To wish colleagues would only do collections for important events

[swanandduck]

My closest friend at work's business is not doing too well at the moment so cash is a bit tight. A couple of other colleagues are in similar situations. They were just saying that it is a bit annoying, if you're watching your last few quid until payday, to feel pressurised into giving a tenner to collections for this, that and the other started by some well meaning colleague. For instance, there was a collection last week for 'Jake's 30th birthday' and the email went around the whole Division, not just Jake's friends, and we were all invited for tea and cakes in the canteen, so everyone felt they had to contribute (a tenner being the going rate). Likewise, someone moved from our corridor to a different division up one flight of stairs and there was another big collection and presentation. We were saying that we wish that big general collections could be confined to important events like Weddings, Retirements or Leaving the Company and presents for other events could be confined to the person's immediate group of colleagues or friends. At the moment, there can sometimes be 2 collections in one week and then another one a couple of weeks later. At the moment I can afford it cashwise but dh's company is not doing as well as it was, so who knows? Am I being unreasonable to agree with my colleagues on this?

Sorry, meant my friend's husband's business is not doing well.

Yanbu

YANBU at all imo. A tenner is fine for collections for the important events but not for birthdays etc.

YANBU.

It also annoys me (irrationally) when you have one colleague who gets engaged - married - have a baby - leave - all of which there is a collection for and then me who had already had all my kids got married and was divorced before I started working fir the organisation so have had no collections at all

We've had a round of redundancies here (47 of them!), so there's collections left right and centre, plus get well cards, retirements and it's been a right year for weddings, babies, etc.

Why do you feel you have to give to all of them? Just don't. There's ten collections going round my building right now, and if it's for someone I barely know, I don't chip in. I've even had people ask me if I'm going to put in for someone and then been shocked when I've said no, on the grounds that I have no idea who they are (there are 260 people working here).

So don't chip in and don't attend the tea and cakes for someone who's not in your department and you don't really know.

And why a tenner each time? Are you rich? I wouldn't consider sticking a note in unless it was a friend of mine or someone I'd worked closely with for some time. If they were a close friend, I'd just be buying them my own present anyway

I only ever give a very small amount to close colleagues. I.e those I would have gone out an purchased a little something to recognise their event anyway (even if there wasn't a whip-around). Birthdays I'd never give for at all as I wouldn't think it natural to go out buying a present to a colleague for that, that would be awkward. And I simply ignore everything other than those three events and everybody beyond my close colleagues! I'm not paid enough for generousity I'm afraid. It doesn't make me a shit colleague though as I always bring in cakes for my birthday and chocs from business trips abroad. Frankly I think a good test of any giving would be if the employer is willing to chip in. If the company isn't contributing why should I? Perhaps we should all just put our foot down?

A tenner for birthdays is too much to expect I think. We put in £3 and that's because we're a small company and with the £3 each we end up with £27 which is enough for either a funny jokey present and card, or a bottle of something or a voucher.

I once also worked somewhere where there was a collection for someone basically moving desks - yes from one dpt to another but still, totally unnecessary (add to that it was for the same colleague who had left the company twice and come back, so she had had two leaving gifts already!).

As it sounds like you're in a big company, I would consider talking to HR about establishing a 'protocol' for gift collections - obviously everybody can be free to give to whoever they want, but the 'expectation' needs to be removed to just immediate team or whatever, and the actual amount given should be moderated anyway. Those who want to splash out on everybody should of course be allowed to, but the financial burden and the obligation on everybody should definitely be lessened IMO.

D

Re the 30th birthday, I had been planning to give a fiver (reluctantly because I don't work directly with the guy), but then someone junior to me handed over a tenner and I felt 'Oh God, it will look really mean now if I just take a fiver out of my purse'. It does all come down to pressure and not wanting to look bad and I agree that a protocol circulated by HR would be a good idea.

Urgh no YDNBU.

I'm not particularly a miser, but I do get fed up of endless collections. In our place they've upped the tea/coffee kitty so a card can be bought for people's birthdays. It's a nice gesture I suppose, but I refuse to be on the birthday list and get the hump when people try to pass the buck on getting the card and making sure everyone signs it.....then you get collections flying round for significant birthdays/leavings/weddings etc.

I think if it was restricted to leaving, big birthdays and perhaps weddings/babies it would actually mean a little more and not be so bloody tiresome tbh.

Don't even get me started on the sponsorship forms, no emails at our place, they'll come round desk to desk..... I go to work to earn money not give it away!!!

This has just reminded me - place i used to work (30 women in one team, very catty) used to have a strict tariff for what you had to give - £5 for a big birthday, £10 for a wedding, etc. Was ridiculous. Now we just have envelope that goes round, no one knows what you put in, so its up to you. Much nicer.

Where the hell do you work? A merchant bank?

There is no way I would put in a tenner. I put in a pound or two, except if it is one of my direct reports, and then I will put in £20.

Just refuse.

In my place of work, we have a kitty for this type of stuff,we each put 50p a week in and when it's someones birthday etc, we take out enough for a bouquet and a card or a bottle of wine etc.

This way everyone gets something, and it really is a manageable amount.

Just need to vote someone to collect the monies etc.

There are loads of collections where I work, some I contribute to, some I don't. But the most I give is £1. YABu to give a tenner just because someone else does, grow a pair!

Forgot to add, at the end of the year there was enough left in the pot to pay for most of the food at the office party, which was a bonus .

We start collecting again in January.

One palce I used to work had a protocol circulated by HR, which was basically everybody put £1 for everybody else. It totalled £35, which is plenty for a work gift, and there was the option at the outset to completely opt out (i.e. not to donate and not to get your own bd present when yours came around), and those people's names were just left off the internal mail circulation list for the collection envelope.

Those who wanted to give more of course could and did.

D

£10 for a work present??! totaly mental. At my work (well, department) we do cards only for birthdays and collections for weddings/babies etc. The collections are done in an envelope, so you can put in whatever you can afford/feel like and no one else knows what you have put in/not. Generally, I would say a couple of quid is plenty, as it all adds up by the time we've all contribute (we are about 20).
Why do grown ups needs presents for their birthday from work anyway?
I would suggest dropping that and giong to a cards/cake-from-kitty situation.
I could not afford £10 for all the bloody birthdays here, and think it's a bit off that the collection is not 'secret' as not everyone is able to contribute.

In fairness, they don't do collections for all birthdays,just one with a nought in them. But still a pain if you're not a close friend of the people.

I think £10 is far too much. At my place, we just bring round an envelope and nobody knows how much we put in.
What makes me angry is when I'm asked to sponsor somebody that I don't know for doing something they enjoy - even though the proceeds are for charity.

10 is way too much, it's a gesture, 2 would be plenty. I think just say it next time, or else start a collection and send an e-mail looking for 2, saying it should be plenty.

I'm sure people would follow your lead.

I get irrationally annoyed by this. People I worked with decided that they would collect for everyones' birthdays and that everyone had to contribute. And that whoever it was then had to organise the next one etc. Why on earth should they force that on adults?? They came round with a tick list to make sure!

On top of that, we were on an academic time frame, so people whose birthdays were in holidays got nothing anyway, it was such a farce.

I also got peed off by dh's work, where he always contributes very generously to these kind of things for weddings, babies, retirements etc, but when we got married last summer we didn't even get a card. Apparently it's because his head of department was leaving so didn't bother to organise it for him. Three staff have got married since then, who we're friends with, and have talked about the very generous present they got from everyone there. It's a bit of a smack in the teeth.

Agree with Hettie on the sponsorship one too - I was always getting asked to sponsor colleagues wifes cousins DC to do sponsored silence.

Worse still requests to sponsor a colleague to swan off to some tropical location under the dubious guise of raising money for charity - forfeit the time it took for the jaunt and work in teh soup kitchens if you really want to do something worthy

[bah humbug]

I work in a large department so there are always collections coming round. The norm is £1 per collection unless it is a close colleague and you want to give more. I would buy something seperately if it were for a direct report of mine anyhow.