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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that as parents not only do we know our DC better than anyone BUT

20 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:26

We also know when something is not quite "right" or the "norm" ??

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GypsyMoth · 13/07/2010 23:27

of course we do!

TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/07/2010 23:28

YANBU my instinct is always right when it comes to my children.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:30

OMG your name!!!
I have not heard that for years!! it used to be my nickname lol

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MummyO3 · 13/07/2010 23:32

hiya

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:33

is that you?

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GypsyMoth · 13/07/2010 23:34

what my name??

TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/07/2010 23:34

Who me? It was my nickname for yonks.

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:35

Sorry back to topic.

I was just having a chat with a few friends and this is what i said. We do know our own dc better than anyone and know when something is amiss

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TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:36

Tits, yes you. Was my nickname as a youngster. my dsis was llfb = little legs fat bum lol and i was tisalinbumsquash....

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MummyO3 · 13/07/2010 23:36

yip totally agree, i had someone tell me (professional) that my sons problems (being tested for adhd) was my fault as i am a young mum and its bad parenting :@ we have done eveything we possibly can to help him, meet with his school every week etc etc

TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/07/2010 23:37

The only way DS1 got diagnosed with CF was becuase i kept saying to the Drs, 'he isnt right' they would sigh and say 'he is fine your just worrying becuase he is your first...'

You should have seen my lay into the same DR when things got bad and he acused me of not getting DS seen to earlier.

Vallhala · 13/07/2010 23:38

Too fecking right!

A meeting with the Head of DD2s old school, to discuss (AGAIN!) the bullying she was experiencing, resulted in the damn woman telling me that I was totally wrong and that DD2 was very happy at her school.

That will be the child who often came home crying or threw up after a day's bullying, begged me not to send her/refused to go, was under the GP for bullying-related sleeplessness, was spat in the face and had her phone stolen from her and smashed up in a very personally-aimed manner and who was frequently called a ginger cunt, then.

Oh sure, she was so very happy at school, and I, the woman who has raised her alone for 13.5 years and HE'd her too, know nothing of my daughter.

MummyO3 · 13/07/2010 23:39

omg thats awfull chick

TheLadyEvenstar · 13/07/2010 23:39

Vall thats awful how is she now?

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TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/07/2010 23:40

That is shocking vallhala. I hope your DD is getting the support she needs now, some children really are bloody vile.

MummyO3 · 13/07/2010 23:42

right girlies im going to bed, take care xx

Vallhala · 13/07/2010 23:47

Thanks Ladies, but it got worse. We moved a few months ago and the girls started a new school. I'd begged and begged the former one for an Ed Psych appt as DD2 is NOT the average child - v immature, does dangerous things like playing with matches, talks to strangers, all sorts. I had got nowhere. Her problems with social skills are the cause of a lot of the bullying and her response to it is unmeasured, often aggressive/abusive.

I WARNED the new school of this and asked that they consider who they sit her next to/place her in class with carefully as a result but was told that they would "just see how she goes, she'll have a fresh start here, there's nothing to worry about Ms Val"

She got bullied. She retaliated. Things escalated and now she is due for expulsion pending a forthcoming Governor's committee meeting.

Me? I know Jack Shit, I'm just her mother. Of course I must be PSB and talking out of my ass.

TheLadyEvenstar · 14/07/2010 00:00

oh no vall thats fucked up isn't it!!

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SDeuchars · 14/07/2010 07:18

@Vallhala: I see you say you HEed her. Are you going to do it again? Do you know about HE special?

@MummyO3: How old is your DS? Parents are often told this sort of thing by "professionals" (no matter how old the parent is - there is always something they can use to blame you). I sometimes wonder if all these "professionals" are childless, when they set "parents" up as feckless morons.

Do you know that he does not have to attend school? You may not feel that you could do it, but it is worth exploring home education. Parents often say that they wish they'd deregistered a "special" child sooner - often, it is fear that they could not cope with the behaviour at home that keeps them trying school. Then they take the child out and the behaviour is easier to deal with (or disappears) because the child can have a measure of control and is in a familiar, secure environment. For example, if he were to kick off in a group situation, you can simply leave and go home, with no-one thinking that is a problem (well, no-one except you and him). Believe me, I have the t-shirt for this - my DD was never too bad (but then she was never in school) but I have had to do the removal thing.

Long-term HEing parents often say that it is much easier and less stressful to have a special child around all the time than to deal with the army of "professionals" who want to complain about the DC or try to "fix" him or her.

Vallhala · 14/07/2010 10:48

SDeuchars, thank you, no I wasn't aware of HE Special but it's a comfort to see it. I think it will come to me HE-ing again as the alternatives appear to be putting DD2 in a Pupil Referral Unit or dumping her into the next nearest school/the school which is next on LA's the list to accept an excluded pupil and then waiting for the same problems to happen again.

A PRU isn't going to happen - putting a child with behavioural problems which are exacerbated by bullying and feeling threatened into a PRU will not only have an adverse effect on her, the effect that her behaviour will have on DD1 and I will be too much for us to cope with.

If the LA offers another school instead of PRU, no matter where it is, it will be one I cannot reach in emergency (currently alone and car-less in a rural village), where DD2 knows no-one and I can't see that will help. Unless they are going to offer a solid promise of an Ed Psyche assessment before the proposed date of entry and a subsequent plan of action to prevent a recurrence of recent events, I would only be damaging DD2 by accepting and making my and DD1s lives misery owing to her behaviour at home when she feels under threat. So, I'll have no choice but to HE again, though tbh I don't relish the thought as a lone parent without any support, no transport and so on.

Atm I'm waiting patiently to hear what the LA have to offer. DD2 has had work sent home to cover the first 5 school days but come Monday the LA are obliged to provide her with an alternative f/t education. I have yet to hear from them.

I intend to fight for an appropriate education for DD2 but don't see it happening and have already started to drop back into HE mode. (Was discussing and researching our village's war history laast night!).

So, in short... I'll see you over on the HE threads very soon, I think!

Thank you again.

(And a huge sorry for the hijack, Lady.

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