AIBU to want to shoot people who don't RSVP

[whomovedmychocolate]

I'm firmly in the saddle of my high horse here. When someone takes the trouble to send me an invitation to a party, and particularly when it is someone you know well but don't see very often, it is expected that you will respond in some kind, stating yes you'd be delighted, or no, you either don't want to or can't attend. Either response is fine.

No response is just fucking rude.

Yet 73% of people invited to a party at my house have failed to do this. Despite the fact that a lot of them were invited through facebook and could have just clicked yes or no there and then.

Grrrrrrr! How do you cater for a party if you don't know whether there will be 30 guests or 100?

and AIBU to keep back a supply of senna laced canapes for those buggers who didn't reply but then turn up expecting to be fed?

I'm anticipating this in the next few weeks - I'm arranging a 'surprise wedding' for my Mum - (Dad and I are doing it, she wants to renew their vows for their 40th anniversary). We've sent out 66 invites, the catering is a tenner a head, so I want to make sure we at least get a general idea of numbers. I used to work in telemarketing so I'm quite happy to ring round and check with people, maybe a week or two before the event? From those days, I was always told that with events, we should expect a third of people invited NOT to turn up. So I guess that means we'll have around 40ish people on the day...?!? Dad wants to keep it small so he'll be happy with that, bless him!

Hope you figure it out WWMC and that the event goes well

Bobbalina - umm because half of them I've never met! DHs friends and my lot do not really know each other. Also, frankly because a lot of them are too busy to answer their own phones and their PAs don't normally arrange their social diaries as well.

No I don't enjoy the ambiguity.

But moreover I feel affronted by the the lapse in manners that means people don't reply to an invitation. It's very basic - if someone asks you a question, you answer it. My three year old has got this sorted out.

If they do turn up, I'll resent them for not telling me they are coming, if they don't I'll just silently hate them for the the next five years anyway. They are all doomed.

So in some respects, I have closure

Purplelostprincess- at least it's only me doing the catering this weekend. I would ring round and mail a copy of Debrett's etiquette guide to those who haven't replied if I were you

Anyway I have 100 brownie lollies to make (yum).

YABU. You shouldn't expect people to reply on Facebook, it's really easy not to notice you've been invited to something. Also it doesn't feel like a proper invite.

i completely agree WMMC it is RUDE RUDE RUDE
we have been arranging a party for my mums 50th and 200 invites have been sent...we have had 1 RSVP!! the party is in 3 weeks and we have to date 5 formally confirmed guests

my sister had a house party with FB invites at the weekend and she had 15 people confirm they were coming and not a single one turned up with no apologies it was a good job me, DH and my brothers turned up or she would have been sat sobbing into her cheeky vimto

Panda - your poor sister.

I don't actually care anymore. I shall just be really nice to the people who have confirmed and turn up and delete the rest from my christmas card list.

whomovedmychocolate I am suprised that if you are inviting people to a party at your house you don't know their home phone numbers!

I would call them up and if they don't answer leave a message saying " haven't had your reply to my invitation yet, please could you call me back to confirm as I need to know numbers for catering"

Of course its rude not to RSVP but I don't think there is any need to be a victim of it if you can wrestle back control!

we're having EXACTLY the same problems with wedding invitations - 36 invitations sent, 6 RSVPs received. I sent the RSVP cards already addressed, all they needed to do was stick a stamp on them, cross out the relevant word, and post it back. The wedding is in less than 6 weeks now. the date to RSVP by was june 30th.

1 friend emailed me saying 'we probably won't come, but save us a couple of places anyway'. 2 others I sent 3 emails to, then finally caught them on FB chat yesterday - where they said they weren't coming. GAH!!! my own SISTER still hasn't sent an RSVP, despite her changing her mind every 10 fucking minutes whether she's coming/not coming/latest excuses for not coming.

YADNB even remotely U

Stab them in the eye with a fork.

Drives me insane when people do not RSVP.

OMG. I am just about to organise two parties in one day, my dd birthday, followed by my 40th birthday. There will be about 70 guests in total but two separate parties one after the other.

Scared now!

Didn't realise people were so rude. I'm sure it never used to be like this.

WMMC - what are you going to do?

fiofio - do you tell the inviter that? see, that wouldn't be rude at all. not responding in any way whatsoever is rude though.

No idea - DS has just been discharged from hospital and may need to go back in so we may have to cancel it anyway

Hope your DS is OK.

I had a similar thread about a month ago and someone had a brilliant idea; next time, just give the time/date of the party with a RSVP by a certain time. But don't give the venue, so people will either have to RSVP or just not show up.

We had DD's party where we had to pay, so had to pay per child. before you think I'm going over the top for a child's party, it was infinitely easier as DS has rather severe allergies, but DD doesn't so she could have cake/party food.

I like that but everyone knows where we live.

DS is getting there - have had to give him drugs every four hours which he hates (actually it's the face mask to administer them he objects to) but he's recovering slowly and he'll be good to go tomorrow.

Am past caring now, I have made some seriously amazing brownies (have scoffed one) and lots of food which I like so if I'm eating leftovers for a week ce la vie!

I think next time I'll just do what we did for DD and only invite five of her closest friends and do something special for them.

Now I have to go stuff a pinata.

But thanks for replying