AIBU? Genuine question about a bedroom set up

[ChoccoLiebniz]

Disclaimer, due to the all the troll hunting I am a long term member who has namechanged as I don't want my DH's ex-wife to recognise me on here! (Or DH for that matter as I often occasionally let off steam about him on here!) I know all about moldies, cube of poo and SAHM/WOHM et.

DH and I live in a 4 bedroomed house, 1 master with ensuite, 1 big bedroom and 2 equal sized rooms (Edwardian terrace, all 4 rooms are a decent size) We have 4 children, DTDs who are nearly 10, a son who is 8 and a half and DD3 who is 4. DH also has a son from his first marriage (nearly 15) who spends every Tuesday and Wednesday night and alternate Saturdays with us as well as some school holidays. Up until recently DSS had his own room, the twins shared and DS and DD3 shared but now DS is kicking up a stink about sharing with DD3, he's likes to make models/lego etc and play on his wii which DD3 impedes somewhat. He thinks that as DSS isn't here the whole time and he is he should have DSS's room (and DH agrees) I think DSS needs his own space.

So the options are

1)put DD3 in with DTDs in the big room, DD3 would love this, her sisters wouldn't
2)Put DS and DSS in together
3)Explain to DSS that as money doesn't grow on trees if he wants us to convert the loft for him to continue to have his own room he will have to forego the school ski-trip he wants to go on (he won't like this as he'll feel he's paying for something he already has)

so, what do we do?

Could you divide any of the rooms? DSS could have a smaller portion of DS' room but still his own privacy.

I'd either do 2, or 3 (in terms that were slightly less offensive to DSS and also I'm not sure cancelling his ski trip would fund converting your loft, but certainly you could tell him your long term plan is to convert the loft for him to use, but that you'll need to save up for it...)

Or is there a study or somewhere that DSS could use when he stays with you that'd still be personal space for him - thinking about what teenage boys do in the privacy of their rooms, would you want your DS to be witnessing that?

Could DS have the loft conversion?

i'd go for option 2 and leeloo's suggestion re 3

Could your DS use DSS's room (when he's not around) as a play room but sleep in the room with his sister the rest of the time. It might placate him in the short term and give you some time to save the cash to convert the attic. DSS would probably accept sharing his (empty) space when the alternative is no ski trip.

I wouldn't cancel the trip because it sounds like you've already agreed to pay, but you could explain that the conversion would mean no future treats for a while.

I think your ds is justified in not wanting to share a room with a 4-year old. By the same coin, the twins will be even less pleased to have to share with a 4-year old; especially as they are already sharing iyswim? But there isn't a neat solution, is there?

Mmm. I think scurryfunge has it right. Divide DS' room so there is a substantial corner that can be identified as DSS' space. You can use furniture like a bookshelf or something to create a proper boundary.

Hope you find a solution that's good for everyone! Best of luck

Some other options (just to confuse things ):

4. How about DS still shares a bedroom with DD3, but uses some of DSS's room for models/Wii. (Imagine DSS might quite like Wii too).

5. Or, if you can afford to board the loft (cheaper than full conversion) you could do that and that would give DS some Wii/model space.

Loft is semi-converted at present, ie boarded and plastered but no flooring as such, would need carpets and a staircase though, rooms can't really be properly divided due to their shape/windows but I think dividing with a bookcase could work! DH's ex wife will love DSS losing his room though, you'd think after 13 years she'd have got over DH, especially as she was the one who cheated and asked for a divorce ! Sigh, whole other thread there!

Now how do we soften the blow? Offer to redecorate for them both?

if room is plastered semi floored would a set of fold down ladders do for DSS to get to loft ?

If he already has furniture I would imagine there are ways to do it cheaply??

Agree with others dividing a room for DS and DSS would be best short term solution.

FWIW I think you are very respectful of DSS and his space and I'm sure as you've shown him respect he'll show it back.

OK - what I would do would be this...

DS gets to sleep in DSS's room when he isn't there (if he wants to) - but shares with his sister when DSS is there. DS gets to use the loft room as a play room/model room/club house - boy space - maybe even a camp bed for the odd night if he wants to. Throw in some cheap carpeting and a loft ladder.....

I see that as a win/win/win - DSS keeps his room (and doesn't feel like he doesn't count as he's only a SS), DS gets loads of space to make models lego etc and you get all the logo/model/mess up in the loft you currently don't use - all for under £500.

There's no way DSS's ski-trip should even factor into this. He isn't asking for the Status Quo to be changed!!

Oh & not that it matter... but then the EX also doesn't get to 'enjoy' you 'depriving' your SS of his room

ChippingIn - I like it! Will have to get DS a lockable cabinet/chest of drawers thing as DS is a nosy and annoying inquisitive little chap and left to his own devices in DSS's room WILL go through every drawer and loose coursework/break something/find the porn stash DSS thinks we don't know about (at least we know the security on the computers is working )

LOL - well, perhaphs you should buy a better bed for up in the loft and let him sleep up there - especially if he rarely gets up to go to the loo at night.

It depends where your left ladders come down (ie how much of a pain in the arse they will be when down) but if you get some good ones (around £250) they are almost like stairs - especially for small feet

LOL re DSS's porn stash & computer lock - it might all be more than DS needs to 'read' at 8

buy this and fit it

then buy this and fit it

move either DSS or DS's furniture up to loft and all is sorted!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erm, not to be a spoil sport, but I probably wouldn't put DS or DSS sleeping in the loft unless it's got a window of some sort and a proper staircase - fire safety and all that.

But definitely think that DS could use loft space during the day to play Wii and models. Really, if he has his own space in the day he shouldn't be too bothered about sharing with his sister at night.

You could let DS sleep in DSS's room when he's not there, but I'd say it should be occasionally otherwise it could increase the laundry a fair bit. (And DSS might get narked if DS is nosy!).

2

Loft space as playroom for older children and DS and DSS share bedroom.

I would involve dss in the discussion putting all the points to him.Please dont make a decision about his room without including him.I think he should have the final say not the 8 year old.I also wonder about partitioning off part of dt's room to give dd a space in there.It must be so hard for dss without losing his own space-he really needs privacy at his age.If you can do a proper loft cinversion then tell ds that he has to wait.The ski trip is irrelevant why should poor dss be penalised for something that is not his choice.