and had a lovely weekend away.
Thanks for all your posts, much appreciated!

OP posts:

Egg · 20/07/2010 17:08

Ah good, I kept wondering how you got on! Glad you had a great weekend. Did the children sleep in the car?

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