to be in tears because of what my 6yr old DD said

[Heifer]

Apparently she doesn't want to go camping and would rather stay at home for 8 weeks...
And its not fair we can only afford to go camping, and I shouldn't have given up my job when she was born because then we could afford to go on a proper holiday like anyone else.

I am quite suprised just how upset I am!

And how materialistic she sounded at 6!

Kids just want to be like everyone else sometimes, it's their instinct. Maybe she has picked up the job thing from your conversations, as it's weird that a 6 year old would pin camping with cheaper holiday.

I would ignore and carry on as normal - she will enjoy it when she's there!!! x

You need to trade her in for a boy! Ds (also 6) thinks camping is a proper holiday and anything else doesn't really count. We have been lucky enough to travel widely since he was born but his favourite holidays are the long weekends we go camping! Basically he likes getting dirty, climbing trees and being in charge of the camping stove (under supervision!).

Oh Heifer.
have a ((hug))

She doesn't mean it.

it's a long haul this child-rearing lark. and we put a awful lot into it. they can cut us to the bone sometimes, with comments we take personally, and with comments that seem to go against the values we try to instill in them. but it all - I believe - comes good in the end. In the short-term she'll enjoy the camping holiday. In the long-term/bigger picture I'm sure those non-materialistic values will sink in.

yabu and yanbu...iyswim

aww sorry your upset,pesky kids

Ah sorry to hear that, its surprising what they pick up. My ds1 (4) has said "can you go to work and daddy stay at home and look after me" - nice! Or he wants me to go to work so that his nana and gramps can look after him which is what happens with a lot of his friends. Makes you feel so appreciated.... . Am sure she'll enjoy it when you get there.

Every now and then there's a thread from a mum who works full time upset that her DC's don't understand why their mummy can't come to something going on at the school in the week, or that they don't like their childminder, or after school club etc.

Children only seem to notice the ways that other children's lives are better, never noticing ways in which they are worse.

And she'll enjoy it when she's there.

Heifer - my now 5 year old dd started school last September, told me off for not working and being able to pick her up when all the other children could go to the afterschools club!!! I have a younger dd so was off on mat leave!! I went back to work p/t in Jan, and she started to compain that I was "always working" when she was off on school holidays!! Big hugs and I do remember using the phrase "but I didn't ask to be born" to my long suffering Mum when we couldn't do something

When I was made redundant 2 years ago DD would have definitely preferred me to keep earning money (therefore more treats for her!) than be at home full time.

In the end we had a lovely 18 months at home together before she started school last September, and me and DH both now work term time only so get all the hols with her too.

We are very, very lucky to have the best of both worlds!

I suspect with your DD it's a case of being surrounded by other kids at school all talking about their hols. I'm sure you'll have a great time and there are probably plenty of kids in her class that would love to be camping instead of cooped up on planes and in hotels having to mind their 'p's and q's' all the time.

Where are you camping by the way? We're off in our tent in a few weeks too (DD is nearly 6 and hasn't complained yet!!!).

And if you hadn't given up your job she'd be berating you for never being around to look after her. They'll ALWAYS find something to moan about, not matter how much you provide. Try not to take it personally. My kids are deprived IMO because I don't take them camping!

Thanks all. I am surprised just how much she hurt me, I am an adult, she is a child, I know how often children say things they don't mean..

I think she has hit a nerve. Our financial situation is difficult at the moment. I willingly took 5 years off when she was born. We couldn't afford foreign holidays but we did ok ie we could afford to life off DH wage and savings.

When she started school I went back to work part time (earned pittance but still was some money). Unfortunately the contract was only for 1 yr and have been looking for part time work since November.

The savings have run out and we have discovered we can't easily manage on DH salary, so she has noticed the changes. She still gets to go to her stuff (tennis, swimming rainbows etc), but we have told her we can't afford certain things (climbing frame, trampoline, big swimming pool) - not that she would have got all those anyway, but maybe 1 of them.

Maybe I tell her too often we can't afford it until I get a job, maybe I should keep more back from her. We are not in any financial danger as such but really do have to watch what we spend.

Camping is really all we can afford, 4 days at that, and another 3 nights as a freebie with family. But I think there is nothing wrong with camping, some people can't afford to do that and feel greatful that I have been able to live well for so long...

I didn't realise it would be so hard to get a job after being off for 5 years and wanting to work part time.... So really I guess I am saying I know I am being unreasonable to be upset, but I can't help it...

Am sending you a big hug - which I don't normally do as it's a bit weird and apparently un-mumsnetty, but here you go .

It's soul destroying to have to keep saying 'we can't afford it' - even now after 8 months back at work I find myself holding my breath when I use my debit card more than halfway through the month - I know how horrible it is.

But camping's not so bad - my DD is nearly 6, very girly and loves it - have you taken her before?

I know of know how you feel. I scrimped and saved so that DS1 (9) could go on his YR4 residential with school.

He got back after 2 nights away and LOADS of fun, and then this evening in a strop turned round and told me that I don't do anything for him and he never gets to do anything fun that his friends do

I'm surprised she is aware than camping is cheaper than another sort of a holiday. My DD is also 6 and I am not sure she'd be aware unless I mentioned or hinted at it. I think perhaps you need to stop mentioning that you can't afford things and use other reasons why she can't have it.

My DC (DD is 6 and DS1 is 4) love camping and are sad we are not going this year as I think DS2 (12 weeks) is too small.

re: the climbing frame, swimming pool (what sort do you mean?!?) we certainly don't have these, it wouldn't really occur to her that we should. I never say we can't afford it (as we could afford it) I just say its not your birthday why would I buy you that. She can have one "big" present a year, eg for her 6th birthday she got a new bicycle) I did buy a (medium sized) trampoline (around £100) last year for DS1's birthday. I never buy anything for them (other than clothes and essentials) unless its either there birthdays or they were filling a star chart.

IME she thinks that only tangible things cost money ie she wouldn't think that swimming lessons etc cost. It really surprised her when I explained that the cinema was more money than buying a DVD for example.

I sympathise with you Heifer, but it's true what the other posters were saying.

For instance I don't drive and it's hurt me in the past, my dd moaning about catching the bus somewhere when she's said all her friends will be arriving by car

However the other weekend her friend came to stay with her and we went to the zoo by bus. Well, her mum told me she hasn't stopped talking about it, and every time they get in the car her dd moans and says how much more fun going by bus is, and why can't they?

Children like anything somebody else has or does that's "different" to what they have, it's in their nature!

I'm sure you'll all have a lovely holiday

Yes I have definately said we can't afford to go abroad and can only afford to go camping until I get a job, so that is my fault.

Re climbing frame, swimming pool (I meant large paddling pool) or trampoline. Yes if we could afford it we would definately have bought 1 of those for our garden by now. DD has often asked for either 1 of them, and she would have had hours of fun on them (only 1 of them, not all....)

She has been camping before and did enjoy it, until the weather turned rained for 2 days)...

I don't think anyone else she knows have even gone camping at weekend so yes maybe she doesn't like being the odd one out. Even if we did have spare cash and could afford a foreign holiday, we would still have gone camping at weekends.

Thanks for the hugs and understanding. I agree that children often think the grass is greener.....

Well, you know if you were working she's ask "why can't you pick me up from school?"

Never satisfied

Why didn't my bolding work?

I'd stop telling her what you can and can't afford, and say you are going camping because you like camping, and that you don't want a trampoline etc for her just yet.
My parents were reasonably well off but did have some tough years and I remember being sick with worry that we didn't have enough money - as it was, we always had enough for food and rent, but being told we couldn't afford new clothes, sweets or holidays convinced me we were on the edge of penury and that I wouldbe sent away.

Sorry to hear that OP, kids say hurtful things sometimes without realising it. I agree with the PPs that you shouldn't talk about everything in terms of what you can and can't afford. That sort of gives the impression that people should have everything by default unless there is some reason not to.

We don't do huge toys or expensive/multiple gifts in our family (even though we can afford to), no reason is given so the DC have never thought to ask why, I suppose they just see it as our way.

good advice, thanks.

I think because I'm still getting my head around the fact that we really can't afford it, I am saying it too often.

Looking back, in the past, I wouldn't have given her everything she wanted at all, and would have given her a genuine reason why she couldn't have it, so yes it's me that needs to chance...

Yes, she's hit a nerve, and she knew where to hit, and she's winding you up with the skill of a 6 yo!

Oranges advice is good, I think! You are being great parentrs and she obviously has a great childhood with lots of opportunities - more than many.

She'll have a brilliant time camping, camping is a great holiday. Be proud of yorself and don't take what she says to heart.

She was not being unreasonable to not want to go camping, I don't get camping, it is YUCK.

But a bit upsetting about the money thing.

Whilst I agree that you might need to rein in the 'can't afford it's' a bit I know it's hard to do if it's always at the forefront of your mind. As an only child and having just the 1 dd myself I think it can also be harder to 'hide' grown up stuff from onlies as they don't have the distraction of siblings.
Fwiw I don't think it does any harm for even young children to know that money doesn't grow on trees and sometimes you need to tighten your belt a bit, although obviously you don't want to make them ragingly insecure in the process.