To start my own clique and exclude the rest????

[CliqueOff]

My dcs go to a very middle class primary school. It's a Catholic school and so whilst most live in fabulous homes in a nice area some don't. My dcs joined the school in yr2 and so friendships amongst children and parents are already well established.

Over the last year I have tried to make friends and am friendly with everyone, although I am a SAHM with no time for coffee, due to a very active toddler, and (most importantly) dcs are perfectly happy. So in dc1's class there is a large clique of coffee drinking, party going and camp tripping friends. These friends always invite eachother's children to parties and eachother to drinks and camping. I thought I could handle it and had been invited to coffee and parties...but not all, in fact just a couple. After being out of the loop for a while I have been outcast and now just get a hello, not anything else.

I have recently found out in the last three years neither family from the poorer areas have been invited to anything.

So how do I get through the next few years being an outsider, it's never happened before and I feel terrible. I have been a part of a clique before but I was always the one that insisted everyone should be included.

Can't you get the Priest to say something about it?

I was horrified to bump into the clique on the beach the other week. Actually the thought of going camping with all of them and their kids fills me with horror.

Why not get involved with the PTA? Do talk to the other outcasts. Do carry on as if you haven't noticed.

I do ignore the one Mum who once blanked me, and still can't believe the very nice Mummy who once dropped me mid sentence because she saw someone better to talk to (who btw was just as astonished as me). It is worse than my memories of school, without the physical violence.

I just don't get this clique malarky. Are you saying that they don't like you because you're not posh?

Surely if there's a clique, there are people who are not part of it? So YANBU, befriend some of the non-clique and make your own clique

I'm sorry if you feel bad about it, but they don't really matter to you, surely?

I'm on the other side of this OP.

I have found myself as part of a clique. The mummy friends I had made as a new STAHM at the playgroups and parks when DS was just 4 months, have become very good freinds. My single friends are at work and don't understand a lot of babystuff so the mommys have been a lifesaver.

In many ways we've been through a lot in the last 4 years. Sleepless nights Losing babyweight lots of coffeeshop chatting baby's first steps , baby's talking ... not talking , not gaining weight , terrible twos , tantrums - so when we see eachother at the school gates and shriek with joy, it really is because we are happy to see eachother.

And the DC's are all really good friends which makes it very special.

OP I don't think they mean to leave you out, but you sometimes have to butt in and get involved.

Are your DC making friends, getting invited to at least some of the parties etc? I think that's the important thing here - I don't understand why you want to be friends with people who just happen to be parents of other children at your DCs school. Why not focus on your own friends, or make some more through other contacts?

If a group of them happen to also be friends, and have parties and holidays together, why does that have to include everyone?

Trouble is I left Uni, got a job miles away, met my DH and then had DCS...so old friends from 'home' were boys and they've all got wives with her friends and there's no place for me, plus, they live at least an hour away and work. Then I've just phoned another friend who practically said that she'd avoided me because my DH was being a shit to me and she didn't want to get involved, wtf?

I'm not not posh, just not up my own arse.

FTG, friendships like yours are not a clique.

Dont let the clique intimidate you, theres probably all sorts of in clique wrangling going on anyway.

Since its a Catholic school you could get more involved with your church and meet other mums that way, and talk to your priest to help you become more active in the community.

CliqueOff, it sounds like you both envy and loathe the clique at the same time.

I'm glad you think my clique is friendship. I find they are the same thing. It feels the same as my freindships and they have the same foundation of common interest and companionship.

Why not befriend one of the other non-clique mothers or even any of the clique if you dare. Nothing says they can't have other friends?

Are you suddenly obliged to be friends with everybody when you become a mother or something?

Having spent my life thus far choosing who I spend time with, I'm not looking forward to having to 'include everybody' just because I have had a kid.

In fact, I won't do it. I don't care if that means I'm in a clique, or a loner, or up my own arse. I'll pick my own frinds, not have it dictated to me by who else happens to have kids the same age as mine.

I fear I am part of a clique - there are a few mums and dads at the school who I see for coffee, or meet at the weekends. We are good friends. Most of my other friends are spread across the country, so that is a large part of my (such as it is) social life.

But it is separate from my childrens' friendships. they invite who they want for playing after school and for parties.

I suppose the difference for me is that not all these mums are parents of children in my DCs class - they are more spread across the school. I can see how that would irk

I suspect it will be easier when you aren't so busy with your toddler (are there no others with toddlers you could pal up with?)

There's no excuse for unfriendliness, though.