to be upset that dh doesnt bother with anniversary cards

[yummytummy]

well thats it really. was our 9th anniversary today. and yes he has a v busy job (is a GP, see other thread!) little free time blah blah but it still bothered me there was no card. i had made a cake at least to try to mark the day and we still may go out at weekend. but when he came home i joked "wheres my card then" and he had a go at me being so petty and he doesnt have time and cards dont mean anything waste of time and money etc etc. and too much pressure.

i know its probably not that big a deal but still upsets me. i shouldnt expect it but i do and get disappointed every time.

is it worth being upset? are all men this crap?

I personally don't think anniversaries are important. How the relationship works all year round is important.

Depends on the circs. If you usually exchange cards and presents then YANBU to be upset.

I've always thought it's pointless to celebrate something that's for both of you equally. I'd rather celebrate a birthday or something where one of you gets to make a fuss over the other.

But if he's 'had a go' and called you 'petty' it sounds like there might be a bit more to this than anniversary cards

Why would you need a shop-bought card if you see each other on the day? I can understand children making cards for their parents, siblings etc, personal touch and all that. But an off-the-shelf card that would take less than 2 minutes to buy and scribble name at the end?

Happy anniversary and don't let it cloud your day.

YANBU - if he knows it upsets you, he could get you a card, it doesn't cost much and doesn't take much effort.

Of course, if you got something sparkly then you could of course forget the lack of card...

I'd be upset, but my dh is very into all that stuff and always makes a huge fuss.

I have several friends who have dhs that are no good at anniversary/birthday gifts and that's just the way they are - it's probably not worth worrying too much over if he's not that way inclined.

So long as he's not crap all the time!

YANBU but maybe you need to readjust your expectations and possibly reap the rewards? Me and DH have just celebrated our 2nd anniversary and just before we made a pact that we wouldn't bother with cards/presents for anniversaries. I can honestly say it was a very liberating desision - we agreed we would always do something simple together to mark the day - I think making a cake is lovely though(mental note to copy next year).

It's my 9th Anniversary tomorrow. Only remembered this evening. Said to husband "oh, it's our anniversary tomorrow - I haven't bothered getting you anything, hope you haven't either."

He said "nope".

We're very romantic in our house.

I think - if you wanted a card you should have asked for one a couple of days ago, not expected him to just remember.

my grandad for years (and i do mean years) recyled the same birthday card and anniversary card for my granny - initially he did it to see if she noticed and then it became a ongoing joke (for us but not for her!)

When she eventually cottoned on she started writing the date on the cards so he couldn't get away with but he still tried to tippex over her writing

but mitochondria i did ask for a card about a month ago then with a reminder a week ago! actually it turned out he had brought a card but had left it at work and was too ashamed to admit it. so i did get the card a day later. thats still ok i think right? anyway he said we can go out for a meal sometime too so it turned out ok in the end!

We have never done anniversary cards in 20 years.