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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh shouldn't cook something I hate?

20 replies

lecce · 12/07/2010 19:48

He is sahd and I am full-time teacher. He does all the cooking, though I often cook something for the dc separately. He always did most of the cooking even before we had children as he enjoys it.

Tonight he is cooking broad beans with chorizo and black pudding, I think it's a kind of stew. I detest black pudding and the nature of this dish is that is chopped up throughout so I cannot just leave it.

He knows I hate bp, when I mentioned it earlier he snapped, 'Have egg on toast then!' I am so angry at this attitude. DS2, 11months, is still bf to sleep and is a nightmare in the evenings. It takes me ages to get him to sleep, I'm seldom downstairs before 8 and it's not unusual for me to have less than 40 minutes downstairs before having to go back up. Sometimes I get a good couple of hours but can't rely on it.

Some nights, and can't tell yet if tonight will be one of them, I don't even have time to make and eat something on toast. Anyway, I want a proper meal and dh cooks all from scratch so there's no freezer type things I could stick in oven.

I don't waltz in and expect a meal. Today I cooked dc's meal, played with and bathed them and put them to bed. I always completely take over dc when I get in so I've had no time totally to myself at all. Dh has, since I got home, walked dog, tidied downstairs but now cooking which he enjoys. I'm lying with ds2 bloody hungry and pissed off!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lonicera · 12/07/2010 19:50

I'd be cross if my dh cooked something i hated especially if he knew beforehand that I hated it

EricNorthmansmistress · 12/07/2010 19:56

YANBU. My DH once made a lovely salad, using all the salad bits, and put raw onion in. He knows I can't stand it. He got the stink eye for hours

You are still BF a baby to sleep, he should cook you a proper meal. He should at least leave the (ick) black pudding out to the side for himself so you can eat the meal. How thoughtless.

SalFresco · 12/07/2010 19:57

Get takeaway. Eat it while DH sees to DS2. He sounds like my DS2 so I have additional sympathy.

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 12/07/2010 19:57

I guess maybe he likes it and wants it. If he did it all the time then YANBU but if he normally cooks you something you like then YABU. Won't kill you to have toast once in a while, or omlette, etc. Take 2 mins to cook.

I used to work and DH was a SAHD and in 3 years he never once cooked the evening meal. I used to do it once I got home as well as bath DD.

CoronaAndLime · 12/07/2010 19:59

YANBU

Has he said why he wont cook for you?

thisisyesterday · 12/07/2010 20:00

i think it's pretty selfish of him yes

but I also think that if you knew that's what he was making, and you spent time cooking food for the children you could have made yourself something at the same time instead of waiting until now when you're really tired and don't want to be doing it

scurryfunge · 12/07/2010 20:02

If he knew you disliked it then it's a bit unreasonable to go ahead and cook it.

GloriaSmut · 12/07/2010 20:02

Regardless of the division of labour, I think it is always U to cook something that you know the other person eating it will hate without coming to some sort of arrangement that leaves both of you with a meal rather than something on toast.

I love chili con carne but it is one of the very few meals that dp truly detests. I don't expect him to eat it and neither does he expect me to go anywhere near kidneys. Or Roquefort for that matter.

Original poster
lecce · 12/07/2010 20:04

May call him up and show him this!

Thisyesterday - he was out with the dg while I cooked and only began his cooking once I'd finished otherwise I may well have done that.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 12/07/2010 20:08

ohh i see, when you said you mentioned it earlier i presumed you meant earlier in the day or something!

yeah, it's not on to cook things people really can't eat.

is there anything HE really hates? you could cook that next time you're making dinner

Spidermama · 12/07/2010 20:09

I would be very pissed off. He should have made the black pudding dish AND another option for you. My DH does this regularly as he eats meat and I'm vegetarian.

I would have a curry delivered if I were you.

Original poster
lecce · 12/07/2010 20:13

There is nothing on this planet that man won't eat. The best revenge would be serving him a turkey twizzler type meal but he'd laugh at me so much for serving it it wouldn't be great revenge. And he'd still eat it!

OP posts:
undercovamutha · 12/07/2010 20:17

I sometimes cook Moussaka even though DH HATES aubergine. Its only once in a blue moon, it makes a nice 'freezer' meal for the kids, and I love it. I kind of think that DH can grin and bear it now and again.

Obviously though, according to this thread, IABVU!!!

minipie · 12/07/2010 20:21

YABU

Because black pudding is delicious.

mamalovesmojitos · 12/07/2010 20:24

YANBU. i would never cook something that a family member hated and expect them to suck it up and eat it after a hard day's work. agree, ring for that takeaway.

MaryMungo · 12/07/2010 20:40

As long as he's not doing it once a week, I don't see the problem.There are a couple dishes I adore and DH hates. He has no problem stopping on the way home at the chippy when they're on the menu. Likewise, when DH wants kidneys just like his Mum used to make, I have no problems stepping aside and letting him have at it and having something out the freezer.

So YABabitU

YunoYurbubson · 12/07/2010 20:41

I think YABU.

Have an egg on toast.

I love cooking, but it is still bloody boring having to think of something to cook every day. If dh got in from work and started complaining that I'd cooked something he didn't like I'd tell him to have egg on toast. Egg on toast is not a punishment, it is a warm, nutritious meal and a valid alternative if you don't like what has been offered.

Original poster
lecce · 12/07/2010 21:02

Fair enough, but I do think the fact that I am feeding his son all evening/night has some bearing on it. Tonight, so far, has been a good night for ds2 he's been down nearly an hour and I've had time to nip to Tesco Express and get a pizza. But that may not have happened. Is egg on toast enough for someone feeding all night?

Dh cooks many things I love but there a couple of his regular dishes that don't particularly float my boat and I would never complain when he serves them. The issue with black pudding is that it turns my stomach and dh knows that.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 12/07/2010 21:08

ahh but that's all well and good if he had told her in advance he'd be making it so that she could do herself an alternative

OR, he could have just added his black pudding at the end?

or just made the friggin egg on toast for her while he was in the kitchen?

it's just polite

Spidermama · 12/07/2010 23:03

It seems to me that as you are working, feeding at night AND cooking for the kids the very least he can do is cook you a meal you like!

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